


Incomplete talks

by Distantyelling



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: 16 years later, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Arranged Marriage, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Birth, Cheating, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, Married Couple, Mentions of Suicide Attempt, Mpreg, Panic Attacks, Running Away, Thor is a sweetheart, Tony Feels, bucky loki platonic friendship, labor, peter is loki and tony's son
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2020-01-05 08:37:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 47,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18362462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Distantyelling/pseuds/Distantyelling
Summary: When Thor ran away, his father’s silence scared him. He sat down and didn’t move as if life had left him. Frigga was trying to console him but even she was in shock. Loki never imagined that they will be in a situation where Loki had to be the strong one. Wasn’t that Thor’s job ?“ Tell me what to do Dad. Tell me how to fix this.”, and the look in Odin’s eyes gave him enough idea that his life is going to change.It did. He is married at 24. To a man who has a reputation of being a playboy, drunk, a general asshole to be honest.( AU where Tony marries Loki because he didn't wanna lose his money and Loki does it for his father. What happens when Tony has a habit of ruining any good thing that happens to him and Loki gets his heart broken. )





	1. How it all happened

**Author's Note:**

> HI !!!! first story at ao3.  
> Tell me in comments if you like it :)

Arranged marriages weren’t unheard of in the Odinson family. Even Frigga and Odin were brought together by their parents. They had a chemistry. They would have a whole conversation without speaking anything. They complemented each other, they were made for each other. That is how Loki knows them. That is how he has always seen them.

When Thor’s marriage was arranged with playboy Tony Stark, Loki was disappointed. He was disappointed that Thor had finally said yes. He was disappointed that his parents were not seeing the obvious. Thor was a man of honor. He would never deny what Odin and Frigga will ask him to do. Loki wasn’t any different either. It was how they were raised. Their family was one of the richest people not even in New York but the whole country. The bystanders who see their life from a distance think they are really lucky...to be born in a household full of wealth and fame.

Well.....they were wrong.

It wasn’t that Loki despised the status of his family. They had money yes, but with the money came this invisible expectation. When other students graduated college, they were worried about a job or student loan or how they would say goodbye to their college sweethearts. Loki and Thor were worried that they will have to go back and drown in the ocean that is Borson industries. At least Thor was still graduating from marketing. When Loki took art as a subject, Odin simply rejected the mere idea. He just couldn’t see his younger son holding a brush sitting in a garden and painting a landscape. Frigga on the other hand, stood up for him, closing the argument by saying that you will eventually drag them into your business anyway. At least let them enjoy this. Loki felt relieved but it also left a question in his mind. Was that how mother felt when she has to be in all of those board meetings ? After all, she was the one who taught him how to hold a brush. Was that what she wanted to do ?

Thor was becoming more and more silent ever since his wedding was arranged. There was a time when his voice boomed over anything and everything in the house. Even Loki’s noise cancelling headphones failed at his sheer volume. But now, he comes back from office and then goes straight to his room. And Loki cant take it. He knows his brother is hurting. Loki has met Jane. She is his friend too. It was Thor’s first argument, when Howard Stark proposed his son’s hand in marriage for Thor. He asked Odin not to do it. He said he loves Jane and wants to marry her. But when Odin sets his mind on something, its impossible to deter him. He called Thor’s love futile, insulted Jane, called her a gold digger and without even looking at Thor’s tear stained face, said that he should break all ties with her. Loki remembered how Thor didn’t move for few minutes. He was just standing there, hollowness in his eyes as if all the hope left him. He never saw Thor smile after that.

There were times in their childhood when Loki always thought that Odin loved Thor more even though it wasn’t true. Thor was this goofball, full of energy and always a bundle of smile, ever the optimist and unconditionally giving. Even Loki loved him too much, who wouldn’t ? He would share his toys with Loki when he broke his. He never once asked why his parents adopted Loki. Instead, he was just happy that now he has a little brother. Frigga might have been the one who brought him in this family but it was Thor who made him an actual part of it. He held his hand when they went to school, always the protective one, always standing between him and the bullies who made Loki their target, taking blames of broken window panes which he had no part in.

Seeing how Odin was treating him now made his heart clench. Yes he is 24 years old now and clearly knows that their father loves them equally but is this love ? How can his father not see the pain in Thor’s eyes. How can he not miss his voice in the house like Loki does. How can he dismiss everything that Loki had to say when he was trying to make him understand that this is wrong. It shocked him.

But that shock was short living. A bigger one engulfed Loki’s heart when he found the letter in Thor’s room on his wedding day. He rushed downstairs in record time and gave it to his mother, who read it out loud for Odin.

**_I cant do this Dad. I just...can’t._ **

**_I know you will never forgive me, but if one day you feel that you can, I will be back._ **

**_I am sorry_ **

**_Thor_ **

 

That is how he ended up married to Anthony Edward Stark. When Thor ran away, his father’s silence scared him. He sat down and didn’t move as if life had left him. Frigga was trying to console him but even she was in shock. Loki never imagined that they will be in a situation where Loki had to be the strong one. Wasn’t that Thor’s job ?

But Thor isn’t here and frankly, even Loki is disappointed in him. He should have said something.

_He did say it_

He should have asked Loki for help

_He did that too but Odin didn’t listen to Loki either_

He should have fought for his love

_He is....._

Great....now Loki can’t even get mad at him. So he did what he thought a good son should do.

“ Tell me what to do Dad. Tell me how to fix this.”, and the look in Odin’s eyes gave him enough idea that his life is going to change.

It did. He is married at 24. To a man who has a reputation of being a playboy, drunk, a general asshole to be honest.

It’s not like Loki is a pure maiden or something. He has done enough playing around of his own. He had blacked out for entire parties sometime because of the amount of alcohol he consumed. But even then he cared. That was the thing that made him different from the ingenious inventor Tony Stark. He doesn’t care about his father’s reputation. It’s a common knowledge that their relationship is strained. Every source of media has exploited it for their success. Loki and Thor had their misunderstandings with their parents but he had never experienced this. The one thing that’s been constant in his life is the love of their family, something that Tony has never felt after his Mom died.

But even if he sympathizes with Tony, his personality makes it impossible to like him. Loki has no idea how he is going to survive all this. How without Thor ?

“ Hey there husband.”, Tony entered the kitchen where Loki was sitting with a coffee in his hands.

“ Don’t call me that.”, Loki said, slight disgust in his tone. Tony only laughed and settled on the stool, shamelessly stealing Loki’s coffee and sipping it.

“ Umm! What ? This is cold.”, Tony jerked away from the mug as if it burned him.

“ What ?”, Loki wasn’t even listening.

“ Your coffee is cold.”, and before Loki could even react because it isn’t that big of a deal, Tony rushed past him and put on the kettle to make fresh coffee. He came back and gave him a steaming mug. Loki took it but kept staring at him.

“ What ? I know how to make coffee. Duh.”, Tony said and again sat before him.

“ It’s not that, you are...never mind.”, Loki closed his mouth again.

“ Hey, come on say it. I don’t like incomplete talks.”, Tony was now focusing all his attention on Loki. Loki decided he doesn’t like that look.

“ It’s just.... how are you so okay with all this ?”, Loki gestured to himself. Careless as Tony was, does he truly not care that now he has a husband.

“ Well, I am not. In fact I think this is an absolutely fruitless and ridiculous attempt. But as if my Dad cares what I think or want.”, Tony scrunched his face in distaste. Loki kept looking at him. So he has fallen in the same trap that he did.

“ So..how about you get ready and we go meet my friends.”. Tony said in a very nonchalant manner. Does he do that everyday ? How is all this so normal for him. When even after a minute Loki didn’t move or replied, Tony cleared his throat. As a result, Loki fumbled with his mug and ended up spilling coffee on his pajamas.

“ Shit.”, Loki frantically stood up and went to the tap to put some water over the area. Tony rushed to him too and tried to help.

“ I am sorry, I am so sorry , my ..my mind was somewhere else, I just...”, he was babbling. God, he hated it when he was babbling. Tony quickly held his hands which were working furiously to clean but weren’t helping.

“ Hey, it’s alright. Don’t worry about it.”, Tony said and when Loki looked up, there was a flash of something in his eyes, something unrecognizable.

“ Lets..lets do it some other time. The whole meet my friends thing. See you at dinner ?”, Loki nodded and Tony left.

When Loki changed his ruined pajamas, took a shower and finally sat down with fresh mind, he was able to decipher what he saw in Tony’s eyes.

It was care ?

It was care.

It doesn’t matter that it was there for just a second. What mattered was that Tony Stark has a heart too. And if what he saw is true, then he might be able to actually survive this. Even if, it is as friends.

* * *

 

Thor picked up the newspaper that came with his breakfast in the cheap hotel he was staying with Jane in Montauk, hoping the news of him running away hadn’t made the front page. But what he found instead made his heart jump to his throat. He sat up with such force that woke up Jane next to him.

“ Thor, what’s wrong ?”, she whispered, her voice still hoarse from sleep. When he didn’t say anything , she took the paper from his hands.

_A new union comes in light. Genius, playboy, billionaire, philanthropist weds the youngest of Odin Borson._

_Turns out that previously announced wedding of Thor Odinson and Tony Stark got in shambles for reasons still unknown. But when Howard Stark says there will be a wedding then there will be a wedding. Loki Odinson, Thor Odinson’s younger brother is now married to the heir of Stark empire. We wish them happiness in their future life._

Jane looked at Thor, who now had tears in his eyes. She slowly took him in her arms, his head resting on her shoulders while his tears soaked her shirt.

“ I am sorry... I am so sorry.”, Jane cried too. Loki is her friend and now things have become so complicated that it looks impossible to find a solution.

“ What have I done. Oh God...what have I done.”, and he held Jane tightly because now he thinks he will lose his brother too. He will hate him because he ruined his life. How can he be so selfish ? What is he suppose to do ?

“ I am sorry Loki.”, was the only thing he kept saying, even if there was only Jane to hear those words.


	2. How can you trust me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another chapter ..

“ Hey there honey bear, super mad that you missed my wedding.”, Tony hugged Rhodey.

“ Unlike you I have a job. I wasn’t born with a silver spoon in my mouth.”, Rhodey smirked.

“ Well that silver spoon is turning into a silver stake.”, Tony fake stabbed himself in the heart.

“ You don’t have to worry then coz you are neither vampire nor werewolf.”, Tony looked at him. Rhodey was actually proud of his lame joke.

“ Yeah but I am human. I will still die, silver stake or lead.”, Tony mumbled.

“ Really tones, if you were human, you wouldn’t have married an innocent guy just to fuck with your Dad.”, Rhodes fixed him with a look which Tony knows very well. It’s the one when he messed up something royally.

“ Well, what was I supposed to do ?”, Tony closed his fists in frustration.

“ You were supposed to tell him the truth. If you really love Hammer like you say, then you would’ve found a way.”, Rhodey folded his hands and glared at him.

“ I thought you hated Justin.”, Tony smirked.

“ I still hate him and I don’t trust him. But if he is what you want then who am I to judge.”, his tone was exasperated, but that’s not new. Every time Tony talks about Justin Hammer, his mood sours. That guy is no good for Tony. He has tried many times to make him understand, but Tony Stark does what he wants.

“ I am still clueless about what to do. And it’s not like Dad doesn’t know about us. Justin worked for us remember.” , Tony said.

“ Maybe tell the truth to this Lokas guy and then leave with Hammer.”, Rhodey suggested even though it was a terrible one.

“ And lose all the money ? I told you what dad said. If I didn’t marry him, I wouldn’t get a drop from the ocean that is Stark industries. And his name is Loki, not Lokas.”, Tony sat down on the sidewalk, which wasn’t a good idea. It will only take paparazzi a minute to find that Tony Stark is sitting on a sidewalk with his head buried in his hands after his wedding weekend.

“ What’s with the names in Odin’s family ?”, Rhodey tried to get Tony up and stand on his two feet while he was happy playing boneless in his arms.

“ They are from Norway.”, he closed his eyes and finally stood on his own.

“ Look, all I want to say is that give Loki a chance. If I had to choose between him and Hammer, then I will choose Loki even if I don’t know him. You know, why ?”, Tony looked up for the answer.

“ Because, he said yes in a heartbeat when his father asked him to be in his brother’s place. I don’t know why he did, if it was money or prestige or plain sentimentality that made him do it, but his act matters. He gave up a lot and tied a knot with someone whom he has known only from tabloids and you know that info doesn’t go in your favour. So think about it.”, Rhodey gave him a sad smile and left.

* * *

 

“ Do I have to go ?”, Tony couldn’t help but smile at Loki, who was resisting so hard not to pout.

“ Well, my father is a tyrant. If he says we need to go then we need to go.”, Tony said. Loki was still looking at him with a little hope.

“ Look, you really think I didn’t try ? Believe me, I don’t want to be there either, but there is nothing I can do.”, Tony sighed and sat down beside Loki.

It’s been a month since their wedding. Tony and Loki have settled in a routine. Tony doesn’t ask many questions, which Loki is really thankful for. He has started practicing his art again , something Tony encouraged him to do instead of sitting in the mansion aimless. Loki understood that even though Tony pretends to be carefree and generally irritated with everything, he remembers each and every thing Loki talks about. He leaves in the morning for Stark labs, which he fondly refers as his real husband. He puts too much sugar in his coffee and then talks really fast about engines and some robot called Dum E, half of which goes over his head but he still tries to listen, because the glint in his eyes when he talks about his work is fascinating. It makes Loki feel things, makes him nervous, makes him fear that he isn’t good enough for someone this brilliant and charming, which is a scary feeling in itself because Loki never felt like this before. He never felt ...less. He was always more, more intelligent than Thor because he has completed his projects multiple times, more vigilant, more sassy, more confident. But every ounce of his confidence vanishes and is replaced by that stupid goofy smile on his face when Tony starts to talk. Like right now...

“ So...what do you say ?”, Tony asked him and he looked at him dumbfounded.

“ What ?”, Loki asked again, mumbling a very low sorry.

“ My friends, I am sure Dad is gonna destroy our morning pretty neatly so when we leave the office, we can go and have lunch with my friends.”, Tony repeated the whole thing again. Loki would’ve felt bad for him if the last sentence didn’t catch his attention.

“ Huh...about that, you see Tony I don’t know any of them and.....it’s just that, I wouldn’t know what to say or do.” , Loki tried but his excuse was so lame, even he cringed after hearing what he said.

“ Well, you have to do it someday , so why not today. I promise they are not like me. They are much better, trust me.”, Tony started putting on his shirt which was not at all distracting.

“ I do.”, Loki whispered. Tony suddenly stopped and gave him a questioning look.

“ Trust you...I do trust you. I am gonna go get ready okay.”, Loki took his clothes and went into the shower, missing how pained Tony looked.

_I do trust you._

Tony sat down on the bed again, the words ringing in his ears. Everything that Rhodey said started coming back to him and suddenly Tony felt like he couldn’t breathe. Loki trusts him.

Tony wanted to scream at Loki, wanted to laugh at him for even thinking that someone like Tony could be trusted. Last month, Tony came late many nights, drunk and losing his balance, finding Loki asleep in his room. And Tony thanked the Gods that he is not awake to see him. Why did he suddenly care so much ? Why does it matter if Loki sees him like this ? Why did Tony watch him paint when he was fully sober, not even a drop of alcohol in his system ? Why did he smile too when Loki smiled at his still life painting ?

And why did it start to hurt when he was with Justin ?

He only met Justin thrice last month, fearful that his father will know and disown him from the property. But he didn’t miss him. Why didn’t he miss him ? He loves Justin right.

But he missed Loki, he misses how Loki’s eyes do this weird thing when he talks about science. He loves his smile when he watches him cook. He misses how he tries to tame his curly hair every morning. It scared him. It scared how much he knows about him already, how much space Loki has taken into his mind. Because he doesn’t know what is happening to him and he doesn’t like not knowing.

* * *

 

Howard Stark was an intimidating man but not for Loki. He didn’t even know when he had developed a prejudice for him. Loki knew it was because how he treated Tony. The man isn’t capable of saying kind words, just mocking comments and visibly conveying how Tony is an embarrassment. It made him furious to no end.

“ Oh, you are here. Sit down.”, he said without looking up from his file. Tony sat down first and Loki followed.

“ I met happy today. Do you know why I have called you here ?”, Tony swallowed visibly and it was the first time Loki saw him nervous. When Tony didn’t say anything, Howard put his file down and looked up.

“ You are still not married legally. I know that you feel you are too smart to do things conventionally, but at least be a little responsible. I can’t do everything for you.”, and there it is. The way he said things were just so satirical.

“ I... I got busy with the project, the arc reactor is almost....”, but Howard raised his hand, motioning Tony to stop.

“ And what will you do when it’s finished ? Find some other unhealthy obsession. It’s a battery.”, his voice raised a little.

“ It’s not a battery. It’s an energy source that can power even  buildings.”, Tony’s voice was raised too. And Loki looked at his face which was fuming. Without even thinking, he stepped in.

“ It was my fault. He told me to go to the court but I didn’t feel like it was necessary.”, Loki said and Tony closed his eyes. This is not going to end well.

“ I know Odin has coddled you for your whole life but you have to grow up now. It is necessary for legal purposes. You are a Stark now.”, Howard looked like he was already bored with this conversation.

“ I am not changing my name. Its Odinson and it will be Odinson.”, Loki said sternly looking into his father in law’s eyes. Tony’s heart started beating even faster.

“ Why does it matter when Odinson isn’t even your real surname ?”, Howard said those words with a smile. This time, Loki was furious. Yeah Howard Stark was a dick but he never imagined that he would stoop so low and bring Loki’s adoption into this. But before Loki could process what happened, Tony had already lost it.

“ Are you fucking kidding me ?”, Tony hissed in anger.

“ Language boy.”, Howard’s voice boomed but Tony stood up from his chair.

“ Really ? Coz that’s what is going so wrong here. My language and not what you just said.”, Tony was yelling now and he would’ve yelled more but Loki’s hand made its way to his. It was like putting ice on a burn, a sensation Tony was unfamiliar with, because tony was always burning. And no one ever took an effort to cool him down, not like this. He looked at Loki, his eyes worried and lips slightly parted, saying a million of things with just his eyes and without speaking a single word. Just how Loki explained about his parents one time.

“ We are leaving.”, Loki said. He kept looking at him but Tony knew it was for Howard. And then without any delay, Loki dragged him out of his father’s office, still holding his hand tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meet Tony's friends in next chapter :)


	3. how should I know what I want

“ You sure you wanna do this ?”, Loki asked in a small voice. They left Howard’s building an hour ago and were now on the way to meet Tony’s friends. Tony hasn’t said a word since he got in the car. After a moment, when Loki thought he wouldn’t answer, Tony stirred a little.

“ I am sorry.”, Tony whispered.

“ Why are you sorry ? Tony, whatever happened back there wasn’t your fault.”, Loki said without losing a breath.

Tony wanted to say it was. It really is, because Tony knew this would happen. He knew Howard will rope Loki into the madness stark industry is. He had no right to engage Loki into this. He should’ve been honest and broke this marriage. He should’ve been with Justin who doesn’t care what Howard says. Justin Hammer is never known to handle himself with grace, not like Loki did in front of his father. He never defended Tony like Loki did today. Loki lied for him...Loki trusts him. It’s all getting way too complicated than tony thought.

“ He had no right to talk to you like that. I should’ve done something, said something.”, Tony said without looking up. He stopped the car near the cafe they were supposed to be.

“ You did. It’s not hard to understand that this was the first time you have said something, and you did it for me.”, Loki said with a smile.

Those words hit Tony like a brick. In all the drama that happened, he was so worried for Loki that he didn’t even realize what he did. That he stepped up and cared for the first time who his father insulted. What is happening ? His breath started to get caught in his lungs, as if mere air was burning him inside with friction. He was losing his focus, he tried to concentrate on Loki’s face, but it wasn’t working. It was when he gripped his steering so hard that Loki noticed something is wrong.

“ Tony ? Tony what’s wrong ?”, Loki opened his seat belt and moved closer. Tony was now closing his eyes . Loki took his hand again and gripped tight.

“ Tony talk to me ...please.”, Loki voice didn’t have the usual poise anymore. It was replaced by worry.

“ Cant...cant breath...ungh.”, Tony held his hand like life support. Loki took only few more seconds to recognize that it was a panic attack.

“ Tony breathe okay. Focus on my voice. This is temporary. It’s going to be okay. I am here, Its gonna be okay.”, loki kept talking to him, encouraging him to keep looking at him.

It was only few minutes but it felt like a lifetime. Tony struggling to breathe in front of him was a painful sight, but he slowly calmed down.

“ Are you okay now ?”, when Tony nodded and Loki assured himself that tony is not going to pass out, he moved closer and hugged him.

This wasn’t new. Tony had Loki this close in their wedding, when they kissed in front of hundreds of people. But this, this is much better than the kiss. But before he could revel in that hug, which felt heavenly, Loki pulled back and punched him on the shoulder. Tony would’ve said something but he was mourning the loss of the hug and also because he was confused why Loki suddenly punched him.

“ Why ? Wha... why ?”, Tony asked wide eyed.

“ Don’t you dare scare me like that ever again, you idiot.”, Loki shrieked.

“ And don’t you dare become a nurse like ever. That’s not how you treat your patients dear.”, Tony replied with a teasing smile and kissed Loki on the cheek.

He kissed Loki on the cheek.

HE KISSED LOKI ON THE CHEEK !!!

Tony was internally freaking out while Loki was busy turning red. That was how Rhodey found them.

* * *

 

Loki wasn’t sure what he should like more. The way Natasha Romanov successfully made Tony speechless at his every argument or the way Rhodey was twisting everything into an excuse to tell stories from Tony’s embarrassing MIT years.

“ It was a hilarious prank.”, Tony countered.

“ It stopped being hilarious when she left you chained to bed without your clothes and just a cushion to hide your modesty.”, Rhodey said barely controlling his laugh.

“ Happy, help me out here.”, Tony turned to Happy Hogan who was busy eating his sandwich.

“ Imma eat my sandwich and be outta trouble.”, Happy talked even when his mouth full.

“ Who even ...talks like that ? And who are you guys and what have you done with my friends.”, Tony opened his mouth in mock horror.

“ Come on Tony, we have switched sides.”, Pepper said with an evil smirk.

“ Exactly, you are not getting them back.”, Loki high fived Natasha.

“ You have turned everyone against me in an hour. That’s it, I am not gonna take you to my lab to meet our children.”, Tony looked at him.

“ Children ? But you just got married.”, Happy choked on his sandwich and tony laughed like a maniac, while Loki turned into a deep shade of red.

“ He is talking about Dum E and U. After all, Tony is married to his lab first. Right ? ”, Loki looked at Tony but he was looking somewhere else.

Justin Hammer just entered the cafe. Tony was frozen. What is he doing here ? And he is ...coming this way. Tony wanted to run but his legs felt like jelly. He couldn’t move and when Justin came really close, he suddenly stood up.

“ Hammer....hah..Hi, what are you doing here ?”, Tony was stammering. Everyone’s eyes turned and settled on Justin Hammer who was all smiles. Tony quickly looked at Loki who was also looking at him with a confused smile.

“ Hey Tony, and hi to the gang, who is all....here.”, Hammer looked at everyone and then his eyes stopped at Loki.

“ You must be Tony’s husband. Justin Hammer.”, he moved his hand forward towards Loki, who shook it with slight hesitation.

“ What are you doing here Justin?”, Rhodey had to keep his control but he still couldn’t stop himself from gritting his teeth.

“ I went to the office to get some release documents signed and they told me Tony was here. If I had known it’s a social meeting I wouldn’t have come, sorry.”, he replied in an overly sweet manner. Loki felt a little weird about how everyone was reacting to Hammer. Pepper was having this sad look in her eyes while, Happy remained indifferent. It was Natasha and Rhodey who looked like they are gonna gauge the guy’s eyeballs out.

“ It’s no problem, give me a minute.”, Tony nodded at Loki who smiled in return. Tony took Justin outside looking at the file he just gave him. Everybody on the table fell silent and Loki was feeling really awkward.

“ So, where do you work now ?”, Loki turned to Natasha who was still glaring at the door.

“ I am still looking. It’s hard to find a job that meets all my expectations.”, she smiled at him.

“ Don’t even bother Loki. She is a manic who will not take a job until it gives her appropriate amount of thrill.”, Pepper laughed.

“ Doesnt that beat the purpose ? I mean, you can’t have thrill in appropriate amount. It’s like ceasing a wave.”, Loki answered with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“ You know what Loki ? We just became best friends.”, Nat replied with a grin of her own.

* * *

 

“ What the fuck do you think you are doing Justin ?”, Tony was furious.

“ What? So I am not allowed to meet my boyfriend ?”, Justin replied with a smirk.

“ Jesus Christ, not here. Do I have to remind you what will happen if Dad found out about this ?”, Tony started rubbing his forehead, feeling a headache coming.

“ Well I barely saw you since your wedding to that brat. You said nothing would change.”, Justin raised his voice and Tony quickly gestured him to slow down.

“ You don’t understand, it’s not that simple. Things are...”, Tony couldn’t explain.

“ Really, is he that better in bed than me ?”, he wasn’t backing off.

“ What the hell is wrong with you?”, Tony never experienced Justin like this before, this angry and unreasonable.

“ Justin everything is the same okay. I will meet you tonight okay, I will explain everything. Just get out of here before anyone sees us, please.”, he looked at Justin who just nodded and walked away. Tony huffed but was caught by Pepper when he turned around.

“ Really Tony ? I cant believe this.”, pepper was giving him her distinct disappointed face.

“ Pep I can explain.”, Tony suddenly became desperate.

“ Explain what Tony ? That you are having an affair.”, Pepper threw her hands in the air in frustration.

“ Affair ? He is my boyfriend.”, Tony countered.

“ Was...was your boyfriend. God, Tony you are married. I can’t believe you are doing this to Loki.”, Pepper was now glaring at him.

“ I don’t know okay, I don’t know what I am doing.”, Tony yelled surprising Pepper who took a step back. Tony sat down on the stairs and took his head in his hands.

“ I can’t just leave him. I ..I love him. I promised him that everything will be better. That I will find a way.”, Tony sighed.

“ Do you really love him ? Coz I saw the look on your face when Loki was talking and believe me, that was the same one you got when Natasha met us in third grade. That same stupid smile, the same fascinating look in your eyes, Tony you need to understand what you actually want.”, Pepper held him by his shoulders. After a moment, they went inside and Loki smiled at him. Tony felt relieved at once but it also gave him a lot to think about. This is the effect Loki has on him, his one smile makes his day better, makes everything better. Maybe he should listen to Pepper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darcy Lewis will be coming in next chapter. Your reviews are everything to me so keep them coming :)


	4. how and when I fell for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new chapter :p

“ I am going to kill you Darcy.”, Loki said the moment he picked  up the call.

“ I will murder you before you can.”, Darcy said in her usual extra chirpy voice. Loki laughed at the somewhat expected reaction.

“ And as if you are the one to talk. I move to Oregon and in a week you have managed to get married to an asshole?”, Darcy shrieked so loud, Loki had to move the phone away from his ears.

“ Whoa, where did all that come from ? And don’t call my husband an asshole, you don’t even know him.”, Loki gasped.

“ Oh wow...WOW. Husband huh ? So your one month marriage is now more important than our sixteen years of friendship. That hurt.”, Darcy cried fake tears but Loki smiled. He knows Darcy is a drama queen.

Darcy was Mrs. Lewis’ daughter, who was their babysitter. It’s always been the three of them since Loki can remember. Thor, Loki and Darcy did everything together. Mrs. Lewis brought her once with her to her shift and soon they were inseparable. After graduation, Darcy moved to Oregon to take care of her Grandpa who was living alone.

“ Well, if you would’ve married me like I proposed in fifth grade, we wouldn’t even be in this mess Darcy.”, Loki said, reminiscing about their stupid fifth grade adventure.

“ Let’s be serious for a minute. You are really married. My best friend is married. How did that happen ? And why didn’t you tell me ? You should have called me the moment things went wrong.”, Darcy said in a low voice.

“ Everything happened so fast, I didn’t know what to do. For what’s worth, Tony isn’t that bad you know. Even you will like him once you actually get to know him.”, Loki said smiling.

“ Well, grab your ice cream, we have a lot to talk about then.”, Darcy started raiding her fridge for her own tub.

* * *

 

Tony has taken the stairs today. It’s not the first time though. Justin doesn’t live in an extremely lavish building and Tony has encountered enough not working signs on his lift. His heartbeat escalated with every step he took. It felt like his legs won’t go any further. He finally reached Justin’s door and knocked.

“ Glad you remembered the way to the house, since you have forgotten everything else.”, Justin opened the door and marched straight inside without even looking at Tony. He went inside and closed the door, something he had done many times before in the middle of the night, their hands groping each other in dirty need, tony pushing him into the walls of this very room and then blacking out, sometimes due to the ecstatic release and sometimes due to the amount of drinks he had consumed. But today, it’s different. Today, the same walls are trying to cage him, making the room smaller by the second. Had this room always been so small ? He is feeling the traces of his panic attack returning, but this is not the time. He is not here to lose himself again, like he did in the past. He is here because he has decided something.

“ Are you going to glare the wall or are you going to talk.”, Justin was standing with his arms folded and a scowl on his face

“ I ...I can’t do this anymore.”, Tony finally uttered the words.

“ What ?”, and Justin’s demeanour changed. It changed so fast that Tony didn’t know what to do with a five feet eight inch guy hugging him while he is sitting on the couch.

“ You don’t mean that right? It’s just the alcohol talking.”, Justin was whispering now, in the same seductive way he used o do on those nights that he spent with him in the dark of the night. Tony now feels dirty, and couldn’t even explain why. He removed Justin’s hands from himself and stood up.

“ I am not drunk, I am fully aware what I am talking about. This doesn’t feel right Justin. Not anymore, not when I am married.”, Tony said looking in his eyes. The gravity in his look scared Justin a little, because Tony Stark is never known to be serious.

“ You said it didn’t matter. You...you said this was a sham to get back at your father.”, Justin yelled at him.

“ It was....it was but then it wasn’t. It became more. I am sorry, I am sorry.”, Tony repeated.

I am sorry but I fell in love. He understood now why he thought he loved Justin Hammer. He let him escape, every time Tony had to face his feelings, every time his father yelled at him, Justin was there for him, to escape. He was running, running after something that was too good to be true.

Loki made him realize it could be true. Loki didn’t run, he stood his ground and maybe that was the moment he fell for him. Tony liked the person he was with Loki. And now he has decided that he will be only that.

* * *

 

“ Whoa, he doesn’t not have a robot.”, Darcy’s voice peaked and again Loki had to distance himself from his phone.

“ He does and its name is Dum E.”, Loki said proudly. Even though he hasn’t met Dum E yet, Loki feels like he already knows it. Maybe, because Tony keeps talking about him all the time. The guy loves his robots.

“ You know what, we can definitely be friends. We are already one person short anyway.”, Loki could feel the sadness radiate from her even though she is sitting miles away.

“ Did he call you ? I am worried you know. He hasn’t contacted anyone ever since he ran away. Dad is looking for him too, but I have a feeling he is avoiding him on purpose.”, Loki sighed.

“ Sorry man, he didn’t call me either. But if he does, I will tell you. Now go back to your genius husband and let me sleep.”, Darcy replied.

“ Bye Darcy, I miss you so much.”, Loki smiled sadly.

“ I miss you too Lokes.”, Loki disconnected the call and smiled to himself. Leave it to Darcy for making him smile and cry at the same time. He looked at the clock, but got startled to see Tony standing on the door.

“ Are you trying to give me a heart attack ?”, Loki put his hand on his chest to control his erratic breathing.

“ I was trying not to disturb you actually, you haven’t smiled that much in one go in this house and it was enchanting.”, Tony replied with a smirk. Loki blushed at the comment and looked at his hands. But suddenly his smile vanished when he realised Tony heard he was talking about Thor.

“ How much did you hear ?”, Loki said sheepishly. Tony came in and sat on the couch.

“ Sorry, I didn’t mean to. Did he really not call ?”, Tony asked, slight worry in his tone. Loki sat beside him and sighed.

“ No, he didn’t. That’s the thing about Thor you know. No one can find him if he doesn’t want to be found.”, Loki said.

“ I don’t blame him you know, for running away. I wouldn’t choose myself either.”, Tony tried to smile but looked down at his hands. Loki suddenly became concerned. He scooted closer and took Tony’s hand again. It’s the third time today, and Loki doesn’t know if he is even welcome to hold his hand but he still did anyway.

“ Tony, that’s not true. You don’t believe that do you ?”, Loki’s eyes widened.

“ Of course not, in fact I am relieved you know. God, can you imagine how we would have looked together. No offence, but your brother is freaking giant.”, Tony tried to grin but this time it didn’t reach his eyes like it always does.

“ Now you listen to me okay, Thor didn’t run because of you. He ran because he was in love with someone else and my father was too arrogant to see that. He ran because he believed he was right.”, Loki looked into his eyes.

“ And you ?”, Tony whispered.

“ What about me ?”, Loki said in confusion.

“ Do you think you are right? In choosing me ?”, Tony looked down again. This time, Loki bravely took his chin and made Tony look at him.

“ I didn’t choose you either. You were given to me, by destiny or by universe I don’t know. But believe me, I don’t regret it. I don’t regret marrying you Anthony Stark. I know you in ways no one will and I am thrilled that I am the only one who does. I have been here for thirty days and in each one of them, I have found something about you that surprised me, in a good way. I saw you crying in that sappy movie you took us to watch, even if you tried your hardest to hide. I have seen the fondness in your eyes when you look at your friends. You....are a person who calls a robot your son Tony. Need I say more.”, Loki kept looking at him.

“ And since we are talking about choices, let me know what you think about this one.”, Loki moved forward and brushed his lips to Tony’s, as if silently asking permission and kissed him. Tony could feel the heat trickling from Loki’s face. When they broke up, Tony kept looking at him in awe.

“ Please say something before I start to feel really stupid.”, Loki was fidgeting, but then was completely taken aback by Tony kissing him again in full force, separating only when it got harder to breath.

“ I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”, Tony whispered in his neck while gasping for breath. Loki buried his face in Tony’s hair, taking in the faint scent of his shampoo.

“ So, we are doing this ? We are giving this a chance.”, Tony looked at him, hope glinting in his eyes.

“ Yes, yes we are.”, Loki said, hugging Tony and resting his head on his shoulder.

“ So, who is Darcy ? Should I feel threatened ? Is she a competition ?”, and Loki laughed.

“ You had to ruin it didn’t you ?”, Loki lifted his head up but Tony resumed their position, not ready to let go of the hug anytime soon.

“ Sorry, I promise I will be better.”, Tony smiled.

It’s a promise he is doing to himself and to Loki. He will try to be better. He will try to be worthy of this man, who loves unconditionally. He will earn his love.

* * *

 

Obadiah Stane was walking hastily to an empty corridor. Well as empty as it can get in any Stark building. The moment he found some privacy and less rush, he picked up his call.

“ How many times have I told you not to call here ?”, Stane whispered.

“ It was urgent. We have a problem, a big problem.”, Justin Hammer said in a hurry.

“ Meet me, tonight.”, Stane quickly hung up and walked as if nothing happened.

* * *

 

 Loki was looking at the new brushes the store had stocked. It was his favourite stationery shop in college. And it always had good stuff so he didn’t mind the longer drive. His eyes went to the new dip pen, which was beautifully encased in a wooden box. He picked that up when a voice interrupted him.

“ Don’t you have those already ?”, Loki froze after hearing the voice. He will know it anywhere. He turned around to see a tall man with blonde hair smiling at him.

“ Thor ?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor is here, fi -nuh- lly   
> Your reviews and kudos are the most precious things.


	5. How can you leave us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I was working in a village these past few days and there was no internet. But I am back now.

The wooden pen case slipped from his hand and landed on the floor with a dull thud. His brother is standing right front of him, but it feels like his legs have lost all the ability to move. Thor was looking at him with the same blinding smile, which he gave selflessly to everyone.

“ Hey.”, Thor said in a low voice. The delay in reaction was making him doubtful. His smile was slowly faltering because he wasn’t sure if he was welcome anymore.

One moment he is regretting his decision, and in the next he is being crushed by a hug so tight he couldn’t breathe. He revelled in the hug till it lasted, happy to embrace his little brother again after days.

“ I missed you so much.”, Thor whispered.

“ I am not talking to you.”, Loki released him from the hug and rushed out of the store. Thor ran after him, almost tripping and then placing the dip pen back on the shelf.

“ Loki...Loki stop.”, Thor grabbed him by his shoulder but he swatted his hand away, turning around to face his brother.

“ You are so...so stupid. Why? Why didn’t you call or... or at least informed us that you are fucking okay? I was so worried. We didn’t even know if you actually ran away or a bus ran you over.”, Loki didn’t care that he was yelling.

“ I am sorry.”, Thor couldn’t look his brother in the eye.

“ That’s it ? You are sorry ? You left me, you left Mom and Dad. I shouldn’t be left in charge of anything that crucial okay. I can barely sort my life thank you very much.”, Loki sat down on the sidewalk with his head in his hands. Thor sat down beside him.

“ I know. I was selfish. The one time I wanted to be happy, I shattered your life as a consequence.”, Thor said, his eyes burning with the tears that were threatening to escape. Loki sighed and looked up.

“ You weren’t selfish. You were in love. You ARE in love.”, Loki said looking at Thor, who was staring at the ground.

“ It doesn’t give me any right to make your life miserable either.”, Thor whispered. Loki’s anger dwindled when he saw him looking so distraught.

“ You have to believe me when I say that I am not miserable. Tony is a good guy. I know it’s hard to grasp the idea of a Stark being not a bad guy but Tony isn’t like his father.”, Loki put his hand on Thor’s broad shoulder and smiled. Thor kept looking at him in slight shock.

“ You can’t be serious Loki. It’s Tony Stark we are talking about. Are you really trying to make me believe that he is the kind of person you want to spent rest of your life with?”, his voice was stern and Loki kept staring at him. It’s not new, his brother being protective but this feels different. Thor is blaming himself for this. Regret isn’t exactly a pleasant emotion but for someone like Thor , its toxic. Thor doesn’t think too much. His life and its priorities are simple. He loves with his whole heart and will do anything for the people he loves, something that Loki envies. Loki is a person who keeps his grudges with full dedication. He believes once the trust is broken, it can never be mended the same way.

“ Rest of my life is a long time Thor. I only know about past month that I spent with him. I know it’s a short time but it was enough to know that he isn’t a bad guy. And if you look closely without thinking about me as your little brother, then you will realise that Tony must be feeling the same. After all, he was also forced into this. But he kept it all aside and treated me reasonably. I think that tells something about a person.”, Loki finished and when he looked at Thor, he was giving him a curious look.

“ Who are you and what have you done with my brother ? When did you get so smart ?”, Thor said which earned him a punch on shoulder, while he laughed. Thor still remembers the day when his father brought Loki to their home. A fidgety five year old , eyes red with tears and a small stuffed moose clutched tightly in his hand. Thor was nine at the time. Frigga asked if he could look after him and Thor complied, but it wasn’t easy. There were many nights when Loki screamed awake and then would forget where he is. Frigga would run after him in the house and embrace him tightly till he stopped crying. Thor would take him to school and would only leave him when he reached his classroom. There were nights when he would wake up and quietly slip into bed with Thor, not wanting to wake Frigga, who he’d started calling mom now. He would have panic attacks and Frigga taught Thor how to help him because he is his little brother now. And then one day, he started crying in the middle of dinner, saying that he misses his Mom, his real Mom. Odin silently lifted him up in his arms and let the boy cry, the boy who lost his parents in a car accident. He then assured him that he has a Mom, a Dad and a big brother who would always be there for him. It was the first time Odin took him out to have ice cream and the last time Loki cried for his lost family. His new one loved him all the same, maybe even more. Thor and Loki will fight on anything, be it ‘who ate the last donut’ or ‘my pet snake is missing Thor, have you seen it’, resulting in Thor screaming and jumping up on the table yelling ‘why do you even have a snake in the house’. The fights will always end up in Thor apologising for something he hadn’t done in front of their parents and then Loki going to Thor and crying on his mistake, thanking him for saving his ass. Seeing his little brother grow up and talking like this warmed his heart. But then again, it was his fault, he dumped everything on his head and left.

“ How’s Jane?”, Loki asked.

“ Not happy about what I did. She was really worried about you.”. Thor looked down again.

“ Will you come home ? Dad is looking for you.”, Loki spoke gently.

“ I can’t come home.”, Thor suddenly sat straighter as if asserting a statement.

“ Cant or wont ?”, Loki squinted.

“ Wont... and you know why.”, Thor sighed.

“ It’s that easy for you, leaving Mom and Dad, leaving home ? I understand what you did and why you did....” but Thor interrupted.

“ But Dad doesn’t. Loki I cried in front of him, I asked him to listen and he didn’t do anything. If he is stubborn then so am I.”, Thor grumbled standing up at once.

“ Calm down okay. Things are different now. And Mom misses you.”, Loki spoke the last part softly.

“ So do I, but I won’t go back until Dad realises what he did.”, Thor looked at Loki and hugged him again.

“ And that’s why I am not giving you my number.”, Loki pushed him away by shoulders and gave him a betrayed look.

“ Thats not fair...Thor you.”, but Thor clasped his mouth shut by his hand.

“ Uh Uh... the moment Mom asks you about me, you are going to cry and hand over your phone to her. Don’t deny it, I know you. And I am not ready for it yet.”, Loki huffed and nodded, making Thor smile and then release him.

“ Just promise you won’t be gone long. I know Dad will understand soon.”, Thor nodded and then walked away. Loki laughed at his brother’s antics. He went back into the store and paid for the stuff he selected. He was unlocking his car (technically Tony’s car), when he noticed a brown haired guy standing a little close to the middle of the road. He didn’t mind him much until a car started speeding on the same road and the guy still wasn’t moving.

“ Hey, get out of the way.”, Loki yelled as loudly as he could but he still didn’t listen. He had a lost look in his eyes, which were a pale shade of blue and not something Loki should be looking at this crucial moment. The car was dangerously near when Loki started to run towards him. He pushed him away from the road and both of them fell on the sidewalk, breathing violently. Loki cursed and stood up, leaving the guy on the ground and looking at his elbow which was bleeding now.

“ Great. Thank you very much for being a dumbass.”, Loki said, annoyed at the state his clothes were in. He wiped the dirt out of them and then looked at him again. The guy was still on the ground, didn’t even try to get up. Loki felt a little bad thinking how he behaved. He sat down and gave him a hand, but the guy only looked at him, still breathing harshly and lips parted as if confused how he got here.

“ Sorry, it’s been a weird day. Come on.”, he insisted and this time he took his hand but failed to get up because his left arm wasn’t working.

Oh God! Loki felt really guilty now.

His left hand was not moving, like at all. There were scars, stitches mostly and it looked paler than his face. This time Loki offered his hand and put his other one on his shoulder to haul him up. The guy took a second to restore his balance and then looked up.

“ I am so sorry, I didn’t know.”, Loki didn’t know what else to say.

“ Thank you. I...I wasn’t watching the road. I didn’t even hear anything. I should be the one to say sorry.”, he was staring at Loki’s elbow, brows scrunching as if he is feeling the pain instead.

“ Its fine. Are you okay though?”, Loki gave him a small smile, which he didn’t return. Poor guy looked like he could use some care.

“ How about we go get a coffee. There is this really nice cafe two blocks away. I am Loki.”, he moved his hand forward which the guy stared for a moment, as if studying the seriousness of his offer, before shaking it and giving him a tight smile.

“ James Barnes.”

* * *

 

Obadiah Stane was a man of few words. But after listening to Hammer’s story, he fell completely silent.

“ Would you fucking say something ? It’s been fifteen minutes.”, Justin was pacing in the dingy hotel room they were in. In response, Stane stood up and slapped him hard on his face.

“ What the hell man, shit.”, his lower lip was bleeding now. Stane pushed him against the wall.

“ You had one job, just the one, to keep that brat occupied, drunk and senseless. You are fucking useless.”, Stane ran his hand on his head and went back to the table to finish the remaining whiskey.

“ I did everything you said. What was I suppose to do, chain him in a basement?”, Hammer spat out.

“ You were supposed to keep him with you. You think Howard doesn’t know what’s going on ? He has eyes and ears everywhere. He knows everything that happens in his son’s life. That was the plan. It should’ve been you instead of Loki, your name on that marriage registration form, your name in the company shares which later you will give to me. Guess I should have chosen someone better than a pathetic needy bitch like you.”, Stane was glaring at him.

“ Well, you could’ve done something in time to stop that.”, Hammer replied in anger.

“ And lose my good will with Howard Stark ? There is a reason we are meeting three towns away in a motel. He is always many steps ahead. He suddenly decided it will be good to have his son married in Odinson’s family and now they are even more powerful together.”, Stane felt a headache coming.

“ You better fix this and come up with a plan soon, or I will toss your ass back to that hellhole where I picked you from.”, Stane walked out leaving Hammer wide eyed.

* * *

 

“ Just call me Bucky. James reminds me of army too much.”, Jam-Bucky said while sipping on his cappuccino.

“ Okay Bucky. How are you feeling now ?”, Loki asked while drinking his own ginger tea.

“ Better than when they informed me today that my days in the army are over.”, Bucky smiled sadly.

Loki felt overwhelmed by his story. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was injured in the field, making his left hand paralysed from the shoulder, result of a spinal injury he suffered. After six months of physiotherapy and constant care couldn’t help, he was finally relieved from his duty in the field. But Bucky didn’t want to spend his life on the desk. It will remind him of everything he had done, everything he could’ve done. It was all too much for him. So he left everything behind and was trying to start fresh. But it was a lot to take in. There was PTSD, job insecurity because he thinks no one is going to hire someone with just one working hand, hospital bills which had made him almost penniless and moving back to California where he has some old family money.

“ You will be going alone ?”, Loki couldn’t imagine how it will feel. Even Thor has Jane with her wherever he was. He already told him that his sister lives in London.

“ Yeah, I don’t wanna disturb my sister. Asking her to fly all the way to US with a 6 month old kid will be a disaster.”, Bucky finished his coffee.

“ Well, you have me. I mean, I know we just met like two hours ago but I am not that bad for a friend right.”, Loki said with full confidence making Bucky laugh for real the first time.

“ Right, you are not that bad, you are downright lousy.”, Bucky had this mischievous glint in his eyes which made Loki laugh too. He raised his cup in the air.

“ To the start of a lousy and crappy friendship.”, Bucky raised his mug too before exchanging their numbers. He saved Loki’s number secretly under the name ‘too good for this world’, which was his exact feeling right now.

 After all, the guy saved his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOO BUCKY IS HERE !!!
> 
> Tell me if you liked the chapter with your precious comments :)


	6. How broken I will be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late again..too much work.  
> here is a new chapter.

“ Are you kidding me ? You sold the house ?”, Loki whisper yelled on the phone.

“ Yeah, I had to. Two years more and couldn’t have salvaged anything from that old thing.”, Bucky sighed.

“ But that was your family house Buck. Why didn’t you ask for help ? Why didn’t you call before ? Do you have money problems ? Is that why you did it ? Are you not telling me something ?”, Loki bombarded him with questions.

“ Loki, breath for a second....and stop yelling.”, despite his tone, Bucky was trying so hard not to let him know that he was smiling.

“ But Bucky...”, Loki said softly this time.

“ The house was costing me more money Loki. It wasn’t repairable anymore. It was better to lose it than to watch it crumble in front of my eyes.”, Bucky explained gently.

“ Okay, but if you need help with something then you know what to do.”, Loki smiled this time.

“ Yes, I will call you MOM.”, Bucky snorted.

“ Ha Ha! oh you are so funny James.”, Loki rolled his eyes.

Bucky made an offended noise even though he didn’t mean it. Three months ago, Loki saved his life from an accident and now, even though he is physically not present with him in California, he keeps a tab of everything happening in Bucky’s life. It’s unbelievable how much Loki gives to other people without asking anything in return. It’s not like Bucky wont if he needs something, but he is son of a millionaire who is married to another billionaire. Bucky is the last person he will need financially, but he will always be there for him no matter what.

Tony entered in the room to see Loki saying bye to someone on the phone. Seeing that he is distracted, he sneaked in and suddenly grabbed his waist from the back, earning a shrill scream from him. Loki turned around and started slapping him on the chest.

“ I hate you Anthony Edward Stark.”, Loki said, even though he was grinning.

“ No, you don’t. Who was on the phone honey ?”, Tony asked while putting his head on Loki’s shoulder which was a task because Loki was so damn tall.

“ A friend, he sold his family house. I was just asking if everything is okay.”, Loki said, enclosing Tony in his arms.

“ Does he need help ? You know Stark foundation can..”, Loki knew what was about to come.

“ Nah.. he will tell me if he needs something. He is that holier than thou kind of a man.”, Loki said.

“ Huh, no wonder you guys are friends. Hungry? ”, Tony moved out to kitchen.

“ I will be when you clean oil from your clothes. Seriously Tony, how many times before you remember to wash up when you come back from your lab.”, Loki yelled.

These past three months went away in a blink. After Thor’s visit, Loki told his parents that he is okay, but denied anything else because he actually didn’t know. Odin was furious but Frigga managed to make him act decent. After one crisis got averted, another one came in form of Howard Stark, his obnoxious father in law, reminding them of the legal marriage. Poor Happy came to their house three times before Tony openly said that he would like to annoy Howard some more and wouldn’t get a court date. Loki wasn’t complaining either.

They did take a big step when Tony asked him out on a proper date, saying that he wants to do things right. Loki was speechless for almost a minute before he said yes. But he did ask to go to a low profile place where media wouldn’t pester them. Tony complied and set up the date in his workshop instead, with take out from Loki’s favourite Thai place and Dum E and U as waiters. Loki was overwhelmed to see how much effort Tony had put in getting it right. Their first official make out session was on top of Tony’s lab table, while Dum E and U beeped violently and ran away. Loki laughed afterwards, saying that they had scarred them for life.

After that, everything escalated quickly. Tony was having less panic attacks. He smiled more than he ever did after his mom died. Even Natasha, became emotional in one of their gatherings, saying that marrying Loki was the best thing Tony has ever done and Tony agreed. He liked Loki, but now he thinks he might have started loving him. He is trying to make amends, even though Loki has no idea for what. He decided that he will tell him everything about Justin once he gets the right moment. Even though his affair lasted only a month after his wedding, he did go to Justin and fucked him in his drunken haze, staring at his wedding band the whole time. It was what brought him back, reminded him the touch of Loki’s fingers when he slipped that band in the ceremony. After second time, Tony had made up his mind that he wouldn’t go back.

On the other hand, Loki soon figured out that drinking is not his amusement but his problem, that every time he sees a complication, he tries to find the solution in alcohol. It’s his go to response for every situation. He talked to Tony about it and he said he knows already. He has known for awhile. And he is trying hard to be a better person. Loki was full of warmth when Tony said that he is trying to be better for him, that he is the reason and Loki decided that he will never leave him alone in anything...ever.

Just take one step at a time and everything will be alright.

But they didn’t. That night after Tony told him that he wants to be sober and that he will try to become a person that is worthy of him, Loki felt all his doubts vanish. It’s not like he wants to change Tony. No, Tony is a far better person already. He is an original personality, always brutally honest but deeply caring, something that people like Howard Stark fail to see. He didn’t want Tony to think that he is like his father. That he doesn’t see Tony for what he truly is. And the fact that he thinks that he needs to be worthy of Loki doesn’t make sense. He needed to assure him that he is already worthy, that he likes him how he is.

....Loves him how he is.

But Tony doesn’t know that and when Tony is beating himself up mentally about something absurd like this, Loki needs to show him that its nothing to worry about.

So, he does something that he didn’t expect happening this early.

Tony wasn’t drunk that day. He guided him to the bed room, where till now, he always slept alone. He caressed his cheek lightly and pushed him down on the bed, removed his tie and then kissed him on his neck, Tony arched his back and then huffed, hand already on the small of Loki’s back, roaming upward to his neck. Loki kept kissing his way down, subtly undoing his shirt button one by one. Turned out, it was the only thing needed to put Tony in motion. He took charge and exchanged their positions, flopping Loki on the bed as if he weighed nothing and made him moan. They took each other’s name like this for the first time, passionate, heavy with desire. Tony had experienced sex before but this was something else. He never had this with a person, who is in love with him. That’s what made it different. That’s what made him whole for the first time.

After that night, everything changed. Loki knew he was married before, but now he feels that they have entered it truly. There were no barriers now, only kisses here and there. Less drinking and more ‘I love you’, less bickering over motor oil and lab dirt, more sorry and promises and Loki believed every single one of them.

Tony’s voice brought him back from his musings. He went to the kitchen and saw Tony making Mac and cheese. Coffee was already in the pot, because if Scotch is out of question then he needs at least something. Tony trying to cut back on alcohol made him smile every time but as soon as he realised that tony still hasn’t washed up, Loki gagged.

He tried to take a deep breath but gave up. Instead, he ran back to the bedroom and threw up in the toilet. After heaving whatever was in his stomach, he let his head drop on it. He felt Tony’s hand rubbing his back, but his vomiting was followed by a killer headache. He felt so drained that he just tried to relax.

“ What happened ?”, Tony whispered to him, worry evident in his tone. When Loki mustered enough energy to look up, he was again face to face with Tony’s still oil laden clothes and he was back to square one, retching again.

“ I swear to God Tony, change your clothes.”, Loki managed to say. Tony didn’t take long to understand what was making him sick and he ran back to put on a clean shirt and sweats. When he came back, Loki was rinsing his mouth in the sink.

“ Sorry.”, Tony said looking extremely guilty, which make Loki’s heart ache. He wants to kiss that frown away but those have to wait. Tony took him by his shoulder and brought him to the living room, away from all the smell.

“ I completely forgot that you will have such bad reaction to this. I will take a shower in lab before coming home now.”, Tony said gently, his tone getting sadder by each word.

“ Wasn’t your fault, I am not usually this sick because of it. Although it did happen to me when our house got painted every summer. I hated that.”, Loki said. He laid his head on Tony’s shoulder, feeling lot better when he had clean clothes on. Tony embraced him in a comfortable position.

“ Let’s go to the doctor tomorrow. If this is happening more than usual then I think you should get it checked.”, Tony said, already picking up his phone and scrolling down to find a physician’s number.

“ I can go by myself. You have a meeting tomorrow. Something tells me that Howard is not a big fan of rescheduling.”, Loki said.

“ Really, what gave it away ? His hour long speech that he gave last time to me ?”, Tony laughed and then placed a kiss on his forehead.

* * *

 

The next day for Tony was full of work. Loki had to finish the painting he started few weeks ago but the paint smell was so strong for him, he felt sick. After more vomiting, he was officially scared that something is wrong with him. His appointment was at 6 in the evening and he really didn’t like waiting. If it was any other day, he would have just called Tony and talked to ease his nerves but not today, not when Howard will be looking for a reason to give Tony another lecture. When he finally reached the clinic, the headache had reached to its torturous limits and he started feeling sick again. The previous appointments weren’t done and he had to wait another hour and then when he entered the doctor’s room, his vision blurred and he passed out.

Loki awoke after an hour, on an examination table and a nurse hovering around who called for the doctor when he saw him awake.

“ What happened ?”, Loki’s voice was raspy after too much vomiting.

“ Weakness. Let me guess. You vomited a lot and then didn’t eat anything? ”, doctor looked at him with a knowing smile and Loki looked down. He just couldn’t keep anything down. Mere thought of food made him gag.

“ I will take that as a yes. Ginger ale and crackers help. And if that doesn’t work, there is always a protein bar. Now, lets get your ultrasound done.”, Loki’s eyes widened.

“ Wait, what’s going on ? What is wrong with me ?”, Loki looked at him with fearful eyes.

“ Wrong? There is nothing wrong with you Mr. Odinson. I thought you knew.”, doctor said.

“ Knew what ? And why are you doing an ultrasound ?”, Loki just wanted to know why suddenly his body is betraying him.

“ That you are pregnant. My guess is 7 weeks by physical examination. But the ultrasound will give us more detail.”, doctor finished with a smile.

Loki’s mouth slightly gaped at the discovery. He kept staring at the doctor, all his thoughts on a sudden halt and the only word ringing in his ears

 _Pregnant_.

They weren’t exactly careful these last two months. They never discussed it. What if Tony doesn’t want a baby. Even if it was an absurd thought because Tony did talk about having kids often.

But it’s too early. And he is seven weeks already. He kept thinking while the doctor started spreading gel on his belly, which is flat now but in next few months, it will grow. There is a live human being inside him. He didn’t even notice that the doctor was talking.

“ And this is the heart beat. You are lucky, it’s hard to find a heart beat at 7 weeks.”, that was when his focus shifted and he heard the sound, the faint thudding, made by a tiny little baby.

His baby

Tony’s baby

Theirs.

A tear escaped from his eye and he didn’t even care. All his doubts, worries vanished the moment he heard that sound. He has never been this sure of anything in his life and it scared him a little. He never realised how much he wanted this until this moment, looking at the screen, even if he can’t understand or find out what’s going on in it. He never felt this fearless before, like he has all the strength in this world to protect his child, even if he fainted an hour ago.

Now the only thing that remains is telling Tony about this.

He left the clinic at 9:30 and immediately checked his phone. Tony must’ve been worried sick, which is why he felt odd when there was no text or call from him. Maybe the meeting stretched really long. He will wait for him at home.

But when he reached home, Tony’s car was already in the garage. There was no way that Tony was home and didn’t call him. He is not a patient man. He felt an unnatural tugging in his heart, quite out of place. He slowly made his way upstairs and put his key in. The house smelled of whiskey, a lot of whiskey. He sighed and then started moving towards the bedroom. It’s not like he didn’t expect him to relapse. He knew it will be a long road and he was ready for it. Maybe he will hold the news till morning. He took a deep breath and opened the door, hoping to find Tony still awake.

What he didn’t expect was to find his husband and another man, naked in their bed, passed out and breathing softly, tangled limb to limb.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUN DUNNNNNN !!!!


	7. How did it come to this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to Flora Cash ( Somebody else ) while writing this and it gave me major feels.  
> Maybe you guys can give it a try while reading *sobs*.

_What he didn’t expect was to find his husband and another man, naked in their bed, passed out and breathing softly, tangled limb to limb._

Loki closed the door and sat down on the ground outside, eyes frozen and lips parted. There is an ultrasound picture in his jacket pocket. There is a baby inside him and then there is a man inside his room...his bedroom, with his husband, the man he is in love with. He could feel his heart tightening, even though logical part of his mind knows it’s impossible. But then how can he feel his heart shattering, the overwhelming ache that is slowly spreading in his veins. There were tears in his eyes but he refused to cry, refused to spill any of it for his child’s father.

The child

Their child

No..his child.

He stood up slowly, taking the support of the very door that destroyed his world, because he has no strength left. He has nothing left.

Not nothing.

I still have my baby.

He left the car keys on the table, this table where they had countless dinners together. He looked back at the house again, the house that they made their home and now he has nothing to wait here for. So, he opened the main door, left the door key in the keyhole and walked away from an expected life which turned out to be a dream.

* * *

 

Tony woke up, his vision groggy and head spinning hard. It was too hot under the covers, but he doesn’t remember why. He was in the bedroom naked, but why is Justin here.

All the sleep vanished at sudden realization of who he is in bed with. He jumped of the bed as if those sheets burnt him. He put his pants up in a hurry and then geared himself to scream.

“ Get the fuck off my bed Justin.”, Tony yelled, eyes red with fury. He stripped the cover with force and threw Justin’s clothes on him.

“ Whoa, not even a good morning.”, Hammer yawned and stretched his hands above his head. Tony ran out of patience and dragged him out of bed.

“ What the fuck is this ? What are you doing ? And...what the hell happened here.”, Tony looked around, extremely confused to see himself in the bedroom, Justin’s shirt and jacket on the floor and a still very naked Justin Hammer in his room, where it should’ve been Loki.

Loki

Oh no.

Tony rushed to the living room, dressed only in his pants and found it empty.

“ No..no no no”, he mumbled and then looked into the kitchen. Hammer followed him, now fully dressed and making an innocent face as if Tony’s world didn’t just exploded.

“ Tony, wait for a sec...”, but Tony avoided him like a plague and ran back to his bedroom, looking for his phone. He punched the numbers because he made an effort to learn them by heart. The phone came switched off. He tried at least three times again before screaming and throwing it away.

“ Calm down Tony.”, Justin tried to get a hold on his shoulder but Tony moved away.

“ You...what did you do ?”, Tony looked at Justin with enraged eyes.

“ What did I do ? It was you who did everything last night, even some of the tricks were new. Did your new boy toy teach you those ? Coz I was impressed.”, Justin smirked and flopped down on the couch.

“ Shut up. If I hear another lie from your disgusting mouth, I am going lose it.”, Tony warned him. Of course he is lying. Tony will never do that, not to Loki.

“ Lies ? Really Tony ? Coz as far as I remember you are the one who called me last night.”, I was happy and away, minding my own business and then you call me, fully drunk and out of your mind...”, but Tony wasn’t having any of it. He grabbed him by his collar and slammed him into the wall.

“ I will never do that to him. I will never betray my husband.”, Tony yelled in his face.

“ Husband ? Right but believe it or not, it was my name you were screaming last night.”, and Tony punched him. A full forced square up his jaw and Justin howled in pain.

“ Son of a.. damnit. Fuck you.”, Justin screamed but Tony was already dragging him out of his house.

“ GET OUT.”, He closed the door and slid down, his head in his hands. He can;t remember anything about last night but he refused to believe anything that Justin said. He did not remember calling him. He quickly opened his log to see Justin’s number. It was there.

Six times.

He called him six times.

Yet he cannot believe it. Why would he call him ? It doesn’t make any sense. He did drink though. But one glass, that Stane offered him, made him guilty enough that he left the meeting early. He remembers taking the lift and going into the garage. He remembers thinking that if there is still time, maybe he can join Loki on his doctor’s appointment. But he doesn’t remember anything after that.

And Loki, where did he go ? Did he see him...them ? Together in their bedroom.

Tony’s blood froze at the thought and he got up. This time he tried calling from the landline but again the same answer. He couldn’t think straight.

Did Loki leave ?

But he said he would never leave him alone, never again. He promised.

Tony is not ready to live a life without Loki. One more chance, that’s all he needs, one more chance to see his face, to look into his eyes and explain that this isn’t his fault, at least not this time.

He quickly dialed a number and then waited.

“ Anthony, what a pleasant surprise.”, Frigga’s gentle voice came from the phone.

“ Is Loki there ? Did he come to meet you guys last night or today? ”, Tony never sounded this serious ever.

“ No, he is not here. Tony, is everything okay ? You sound worried.”, Frigga asked.

Tony didn’t wanna breakdown in front of Loki’s family. But nothing is okay. He knows it. Sooner or later, they are gonna know.

“ I c...I cant find him. He is not here, not since last night.”, and Tony started telling her everything, including the part with Justin.

“ I trusted you with my boy and this is what you do ?”, Frigga’s tone send a wave of pure terror in Tony’s body.

“ I know you wont believe if I say I didn’t do it, but for now I will settle for any news that you get on him. Please, just...I need to know he is okay. He was sick, he went to the hospital. Will you at least tell me if he comes to you ? ”, Tony was begging at this point. He will find a way to prove his innocence. But they need to find him first.

“ I am sending Heimdall out to look for him. I will deal with you later.”, Frigga hung up and ran downstairs to find Odin.

* * *

 

Loki was sitting on the side walk again. Last time he was here, Thor was with him. Maybe that’s why he came here. Somewhere in his heart, he thought that maybe Thor will be here again. And then everything will be fine. Because Thor will never let anyone hurt him. But reality is that Loki doesn’t even know where he is. When Thor ran away, he swept away everything from the web. His father has a big network. They would’ve found him no matter how careful he would be. If not for Frigga , he would’ve already torn apart half of America to look for him.

Frigga... oh how much he wants to hug his mother and forget everything that happened. Maybe he could still do that.

He took out his phone but found it off. He didn’t get a chance to charge it last night. His phone and his wallet were the only things he left with. They were the only things that actually belonged to him. He stood up and hailed a cab, ready to go home, the only home, his parent’s home.

He reached his house but Heimdall wasn’t on the front gate like he always was, which was odd. It gave him an inkling that the news of his disappearance might’ve reached his parents already. When he was on the stairs, he heard shouting. Loki is twenty four years old and he had never seen his parents shouting at each other, even when Thor ran away. They argued yes , but never screamed like the voices he was hearing. He stopped near the door not sure if he should enter. Then, he heard his name.

“ Go back. Go back? You want him to go back to him ? Did you not listen to a word I just said?”, Frigga was furious.

“ I heard you woman, but you have to understand. Loki needs to go back or else we are doomed.”, Odin screamed in an equal volume making Loki flinch outside.

“ He cheated on him Odin. He broke his heart. I am not going to let my son suffer anymore.”, Frigga stood her ground and looked Odin directly into his eyes, daring him to say anything.

“ We cant Frigga.”, Odin said again, this time in a defeated tone which he never heard on his father before. Frigga narrowed her eyes.

“ What are you not telling me ?”, Frigga looked in suspicion. This stubborn request coming from Odin didn’t make any sense. Odin looked at her but something in her eyes told him not to lie this time.

“ We...we will lose the company, if he doesn’t go back. We will lose everything.”, Odin stood up from his chair and sighed. Loki put a hand on his mouth in shock.

“ What are you talking about ?”, Frigga came closer to him.

“ Howard...he made a deal. The company was in loss so I asked him for help. He...he said if I agree to marry one of my sons to Tony, then he will buy all the Borson shares and increase their market value. There is a ...a contract and...if Loki didn’t go back , he will destroy us.”, Odin put his head in his hands after finally telling the truth to Frigga.

Loki was numb. He felt as if he was drifting in air and all the weight has left him. Maybe he already died, because no one in his life cares to tell him the truth and their lies have finally killed him.

His father sold him for money. Yes ..he sold him to get his company back. But if he was ready to do this to Thor then what is his adopted son to him. Loki still waited outside, waited for moments which felt like eternity because he still trusts his mother. He waited for her to say something...anything. He waited for her to say that Odin is wrong , that what he did was unacceptable.

But she remained silent.

And Loki walked away again, this time from another home, the one he grew up in. But that’s not all he is walking away from. He is walking away from everything, from his mother, from his father, from being an Odinson. He is just Loki, Loki that came into this house years ago. He had nothing then, he has nothing now, except for this tiny life that’s inside him.

* * *

 

Tony called his father from Happy’s phone. They were looking for Loki everywhere they could think of. When his father picked up, he braced himself.

“ Dad, is Loki in the office ?”, Tony asked because even if it’s the last place Loki will go to, it’s worth a shot.

“ Lost your husband ?”, Howard said unemotionally as always, but those words poked Tony right on his heart, because they were true.

“ YES. Yes Dad, I lost him. Now can you please be a goddamn human being for a second and help me ?”, he yelled at him in frustration. This caught Howard’s attention and Tony told him everything, about Hammer, about Loki’s disappearance.

“ You want me to clean your mess. What did I tell you about seeing Hammer ?”, Howard was enraged.

“ Wow , really ? You are my father. You could at least ask me if I did it. You just assume that I am always wrong.”, it was nothing new for Tony, but he thought that his father might give a damn about Loki. Turns out he is wrong.

“ If you are right, prove it. Maybe then I will help you.”, and Howard hung up. Tony tried not to smash this phone to pieces. He asked Happy to sit in the car and drove directly to a pathology. Happy was confused, but Tony didn’t wait to explain. He walked in and found the reception.

“ I need an urgent blood test. I need you to look for Benzodiazepine in my system.”, Tony ordered. It was then Happy caught on what he is doing.

“ Benzos ? You think you were drugged ?”, Happy asked.

“ Howard needs a proof. You know he can find him. He knows people in the FBI, even in SHIELD. Justin Hammer did this, I am sure of it.”, Tony looked at Happy who still didn’t look convinced.

“ I am just saying that this isn’t the first time you had blacked out because of drinking.”, Happy knows that it’s a sore spot he is touching.

“ I LOVE HIM. Happy, I love him. And I know that no one is going to believe me, that no one even wants to think that Tony Stark has a heart. But if there is one thing that I promised myself not to do was to hurt him. And even if I did drink, it wouldn’t change that. Nothing will ever change that.”, Tony felt defeated. Happy slowly came in his space and enclosed him in a hug.

“ Let’s go find Hammer and make him pay then.”, Happy assured him and Tony went in for his blood test.

* * *

 

Bucky was looking at his computer for past two hours now, checking his emails, posting his resume to places and then writing down the interview dates. He bought this place after selling the family house. It was a small two bedroom house but it’s not like Bucky is going to be needing more. He shifted five days ago, which is why he was surprised by the knock on the door. He got up, thinking that maybe the neighbours want to know who the new house owner is.

He didn’t expect to see Loki, standing in front him, his hair mussed and his face pale. Bucky looked for the luggage but there was none.

“ Loki ? God... what happened ?”, he guided him inside, because Loki was just standing still.

“ What are you doing here ? Loki look at me... hey.”, Bucky softened his voice and put a hand on his cheek. Loki finally looked at him.

“ No questions asked ? Please ?”, and for the first time since everything in his life went to hell, he cried. Bucky took him in his arms, his head tucked under his chin, while Loki wailed, his tears soaking up Bucky’s shirt.

“ No questions asked, I promise. Not until you are ready.”, and Bucky closed his eyes, his tears falling too.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please dont hate me, more angst ahead.


	8. How to find the real monster

Tony was looking at the report. It was exactly how he feared it would be. Even though, he is relieved to get the proper evidence, he is still worried about Loki. It’s been more than 16 hours and now Tony is feeling everything slipping from his grasp. Loki’s mother called him again and yelled for at least fifteen minutes. Normally, Tony Stark wouldn’t care about someone being disappointed in him. He has been disappointing people since he was seven. His father was disappointed that he always wanted attention, which Howard could never give. Well, if being present at parents meeting in school for your only son is too much for him then okay. Or when Tony made his first robot from junk and Howard couldn’t even bother to spare a glance at it because he had more important things to do. But everything Frigga said struck him at right places, because it was almost true. He needs to stay focused right now. Howard is the only one powerful enough to find Loki and if it takes Tony to face his father nicely, then he will. But first, he needs to find Justin Hammer.

* * *

 

Bucky woke up at seven in the morning because his habits from the army haven’t changed yet. Even if he tried, he couldn’t sleep late and it made him restless. He grumbled at the biological clock of his body and got out of bed. When he started the kettle for coffee, a faint groan caught his attention. The events from day before came back to him and suddenly he was wide awake. He walked towards the spare room, now Loki’s room and then tried to listen. When he was sure that he didn’t imagine the coughing and retching coming from the other side, he knocked on the door.

“ Loki? You okay?”, Bucky asked, voice still heavy with remnants of sleep left. There was some shuffling and then another groan before the door finally opened. Loki stood with disheveled hair and a face paler than last night.

“ What’s going on ?”, Bucky asked, slight worry evident in his tone.

“ I am fine. It’s just all the travel I did yesterday.”, Loki managed a small smile. The lie didn’t convince Bucky but he let it slide.

“ There is coffee in the kitchen.”, Bucky made the offer and went back to kitchen.

Loki closed the door and sighed. It wasn’t a good feeling but he has no other option but to lie to Bucky. He is not even sure if he thought this through. But one thing he knows that he doesn’t wanna go back to New York. He will tell Bucky everything, But not today.

He came out and stood awkwardly in the kitchen, not sure what to do. Bucky was moving around the kitchen with a familiarity of course but Loki is a guest here. After a moment, Bucky handed him his coffee, sensing his discomfort. Loki mumbled a low thank you and sat down on a chair, placing his mug on the kitchen platform. His head was throbbing and the nausea still lingered but he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Bucky joined him after a minute with his own mug of coffee and plate of toast.

“ Eat.”, it wasn’t a request, it was a clear cut order. Loki silently picked up a piece of toast.

“ Thank you for letting me stay. I will find a place soon.”, Loki said while nibbling on the toast. There were so many questions that Bucky wanted to ask but he respects Loki’s decision. The condition he was in yesterday was heart breaking. He wanted to look on the web about what happened but didn’t because he felt like he would be prying on something Loki didn’t want him to know.

But even without looking in the details, Bucky can summarize that Loki has left everything of his old life, his money, his status, definitely his husband because if something happened in his family then he would’ve gone to him first. But he is here instead.

“ Uh huh..and how are you planning on paying the rent ?”, Bucky asked. Loki stopped eating and looked up.

Wow..he really didn’t think this through. Obviously he knows he will need a job. But his field isn’t very giving. Not all artists make it through to the top and Loki doesn’t consider himself that great of an artist anyway. So, he will have to get something else for now.

But that’s not what’s scaring him. It’s the fact that Loki has never really done anything by himself ever since he was a kid. They always had Darcy’s mom when they were kids and then a number of servants who did their stuff, even though Thor and Loki considered them family. What is he going to do ?

“ Earth to Loki ?”, Bucky’s voice brought him back from his inner turmoil.

“ I said that you can live here as long as you want. Don’t worry about it.”, Bucky said with a smile.

“ But I cant, not without rent. I...I can get a job.”, Loki started with conviction but then his voice became feeble at the end. Who is he kidding? He knows nothing to survive out there.

“ Well, that makes the two of us buddy, because apart from this house, I have nothing. Looking for a job with just one working hand is not easy.”. Bucky sighed.

“ But..you said you had a job.”, Loki was confused.

“ It’s temporary. I am looking for something that has the word tenure in it.”, Bucky tried to lighten the mood.

“ What is your temporary job ?”, Loki was now interested in the conversation.

“ Barista at my friends cafe, good pay and I don’t really do anything apart from taking orders and making bills.”, Bucky said sheepishly.

“ That’s awesome. Can you...is there a chance I can have a job there. For now ?”, Loki said, even though his voice wasn’t very confident one.

“ You ? Will work at a cafe ? As a waiter ?”, Bucky gave him an incredulous look. Loki shrugged and looked down at his mug.

“ Okay, get ready then. We are going to Bull’s eye.”, and Loki genuinely smiled at Bucky this time.

* * *

 

Tony was sitting in the back seat with Justin Hammer by his side. It wasn’t that difficult to track him for someone like Tony who knew all his comings and goings at questionable places.

“ Where are you taking me ? Our usual place ?”, Justin smirked at him and Tony’s blood boiled. He closed his fist with gritted teeth and looked at Happy in the rear view mirror, who silently pleads him to calm down for few minutes more. He looked at Justin and grinned.

“ Oh you will know soon enough.”, he looked away and controlled his rage. To be so close to the man, who ruined his life with his lies was unbearable. He is hoping that all this proof stuff ends soon so that he can resume his search for Loki with some embellished intelligence people his father will offer.

When the car stopped in front of Stark building, Hammer’s face paled. He knew how Tony’s relationship with his father is. He looked at Tony who had his poker face on and asked him to follow inside. Justin’s heartbeat escalated and he stopped in his tracks. Even though he knew that escaping Happy was impossible, he tried anyway. But Happy was faster and he grabbed him by his neck.

“ You are not going anywhere.”, Happy hissed at him and seeing the true horror on Hammer’s face was utterly satisfying for Tony.

“ Okay wait..hear me out for a second.”, Justin begged, he actually begged while struggling in Happy’s grip.

“ Get him in.”, Tony without even sparing a glance to his pleading eyes, went straight into his father’s office.

* * *

 

Loki followed Bucky inside the cafe which wasn’t small, but wasn’t very extravagant either. It had a very comfortable environment with white walls and artsy lamps. The tables were simple and every table had a small flower vase. When he heard Bull’s eye, that’s not what he was expecting though. Bucky went inside the cashier desk and gestured Loki to follow him.

“ Hey there boss, cafe looks slow today.”, Bucky chimed in with too much enthusiasm which made Clint’s eyebrows rise up. He gave Loki a look and then turned his attention back to Bucky.

“ What’s wrong with you Barnes ? Why so smiley today ?”, Clint stood up.

“ Well, I want you to meet my friend Loki and he needs a job.”, Bucky said while fidgeting with his hand. Clint looked at Loki again who looked as if about to faint any second now.

“ Okay firstly, no and secondly, how rich do you think I am ?”, Clint huffed and moved out of the desk going towards the kitchen, looking very annoyed. When Bucky tried to follow him, Loki held him back.

“ Maybe I should look somewhere else. He doesn’t look like he is happy with all this.”, Loki whispered to him.

“ Clint ? Oh no, he just has a resting bitch face. He is a big softie inside. Come with me.”, Bucky was fully pumped up to try again and Loki looked a kicked puppy. He saw Clint talking to another guy meanwhile.

“ Barnes, go take the wheel man. It’s been real slow without you.”, the man said and Bucky greeted him with a smile.

“ That’s what I said Sam. But grumpy bird here is not in a very jokey mood today.”, Bucky glared at Clint, leaving the boss employee mode and entering best friend mode instead. Sam laughed and grabbed Clint by his shoulder.

“ Cut him some slack dude. He spent 2 hours in the morning looking for his hearing aids.”, Sam cackled while Clint kept on scowling.

“ Again ? As amusing as this is, Sam meet Loki. He really needs a job and I thought, maybe we can add a new waiter.”, Bucky was at so much ease around Sam and Clint that it made loki relax a little. This Sam guy looks very reasonable. Maybe he will help him. And the way Bucky talked about them, it was obvious they were long time friends.

“ You got any experience man?”, Sam looked at him with a gentle smile which threw Loki off a little.

“ Umm no, bu..but I can learn real fast if you hire me. I won’t give you a reason to complaint, I promise.”, Loki said in an earnest tone.

“ Yeah...I think you are gonna be fine.”, Sam looked at Clint who just scowled again.

“ Clinton Francis Barton, verbal answer please.”, Sam said again and he rolled his eyes.

“ Fine...bring your ID and come here tomorrow. I will train you and then you can start.”, Clint walked away to take orders from some new customers. Loki kept on eyeing him, still in disbelief that he got the job. It was when Bucky congratulated him that he released the breath he was holding. He has a job. He has a place to live. Maybe, he can figure out how to do this for him...and for his baby.

* * *

 

Obadiah Stane was waiting in the conference room with Howard, without a clue why Howard suddenly stopped him from leaving for a meeting.

“ What are we waiting for Howie ? The clients have already reached the meeting.”, Stane huffed impatiently.

“ You work too much Obie. Maybe it’s time to take a break.”, Howie joked.

“ As if you are the one to talk. Seriously though, why are we here ?”, he stressed.

“ We are waiting for something, more like someone.”, Howard answered in a cryptic tone, making Stane a little uneasy.

As if on cue, Tony entered inside the conference room, slamming the door and then Happy following with Justin Hammer in his firm grip. Stane felt his hands sweat and he stood up.

“ What is all this ? Tony, what’s going on ?”, Stane tried to get Tony’s attention but he quickly threw a file on the table. It slid to Howard on the plane surface and Howard stopped it by his hand.

“ Sit down Obadiah. We need to talk.”, Howard’s voice suddenly became cold and it sent chills to his spine.

“ That’s my blood report. Whatever happened, I had no part in it so now will you please just help me ?”, Tony was pacing in the room already.

“ Sit down Tony. Let’s do this right.”, Howard was keenly focussed on Tony’s file.

“ I don’t have time for this, will you just..”, but Tony couldn’t complete his sentence.

“ SIT DOWN BOY! I won’t ask you again.”, Howard’s yell made Tony close his eyes in exasperation and he harshly dragged a chair to sit.

“ Mr. Hammer, do you want to confess whatever you did ?”, Howard asked Justin. He was still looking at the file. Justin was trying so hard not to look at Stane. He isn’t even sure there is anything left to achieve from their con. He has no idea what to do now, since all he did was follow Stane’s orders.

“ I..its...I did drug him. And then I ..well I guess you know.”, Justin somehow managed to answer.

“ Right. And you did all of it for love, I suppose ?”, Howard put down the file and was now staring at Justin with a smile on his face, which scared him like hell.

“ What are you doing ?”, Tony was getting angrier by the second.

“ Trying to find out who the real schemer is. Obadiah, you know Hammer right ?”, Howard suddenly turned towards Stane who froze at the question directed.

“ Yeah, I mean I have seen him with Tony. Why ?”, Stane answered without a waver in his voice. Howard just kept smiling. He sighed and then looked at hammer again.

“ I think you know where this is going. The clear question is how did he drug you, when you were with me the whole time ? The only people who were in the meeting yesterday are all in this room. So, Justin Hammer, if you want to live somewhat decent life which will be left after prison sentence, then maybe you should tell the whole truth. After all, scumbags know each other better.”, Howard looked at Stane again while saying scumbag. Stane swallowed, he knew his plan is done now. Hammer was on the verge of shaking now, if not for Happy holding him up, he might’ve already fallen on the ground. He was scared before, seeing how enraged Tony is, but Howard’s ice cold stare was drilling him dead. So Hammer decided to be the first one to give up.

“ It was him, from the start.”, Hammer said in a low voice. Tony stood up and came in front of him.

“ Who? What the hell are you talking about ?”, Tony asked.

“ Obadiah Stane. He paid me to do this. It was an elaborate plan all along, a carefully planned scam to steal Stark industry’s shares, through me. He spiked your drink in the meeting. And then I did rest of it, got you in your room and then created the whole setup.”, Hammer kept on talking as if on auto pilot. Tony’s eyes widened at the revelation.

“ Shut your fucking mouth you filth. I had nothing to do with this Howard. You have known me for 25 years.”, Stane was now face to face with Howard, his act of being innocent still going on.

“ And yet you didn’t know me at all, didn’t know that the only person I actually trust is me.”, Howard looked outside the glass window and Stane’s vision followed to see at least 15 men in suits, clearly FBI.

“ You son of a bitch..”, Stane roared and jumped at Howard but the agents were already in. They caught him mid attack and the rest of them took Hammer from Happy. There was a lot of yelling and name calling involved but once the glass doors of conference room closed, everything fell eerily silent. Tony was now sitting on the chair, hands falling limp in his lap and his eyes blank. He didn’t know if it’s the exhaustion from running around continuously for hours or the revelation that the guy he loved, _no he thought he loved,_ was just a pawn placed by the man he called Obie for years. The man who came to his graduation because his father couldn’t. And his father, he did try to find out. This is the first time in years Tony had felt bad for his Dad. When Tony was worried and running everywhere to prove himself innocent, his father tried to unravel the whole conspiracy. All his warnings about Hammer were true in the end.

“ I am sorry.”, Tony whispered and Howard went still for a second.

“ What was that ?”, he asked gain.

“ I said I am sorry. You were right about him and I didn’t listen to you.”, Tony didn’t look up while saying all of it, he can’t deal with the smug look that will surface on Howard’s face right now. Happy took this as a sign to leave them alone.

“ Of course, I am right. I always am.”, Howard said with a satisfied grin.

“ Will you help me now? No offence, but this drama of yours has wasted a lot of time. You have connections. Now help me find him.”, Tony said in a genuine tone, one which he stopped using with his father long time ago.

“ You are getting worried for nothing. He will come back as soon as he realises how stupid his actions are,”, Howard said.

“ You don’t know Loki like I do okay. He will never come back until and unless I ask him to forgive me. Believe me, what he saw, if I was in his place, I might’ve done the same.”, Tony tried again.

“ Oh get over it. He is a rich brat who hasn’t worked for a dime in his life. He will be back the moment his wallet runs empty. And if he still doesn’t then maybe after two and a half months, we will officially file a report and look for him. Now go home and take a shower, you reek.”, Howard was already looking on his phone, ignoring what Tony was feeling once again. Tony was shocked to see the sudden turn their conversation had taken again.

“ Get over it ? That’s what you have to say ? That’s how much we mean to you ? He is my husband. I can’t believe I expected anything helpful from you. All this stuff you pulled off wasn’t for me then, it was for you, to assert the power play that you were right about Hammer. Everything is about you Dad everyth....”, and suddenly Tony stopped. Howard kept looking at him, slightly confused.

“ Two and a half months.”, Tony mumbled.

“ What ?”, Howard’s confusion was now bordering on annoyance.

“ You said two and a half months, not one or two and not two or three but exactly two and a half months. Why?”, he looked at Howard with scrutiny. Time is something Howard is very good at calculating. If he says he will be at office in 15 minutes then he will be there in 15 minutes, no more no less. The time he said for Loki’s return should’ve been tentative but Howard said two and a half months with such precision that it scared Tony a little.

“ What are you not telling me ? You know your math. I know you plan ahead, those little schemes in your head which made you top of your game. What are you playing at ?”, Tony hissed with anger. The roller coaster of emotions he was feeling today was razing his very soul now.

“ We are businessmen Tony. We always plan ahead. Whatever I did, I did it for us, for you boy.”, Howard started walking towards him, but he stopped him.

“ Don’t bullshit me Dad, what did you do ?”, Tony tried one more time. Howard sighed, his face back to indifference.

“ Odin and I made a deal. He needed money. I needed to save you from that cretin lover of yours so I bought all their shares. But when Thor ran away, I made a contract. If Loki runs away or leaves you, and he doesn’t return within two and a half months, then we own their company, their house, basically everything that they have a name on.”, Howard shamelessly explained all of it.

“ So you are waiting....waiting to strip Odin of everything and then look for his son.”, Tony looked at him, blankness returning into his eyes. Howard put his hand on his shoulder and smiled.

“ It’s good business Tony. You will get it one day. Odin has done even worse to attain his fortune. At least, I am being honest about it.”, Tony threw his hand away, looking his father into the eye.

“ No, you haven’t been completely honest Howard. You didn’t tell me that when I was running around looking for a monster, the biggest evil was here all along. You didn’t tell me that you are the one I should have watched my back for. You didn’t tell me, that your own son was just a pawn in your game of chess.”, Tony yelled, his eyes red with tears.

“ Don’t talk to me like that son.”, Howard matched his roar with one of his own.

“ No, you don’t have a son, because whoever he was, you have killed him. Your son is dead Mr. Howard Stark. This, standing in front of you, is what you have. An empty shell of a man that you broke.”, Tony’s declaration made Howard stun a little. He grabbed the table’s edge and looked at him in disbelief. Tony went to the door and stopped.

“ I will look for him. I will never stop looking for him. I may not find him but one thing I assure you. I will destroy you. I will destroy everything you hold dear....including me.”, and Tony walked away, leaving Howard staring at the door.


	9. How to lie to your friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay...too much work at the office :(

Tony woke up with a jolt. The loud pounding on the door was not something even he could ignore. He cursed and got up, opening the door to see Natasha glaring at him.

“ Good morning jelly bean.”, he said with a struggle, Natasha went in and he closed the door.

 “ It’s afternoon and never call me that ever again.”, Natasha put down her bag and stood in front of him. Her hands were folded and her eyes were fixed on Tony.

“ Exactly how long are you going to keep this routine up ?”, Natasha was poised as usual but even Tony could see the little waver of hurt in her eyes. He tried to look away and turned around.

“ I don’t know.”, he answered after a while. He sat down on the small couch in Nat’s apartment. She isn’t big on having too many possessions, only few things that are necessary, because her job keeps her out most of the time. She sat down with him, hand curled around his shoulder. She took a look around. Three laptops, all switched on, various newspapers, even morgue listings were scattered everywhere.

“ He is not dead you know. You can stop harassing city morgues.”, Natasha said.

“ I know, I wasn’t exactly thinking straight.”, Tony put his palms on his eyes, exhaustion taking its toll. All his attempts to find Loki in the past two months ended up being fruitless. He tried searching for any information on him on the web, used highly efficient databases but found nothing. He even tried looking for Thor, thinking that maybe he went to him at this time of need. But looks like the brothers have a lot of practice in disappearing.

“ At least, it’s one less thing to worry about right. I know Loki too. He is strong. I also happen to know that he is good at keeping grudges.”, Tony turned his head quickly, eyes full of worry.

“ What do I do Nat ? I have tried everything.”, Tony tried to control the desperation that was slowly slipping in his tone. He left his home, his father and anything that Howard Stark owned. Except for Dum e and U coz they don’t belong to his father. Nat was gracious enough to let him stay at her apartment and continue the search for his husband.

“ How about you wait ? He will come back when he is ready. Believe it or not, he loves you too.”, Nat tried to console him.

“ Yeah ? Well what if he doesn’t ? What if he has decided that what he saw that night is enough ?”, Tony felt the shame creeping up on him again, even if it wasn’t his fault.

“ Let’s not assume the worst then. Right now, you need to get out of this room. Take a shower maybe.”, Natasha made a hand wave at his appearance.

“ And go where ? I don’t have a lab anymore Nat.”, Tony was fiddling with his hands.

“ There is this guy that I am seeing. He talks a lot like you, bunch of numbers and science stuff, very enthusiastic you know. He is looking for a partner in crime. You interested ?”, Nat had a little smile on her face. Tony smiled too; she had come fully prepared this time. She wouldn’t let him be holed up in this apartment anymore.

“ Well, what choice do I have ? At least its someone chosen by you, so certainly won’t be boring. This guy of yours has a name ?”, Tony looked at her.

“ Bruce...Bruce banner.”, Nat smiled at him fully this time.

* * *

 

Loki got out of the shower and started drying himself up. A moment later he stopped when his hands reached his stomach. The slight curve that was now showing, made his heartbeat race.

_15 weeks_

Or is it 16. Loki doesn’t know for sure. But he does know that his baby is developing real slowly. He read everything he could find on the internet about pregnancy. Seeing the size of the bump everyone was sporting at 3 months made him anxious. His stomach was still flat at 13 weeks and he started to panic. He had no one in his circle who can guide him in this area. Bucky, Clint and Sam are really nice people but if Loki goes to ask them about why his baby isn’t developing well, they are going to ask one important question first.

Hey Loki, why didn’t you tell us that you have a bun in the oven?

Loki hadn’t told any of them about it and now he is feeling extremely stupid. It’s not like he didn’t try. He wanted to tell Bucky when he was making him go to the hospital, because ‘ _Loki no one gets sick in the morning seven days in a row’_. Thankfully, his morning sickness subsided earlier than most people, whose experiences he read on the web. Bucky’s sincerity for his health made him guilty. It would have been easier if Bucky was an asshole, or indifferent.

But he is neither of those things. For someone dealing with a lot of issues of his own, Bucky has a lot of will power. He took him in, gave him a home. He didn’t even ask any questions. Even if they don’t have much money, but having a decent house and sufficient food is enough for now. They work at the cafe, Loki in the mornings and Bucky in the evenings. Loki is learning to cook a few things, so that Bucky didn’t have to make dinner every night. Loki helps him though. Specially in chopping stuff, after he discovered that he is very good with knives. He does make him a good cup of coffee when he comes back from the cafe.

Coffee that he learned to make from Tony.

His heart physically aches every time he thinks about him. Some days, it gets so difficult that he can’t survive an hour without seeing anything that reminds him of his husband. Those are the days when his resolve to never go back starts to weaken. And he would slowly reach for his new phone, the one with buttons and one inch screen without GPS or any other contraption. But then, he would remind himself of what he had seen that night.

He wonders what Tony is doing now. He dreads the assumptions that come to his mind often, ones that say Tony already moved on. He would care less if you go back to him or not, because if you mattered to him even a little bit, he would’ve never cheated.

It feels like a needle constantly pinching his heart. The pain of losing Tony never goes away. The reason why he lost him makes it even more difficult. The only silver lining out of his short lived married life is this baby. But now ,Loki is worried. It’s not like he doesn’t care for his child. He tried to acknowledge it as a good thing. It is a good thing. But every time he imagines himself with a baby, alone in a stranger city between people he only knows for few months, it makes him scared. He saw videos of people, talking to their bump and smiling with such pure happiness on Bucky’s computer. And while he was erasing the search history, he couldn’t help but look down at his own stomach and feel something, anything. But all this baby reminds him, is of Tony and his betrayal. This child itself is a part of Tony, and it made Loki’s brain full of so many questions. What if it looks too much like Tony and then be a constant reminder of what he lost. What would he say when his baby is old enough to ask who the father is ? What will be it’s last name ? What if he fails as a single parent ? What if he couldn’t love his own baby ?

It wasn’t rocket science, Loki understood clearly that he needs help. This should be one of the most significant periods of his life, a happy time. He needs to fix this. He got ready and left for the cafe, promising himself that he will tell Bucky everything tonight. If he is going to do this, he will need Bucky’s help. And for that, he needs to stop lying to him.

* * *

 

The cafe was so swamped today that they had to call everyone in. Bucky was taking the orders and Loki was pretty sure that he made coffee so fast, that it must be some kind of record. Finally around seven in the evening, the cafe slowed down and they relaxed a bit.

“ Man these college students killed me today. Why were there so many of them ?”, Clint grumbled as usual. That man is rarely in a good mood.

“ Admissions are going on. Get ready for more of them in coming days.”, Bucky laughed.

“ I didn’t sign up for this shit.”, Clint looked at the ceiling like the drama queen he is.

“ What exactly did you sign up for when you opened the cafe two blocks away from a university.”, Sam chuckled.

But Loki couldn’t focus on their friendly banter. Instead his mind was worried about the constant pain in his belly. It started an hour ago as a faint sensation, so Loki didn’t mind. God knows he was used to it by now, some part of his body is always aching ever since he got pregnant. But now the pain is getting worse and Loki is panicking on a whole new level. Sam noticed his discomfort, when he gripped the counter too hard.

“ You okay man ?”, sam suddenly detached from the conversation and walked to Loki. His face was getting paler by the second.

“ Yeah..uhm, I mean no.”, Loki couldn’t lie. The pain isn’t bearable enough to hide anymore. He leaned on the counter, tears already in his eyes. In a second, Bucky and Sam were on his side.

“ Loki, talk to me. What’s going on ?”, Bucky kept his voice soft and low. Loki slowly sat down, unable to say anything or to control the tears which were already running down his cheeks. He couldn’t help but think he killed his baby. He didn’t tell anyone, he was selfish and now his baby is paying the price. How can he be so ignorant about his body ? How can he be so relaxed about the fact that his baby has a low growth rate and now this ungodly pain is reminding him of each and everything he did wrong in past two months. He enclosed his arms around his stomach, losing himself in the pain that was making him delirious. He kept thinking about Tony, his life, all the hardships he had to face ever since he left New York, the betrayal of his parents, losing his brother. But the one thing he should’ve cared about, the one thing that should’ve mattered, he ignored it. One more chance, that’s all he needs. He will do right by his baby. He will think about it as his own, connect to it more than just a responsibility.

“ I am sorry...I am sorry.”, Loki kept mumbling in Bucky’s arms, before everything went black.

* * *

 

Loki woke up in a hospital bed, an IV in his right hand and covered with a soft blanket till the waist. He feels so tired, and the white light in the room is making him scrunch his eyes. All he wants is to curl up and sleep. A moment later, when he was more aware of his surroundings, he gasped. The memories flooding back in, the pain, the cafe, Bucky’s worried voice calling his name again and again. He forced his eyes open, feeling the familiar burning of tears already. He was afraid to move his hands and feel his stomach, not knowing what kind of news waits. A soothing voice called his name and he turned his head to his side to see Sam looking at him with a small smile. Which is good right ? Sam wouldn’t smile if something happened to his baby. But he still braced himself for the answer when he asked the question.

“ Is my baby... ?”, he couldn’t complete the sentence. Sam will figure it out, he is sure. Sam smiled at him again, he held his hand and nodded. Loki released the breath he was holding, thanking the universe for his second chance. He quickly touched his small bump with his left hand which was free of the needle, closing his eyes in relief.

“ Bucky ?”, he asked because his brilliant plan of telling this news to him has failed. Sam nodded towards the entrance where Bucky stood, leaning on the door with his hands folded. Loki looked at him but something didn’t feel right. This Bucky was unrecognisable, as if a completely different person. When he met Bucky the first time, he looked lost. After that, he has seen him happy, upset, and even mischievous on certain occasions. But what Loki had never seen, was Bucky being angry.

“ Two months. We lived together for two months and you didn’t tell me.”, Bucky’s voice was low, his stare was intense and Loki felt a chill running over his spine. His voice felt devoid of any emotion.

“ Bucky don’t.”, Clint whispered. When did he come in ? Loki didn’t even believe that someone like Clint would leave his precious cafe for a guy he doesn’t even know well. He looked at Bucky again, who was clearly ignoring Clint’s warning.

“ I wanted to tell you..I did but.”, Loki doesn’t know what to say. He isn’t sure of the reasons that he made up in his head, for keeping this from him. The only thing he is sure of is that Bucky didn’t deserve this.

“ But ? Go on; explain why you chose to suffer but to tell me what was going on ? Why ? Have I ever judged you before ? Did you think that I am so petty, that I wouldn’t understand your reasons.”, Bucky didn’t raise his voice but the words were loud enough for Loki. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

“ Barnes, this isn’t the time or place to...”, Sam stood up, hoping to calm him down.

“ Really Sam ? This isn’t the time ? So you are saying that I shouldn’t tell him that his baby is malnourished. This isn’t the time to tell him, that his haemoglobin is fucking 6.5 even if he knew that he was pregnant. I don’t care he didn’t tell me, but _he_ knew. He knew, he needs to take care of himself but he didn’t. Working from 9 to 3 everyday, doing stuff that he shouldn’t. Why ?”, Loki was looking at Bucky with eyes full of shock. He didn’t know if it was the hormones acting up or the fact that the one friend he has right now, is furious. He didn’t realise how much Bucky cares for him, until now. He sounded more than angry, he sounded hurt.

“ Leave.”, Clint said suddenly, while everyone looked at him. It was odd, because Clint isn’t the one to interfere in anyone’s affair. But he looked pretty sure of what he said.

“ What ?”, Bucky looked at him in doubt.

“ He doesn’t need you going crazy on him. I don’t care what he did or not, but if you can’t be a friend right now then leave.”, Clint was now standing in front of him, eyes levelling Bucky with a stare of his own. Sam took the cue and guided Bucky out of the room by his shoulders. Clint sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He sat down on the chair near Loki’s bed.

“ It’s a good thing that he yelled at you.”, Loki looked at him with his eyebrows furrowed deep. How is that a good thing ? Clint took the hint and continued.

“ Let me rephrase that. What I mean to say is that Bucky isn’t a man who cares for many. He has limited people in his life. The fact that he burst out on you like that, only means that he is shit scared about your well being. And your baby which we didn’t know existed few hours ago.”, Clint added the last words after a moment. Loki looked down in his lap.

“ I didn’t mean to hurt him. I was going to tell him tonight.”, Loki said, hands placed securely over his belly. He has lost so much. He can’t lose Bucky too.

“ I am sure you didn’t. And he doesn’t blame you for that either. Trust me, I know him since we were 11. He is more distraught at the fact, that he didn’t notice you were suffering. That he wasn’t a part of it, even if he was there with you in the same house.”, Clint explained gently.

“ Will he forgive me for this ?”, Loki asked.

“ One thing that you should know about Bucky Barnes, is that he can never be mad at someone he cares for too long. He will come around.”, Clint assured him and Loki was hopeful to earn his friend’s trust back.

* * *

 

Loki got discharged from the hospital that day with a long list of instructions about his diet. He needs to gain weight and get his haemoglobin to reach at 13. The doctor explained to him that his pregnancy is high risk, due to how weak his body is. He was also informed, that his baby might have a low birth weight if he keeps going on like this. He was prescribed a fifteen day bed rest. Bucky listened to everything with undivided focus and made notes on his phone, clearly not trusting Loki about his health anymore. He asked tons of questions about food, work and so much more. Sam congratulated him which made him feel a little odd. It was the first time someone else acknowledged his baby and Loki didn’t know how to feel about that. When they reached home, Bucky talked to him in one liners, only what was necessary enough. It killed him to see Bucky so withdrawn from him.

After a week, Bucky’s _a man of few words_ attitude became unbearable. He would tell him to stay in bed, and then bring him his food which consisted of meat and so many green vegetables, accompanied by a lot of orange juice. He couldn’t help but imagine how Tony would’ve reacted, if he knew he was going to be a father. He would’ve gone crazy with baby shopping for sure. But of course, he thought all of that before he saw his husband sleeping with another man. Now, he isn’t even sure if Tony ever wanted a baby or a family

Or a husband for that matter.

“ I have brought fish. I didn’t know if you would be able to eat it coz of the smell. I would grill some if you feel up to it.”, and with that, he started to turn around already, without even waiting for Loki’s answer. Loki’s patience ran out after that.

“ Stop.”, he said in a wavering voice. Bucky stopped and turned around.

“ You need something.”, he asked. Even if his tone was genuine, it made Loki even more furious.

“ Yes. I need you to stop talking to me like I am a job that you have to do begrudgingly.”, Loki yelled. Bucky’s eyes widened at the reaction and he held his hands up.

“ Calm down Loki. Yelling is the last thing you need to do right now.”, Bucky was inching closer to him as if he was a wounded animal.

“ Really ? Then tell me what would I need to do, to get you to talk to me.”, Loki said again, the vein on his forehead flaring in anger.

“ I _am_ talking to you.”, Bucky said, slightly confused.

“ You don’t talk to me, you command me. Eat this, do that, don’t get up, don’t yell. That’s not talking, that’s dictatorship.”, Loki got out of bed.

“ What do you mean ?”, Bucky hovered closer just in case, because even after a week, Loki was a little wobbly on his legs. Loki wasn’t strong enough to hold that much anger, he dipped his head and covered his eyes with his hands.

“ I can’t live with you like this. Do you really not know what you are doing ?”, Loki looked up, as if daring Bucky to answer.

“ Well, what do you want from me. I am doing exactly what you want me to do.”, there was no anger in Bucky’s voice. He sounded exhausted.

“ What ?”, Loki sounded puzzled.

“ I get it. You don’t want me in this. Why else you wouldn’t tell me about your kid.”, Bucky said. Loki was shocked. Is that what Bucky was thinking the whole time. That Loki doesn’t want him to be the part of his life anymore.

“ Bucky, that’s not true.”, Loki came closer, but Bucky flinched back.

“ It’s okay. You don’t have to console me. I mean, I can’t even chop carrots with one hand. Even I wouldn’t want myself to be someone else’s support. For fucks sake, who was I kidding.”, Bucky, laughed but it ended in a hoarse cough.

“ But I can’t let you suffer. I will be out of your way. But if anything happened to you or the kid, I won’t be able to forgive myself.”, Bucky said, eyes sincere and glassy with tears.

Suddenly, Clint’s words were echoing in his head. How he said that Bucky would blame himself for everything and he was right. All this time, for the past seven days which were hell for Loki, he thought that Bucky was angry with him. Little did he know, that Bucky was torturing himself over the fact that he is not good enough to be at Loki’s side at time of need. He held Bucky by his shoulder, before he could escape again.

“ You are all I have.”, he said in a whisper. He doesn’t know how to answer Bucky’s questioning eyes. He has to make him believe.

“ I didn’t tell you anything because, I didn’t know how. I am not even sure if this baby is real. How can I tell you when I myself am not able to come in terms with the fact that...that I am going to be a Dad. And..and I have no fucking clue Buck.”, Loki kept rambling, unaware of the change in Bucky’s eyes who is now understanding how stupidly they reacted. He slowly took Loki in his arms, who was crying now.

“ It’s okay Loki, calm down. I am sorry, I took it out on you.”, Bucky wanted to delay the conversation. Loki was on prescribed bed rest and taking this much stress can’t be good.

“ I love him, even after what he did. I love him so much that it fucking hurts.”, it was the first time he confessed anything about what happened to him. Bucky knows he should stop him, it’s the right thing to do. But if there is a slight chance that Loki can get some sort of closure from this, then he will let him get it all out.

“ What did he do ?”, Bucky asked, holding him tightly in his arms. And Loki told him everything. From that awful night to that treacherous morning at his parent’s house, about the betrayal of his loved ones. Bucky couldn’t believe his ears.

“ Even now, I want him here. I was going home to tell him that...that he is going to be a father. I wanted to see his face when I tell him. From the clinic to our house, all the way I kept thinking how our life was going to change. I imagined so much that when it all shattered, I didn’t know what to do with myself.”, Loki sobbed.

“ I can’t do this Bucky. I just can’t. I can’t do this without him. I am not good enough. I can’t ruin this baby’s life.”, Loki looked at him with determination, so sure of himself that he is not worthy of anything.

“ I know how it feels Loki. Things may look impossible now, it may feel that we just can’t go on anymore, but life proves us wrong. Trust me, you need to cross that threshold, just long enough to hold yourself steady.”, Bucky kept his good hand on his head.

“ I don’t think I can.”, Loki whispered.

“ Yes you can. I have been through this and you know who made me cross that threshold ?”, Loki nodded in a no.

“ You did.”, Loki looked at Bucky in confusion.

“ That day, when we met, I heard that car. I heard you calling me to move out of the way. But I didn’t.”, Loki’s eyes widened in shock. He always thought that Bucky stood on that road absent minded. Knowing that Bucky wanted to die that day, made his heart clench.

“ Bucky ?”, he held his hand, too scared to let go.

“ I thought, I just didn’t see a way out. Army was all I got and then everything slipped out of my hand. I had no future. So when I saw that car on the road, I thought; maybe I should end this pathetic excuse I call my life.”, Bucky took a deep breath. He never said this incident out loud before.

“ But then I saw you running towards me. You had no reason to save me but you did. One miss and you could have ended in the same boat with a severed limb or a paralysed neck. But you didn’t stop. You didn’t care. It was when I saw your elbow red with blood that I came to my senses. At that moment, I realised that I wasn’t just ending my life. One mishap and I could have ended yours too. And then you started talking about your brother and all I could think about was Rebecca crying over my body, as if she didn’t do it enough when I came back from the service, half dead.”, Bucky had tears flowing on his cheeks now, as he stared blankly in front of him.

“ So if I can, then you can. And you are way stronger than me Loki. I know you are scared and so am I, but we are not alone in this. We have Clint and Sam and hell even Rebecca will be excited when I will tell her about the baby.”, Bucky gave him a slight smile.

“ But for now, you need help, professional help. You have buried too much inside you and it’s not good. We will find someone good and then arrange appointments.”, Bucky explained.

“ _We_ need help Buck. You, you tried to kill yourself. You need this as much as I do. This is serious, you can’t just ignore whatever is happening with you. You turn every conversation against yourself easily, blaming yourself for everything.”, Loki was worried for him now.

“ I am working on it with Clint ever since I got back. He recognised the symptoms and is helping me with my issues. And we don’t have enough money for my sessions too. You need it more right now.”, Bucky looked in his eyes.

“ This isn’t fair. I can’t just take your money and go to therapy while you work it out with Clint.”, Loki was restless at his decision.

“ I know what you are worried about. But I promise you, I am not leaving you or this world anytime soon. And someone has to be here when you will be big enough not to reach your feet.”, Bucky teased, earning him a solid punch to his shoulder.

“ I am pretty sure even then I will be capable of punching you.”, Loki laughed, while wiping his tears. Bucky’s assurance is all he needs right now. He forgot all his problems the moment he started to fear for Bucky’s life. Their life is a mess, but maybe they can achieve something stable.

Together.


	10. How May Parker saved the day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> May Parker is here people.  
> Little science bros convo.  
> And of course our Loki.

Loki was working on the counter, taking orders while the three friends kept staring at him. When Loki reached eighteen weeks and his bump was a healthy size like it should be, he begged them to come to work. His sessions with the therapist were going well, the doctor gave him a clean chit of health, even his haemoglobin has reached ten. So when Bucky had no other excuse to stop him, Loki came back to work, but not without a good list of instructions.

“ So, what are we going to do?”, Sam decided to interrupt the staring session they had going on for past five minutes.

“ About what?”, Bucky looked at him in confusion.

“ About the _‘three men and a baby’_ situation we got here.”, Sam deadpanned, slightly annoyed that they didn’t get the obvious. Bucky looked at Clint, who shrugged.

“ Sam is right. I consider myself way smarter than you guys, but even I have no clue what we should do about upcoming baby.”, Sam rolled his eyes in return.

“ Should I talk to Becca about this?”, Bucky asked in confusion, clueless about the next course of action.

“ Becca is in London, and she already has her hands full with her kid. We don’t even know what size of diaper the kid would wear when he is born. We don’t have a clue about what to put in a nursery and we definitely have no idea how to prepare for a baby.”, Sam dipped his head, as if giving up.

“ That’s it, I am calling May.”, Clint suddenly took out his phone and went away to make the call. Bucky and Sam didn’t stop him because they don’t have a better option.

May Parker knows everything.

* * *

 

“ I cant believe it worked.”, Bruce Banner, the adorable dork scientist and Nat’s _still going strong_ boyfriend bumped his fist with Tony’s in surprise.

“ I can’t believe that you didn’t believe, that it would work.”, Tony huffed in annoyance.

“ Tones ?”, Rhodey glared at him and Tony gave him a wide fake grin. There presentation in front of the army was successful. Rhodes put in the good word of course, but it was Bruce and Tony’s team effort that they started arc reactor project from the scratch.

“ I never said I didn’t believe you. I just said that you should be prepared for everything.”, Bruce had that knowing smile on his face which made Tony frustrated to no end. He was used to of being the smartest in the room. But Dr. Bruce Banner knew how to bring him down from his high horse. But Tony liked Bruce. Apart from other people who only pretended that they understood what Tony said, Bruce is one of the rarest, who actually does understand.

“ Now you are just asking too much from me.”, Tony smiled a little. He doesn’t remember when he genuinely smiled last, ever since Loki left him.

It hurts every time he says it in his head. Left him...Loki left him and didn’t give a chance to explain. And no matter how much Nat or Pepper, even Rhodey would try to convince him that he is gonna come back, Tony knows he won’t. He deserves it. He deserves the hate Loki must be having in his heart. At this point, he just wants to know if he is okay. Thinking that he might be hurt in any way, makes Tony want to scream his lungs out.

“ Let’s just call it a day.”, Bruce started packing his stuff, but noticed that Tony was still sitting as it is. Rhodes already left with the army team that came for the presentation.

“ You aren’t going home?”, Tony looked at Bruce, a little lost.

“ Uh...yeah, I thought I should complete the blue prints. It won’t take long. You go ahead.”, Tony was already burying himself in the mound of papers at his desk.

“ Tony, you haven’t slept in a week. Just go home.”, Bruce said softly. Nat told him about what happened. And Bruce can see how self destructive and careless Tony Stark is, if left alone.

“ I will be fine Bruce.”, Tony gave him a weak smile and focussed on work again. It was all he has now. His work, Dum E and U. No family, no love, just few friends who take care of his sorry ass and Tony isn’t even sure why. Pepper gave him her apartment to live because; she was leaving to work in London. And even though he spent countless hours in that house with the others, going back to that apartment alone makes him shit scared and awfully aware of the fact that Loki is gone from his life. How can he go home, when he doesn’t have one?

Bruce sighed, coming back and sitting on the chair next to Tony.

“ I know what you are doing Tony. But running away never helps. Trust me, I have tried.”, Tony looked at Bruce. Something in his eyes has changed. They were sadder than usual, which Tony didn’t think was even possible. He looked down at the papers, eyes running back and forth on them for no reason.

“ How would you feel, if the one best thing that has ever happened to you, goes away and it’s your fault?”, Tony said in a low voice. He knows Bruce and Nat are serious in their relationship, which means Nat must’ve told him about what happened. Bruce put a hand on his shoulder.

“ I know, Nat told me. And I know no one told you this, so I might be the first one, but it isn’t entirely your fault.”, Tony looked at him in surprise.

“ It is, I did all those things. What would you have done if you were in his place?”, Tony asked.

“ I would have asked questions. I would have talked to you face to face and demanded an answer, I would have given you a chance to explain. I am not defending what you did, it was wrong. All I am saying, is that your husband should’ve talked to you before leaving.”, Bruce remained calm while he said those words. Tony kept staring at him.

He hates it, but Bruce is right to some extent. Even today, after all these months, if Loki gives him a minute to explain, he could tell him that he didn’t sleep with Hammer. He would give anything to hug Loki just one more time and tell him that he left his father, and then cry in his arms, break down. It’s so hard to keep himself together and be responsible and doing all of it without him. He put his face in his hands.

“ What am I suppose to do ?”, he said. For Bruce, it’s hard to believe that someone who gave such a confident speech about arc reactors mere minutes ago, can sound this defeated.

“ I wish I knew Tony. Maybe, become that person who he fell in love with ? So that if he returns one day, he will have a reason to stay.”, Bruce smiled at him and gave him an awkward side hug, which brought a little smile on Tony’s face too. Bruce isn’t the best guy for advice but for now, he will take it.

* * *

 

May Parker entered the cafe as if she owns the place, her walk confident and hair untied, flowing freely as usual. Sam was the first one to spot her and he waved his hand.

“ You three better have a damn good reason to call me here on a Sunday afternoon.”, she glared at the trio, who gulped at the sight of an angry May. Sam and Clint looked at Bucky, clearly stating that he has to take the lead.

“ You look amazing May, are those new shoes?”, Bucky tried to smile.

“ Stop stalling and start talking.”, May was now tapping her heels.

“ We need your help with an emergency.”, Bucky started and then told her everything from the start, avoiding the personal info and the parts that would give Loki’s identity away. After a moment, May sighed.

“ This is horrible. If I ever find his husband, I am going to strangle him.”, May sipped on her coffee, which Clint made especially for her.

“ Well, you and me both.”, Bucky said, his mood soured after thinking about what happened.

“ So, you want me to help you guys with baby shopping?”, May inquired.

“ Not just baby shopping, the whole baby 101 you know.”, Sam said, folding his hands.

“ Yeah, that will be very amusing to watch. That the man?”, She pointed to Loki, who was discussing something with Clint. Bucky nodded and in a second she was at the counter.

“ So, you are the artist they keep telling me about?”, May smiled at Loki. Bucky knows that smile, it’s when May tries to charm her way in to get what she wants. For a moment, Bucky got scared that this isn’t going to end well.

“ Um..what?”, Loki looked at her and then to Bucky, as if asking what’s going on.

“ Loki, this is May. She is our friend from school.”, Bucky introduced them. Loki smiled and they made small talk. Bucky, Sam and Clint were confused about what’s happening though.

“ So, you interested in working on a side project? I just got my house painted and the walls are looking really drab. I don’t need much, five paintings will do. I will pay decent money for that.”, May suggested and Loki blinked at her in confusion.

“ I..I would love to.”, Loki didn’t know what to do with the sudden opportunity. He will get to paint again, that too for money. It’s a dream come true. But before he could revel in the happiness, his smile vanished and he looked at Clint.

“ But, I don’t know if I’d be able to do that. I don’t have much time left after this job.”, Loki’s voice turned low.

“ I am sure Clint will manage something. Wont you Clint ?”, she glared at him.

“ Yeah, absolutely man. Cut back the hours here, no big deal.”, Clint said with too much enthusiasm. Loki was wide eyed at his response.

“ Really?”, Loki asked again just to be sure. Bucky and his friends are doing a lot to help him. He doesn’t want to be ungrateful to them.

“ I don’t mind Loki. Go ahead and take it.”, Clint gave him a smile and Loki grinned, clearly happy to get something of his interest. They exchanged numbers and everyone was back to work again, leaving Bucky and May alone.

“ What are you doing?”, Bucky was confused.

“ You guys are so stupid. The guy is pregnant. What he needs right now is to be happy and art makes him happy. He shouldn’t work around walking life hazard Clint Barton just to make money.”, May said and Bucky made a squeaking noise, throwing his hands in the air.

“ Hey, I work here too.”, Bucky scowled and May smirked, enjoying the whole thing.

“ Because you are too arrogant to work for me. All you have to do is sit on the manager chair and sign stuff.”, May replied, looking at her nails.

“ It’s called having self respect. Earning money without doing anything while the others are sweating around for the same, doesn’t sit well with me.”, Bucky said. May smiled at him.

“ Okay big guy. But working with these two morons is the reason you will be single in future.”, May was saving Loki’s number on her phone.

“ That’s not the only reason I will be single.”, May cursed under her breath. She didn’t mean to bring him down. Bucky is still working on his issues with Clint. And May herself witnessed, how miserable Bucky was when he returned home. She slowly pulled him in for a hug.

“ I am going to tell you the same thing I told Clint in college. If someone doesn’t realize what a catch you are, then it’s their loss.”, May squeezed his shoulder and smiled at him, which Bucky returned.

* * *

 

Loki went to May’s house in the morning. He still can’t believe everything that happened in past two months. May Parker is a feisty woman and he likes her. She reminded him of his mother a lot, who never took shit from anyone and handled herself with grace. Loki might be mad at her for not defending him, but the truth is that he could never stop loving her. He misses her a lot, trying to remember all the little things that she did only for him. He would do the same for his baby, because Frigga Odinson is a great mother, and he will make her proud.

So, what if she won’t be able to see it.

He loves his new work. He has already finished two paintings for May. She is a very established woman, looking over her three export houses. She has contacts and now Loki has another three orders, which is absolutely amazing. She even offered him a space in her backyard where he could work. He still goes to the coffee shop even if Clint has officially announced that he is on maternity leave. But Loki likes to work. It gives him satisfaction of not being a burden on anyone.

When Loki entered the house today, it seemed different. Normally, May would greet him fully dressed and then leave to whatever meeting she has scheduled for the day, be it the export house or a client or some social event where she has to be for business reasons. But today, it looked like no one even bothered to switch on the lights. He flicked the switches in the hall and opened the door to the backyard. Even the kitchen seemed unused today and Loki was slightly concerned.

“ May, you home?”, Loki called. He waited for a moment and then went on to set his things to start the work. After few minutes, he saw May coming to him, still in her pajamas. Her eyes looked red and puffy. It didn’t take a lot for Loki to know that she must be crying, but she was smiling, clearly trying to hide.

“ May, are you okay?”. Loki said in a low voice, not sure what to do.

“ Yeah, I am good. Just came here to say that I am inside if you need anything.”, and she went back in. Loki was worried now. He quickly got his phone out and called Bucky.

“ Don’t tell me you forgot your brushes again. I am still asleep and in no mood to get up for an hour.”, Bucky groaned on the phone.

“ No, I didn’t forget anything. But I am at May’s and she didn’t look so good. I am worried.”, Loki tried to keep his voice low. Bucky sat up and tried to be more awake.

“ What do you mean?”, Bucky asked.

“ She looks like she was crying. But then I came in and she is all smiling, as if nothing happened.”, Loki explained, trying to look inside. Bucky suddenly got out of bed and looked at the calendar.

“ Shit. It’s Ben’s death anniversary today. I can’t believe I forgot. You stay put, I’ll be there.”, Bucky cursed himself mentally and went into the bathroom.

Loki put the phone in his pocket. May’s husband Ben died in a car accident three years ago. He has seen their pictures in the house. May looked so happy in them. She is always so tough and full of energy, that one would think she is the happiest person on earth. Always smiling and helping people, always there for her friends. She is the one who forced Loki to go baby shopping, telling him to purchase stuff in turns, so that he won’t be overwhelmed. Loki still remembers the day he woke up in the morning to a loud argument. Bucky and May were fighting over how to assemble a crib. And Loki being overly emotional, because of the damn pregnancy hormones started crying because he didn’t even buy a crib. And yet here it is, for his baby which isn’t even born yet and has so many people ready to do anything for it. Loki might pay them back their money, but he would never be able to return the love they’ve given him unconditionally.

Which is why, he packed his stuff and went inside the house. May looked at him in confusion, but he didn’t say anything. He went to the kitchen and started making tea, ginger and lemon with honey. It was what his Mom made for him when he was a kid and would get a fever. May must be exhausted because she didn’t even stop him. He brought two cups and then gave one to May. She took it and then held between her palms. Loki sat on the chair next to her, sipping his tea in silence. They sat there for about half an hour, without saying anything to each other. But then Loki shifted in his seat and looked at her.

“ What was he like?”, he whispered, not sure if his company was even welcome. After a moment, May took a deep breath.

“ The most reasonable man I have ever met. The one who forced me to work with him in his company, because he believed women are better bosses.”, She smiled at the fond memory, a tear finally escaping from her eye.

“ He sounds like a wonderful person.”, Loki said.

“ He was and apparently the only one who those three lunatics liked enough to let me date. Clint was the worst. He once slept in his vent to spy on him.”, May laughed between his tears.

“ Our Clint ? Holy shit.”, Loki laughed. But that sounds exactly like something Clint would do.

“ I miss him.”, May whispered, her smile gone and her cup empty in her hands. Loki took it and placed it on the table. He guided May by her shoulders to get up and then hugged her. She held his back and cried, her tears soaking through the oversize t-shirt he was wearing, because of his bump.

“ It’s okay to miss him. God knows I do too.”, he knows Tony isn’t dead, but he also knows that he had lost him. His Tony, the one who loved him with all his heart, died the day he cheated on him with another man. May looked up, her arms still around Loki’s waist.

“ Speaking of which, will you let me beat his ass, if I ever see him ?”, May sniffled while asking. It made her look adorable and Loki laughed.

“ Yes, yes you can.”, she smiled and hugged him again.

“ Can we join too?”, Sam suddenly said from the front door. May laughed to see Bucky, Sam and Clint coming in. Clint looked like he just woke up. Bucky moved forward and took May in his arms.

“ I am so sorry, I forgot.”, Bucky said.

“ Don’t worry about it.”, and then May was enclosed in a group hug, Loki standing away for obvious reasons. They decided to take the day off and watched Disney movies on May’s couch.

“ We are just a big bunch of screw ups aren’t we?”, Clint said while looking around. All of them imperfect and yet so complete with one another.

“ I think we’ll be okay.”, Sam said. Loki smiled while watching the TV screen glow in the night. He thinks so too.


	11. How beautiful my life is gonna be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the baby.........................is here !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bucky was in the middle of taking an order, when he saw his phone ringing. He quickly wrote the customer’s order, giving him a small smile and took the call.

“ Hey.”, Bucky was swamped with the number of customers that were already in the cafe. It’s not even 10 a.m., Clint isn’t here yet and Sam looks like he needs a coffee himself to wake up properly.

“ Bucky, I think it’s time.”, Loki’s voice came from the other end. He was breathing heavily and for a moment Bucky didn’t pay attention to what he said. He was looking at the massive number of orders given by coffee deprived zombies. But then it clicked.

“ What? Is it what I think it is?”, Bucky gasped, his eyebrows shot up to the roof of his head in panic.

“ Yes, it started early in the morning. Now I think it’s definitely the real contractions and not Braxton hicks.”, Loki’s voice changed to a pained whimper mid sentence. Bucky was now jumping on his heels.

“ In the morning ? Okay okay okay breathe man, just breathe,”, Bucky almost yelled and startled the customers. Sam was now looking at him in confusion.

“ I _am_ breathing.”, Loki said, slightly annoyed.

“ I WAS TALKING TO MYSELF...Holy shit you are having the baby.”, Bucky was now hyperventilating.

“ Bucky calm the fuck down and reach the hospital.”, Loki hissed.

“ Yeah, yeah man you got it.”, Bucky was already removing his apron.

“ And Bucky, hurry. I ..I don’t wanna be there alone.”, Loki said, his voice already raspy with the pain. Bucky clutched his phone tightly.

“ I will.”, Bucky was already dragging Sam. He called Clint and May on their phones. He won’t let Loki be alone and have his baby without them in the damn hospital.

* * *

 

As much as Bucky wanted to reach the hospital asap, things didn’t go as planned. It’s all Sam’s fault because his car didn’t start and then there were no cabs, so they had to wait for Clint. For a moment, Bucky thought of running to the hospital in desperation. But then Clint arrived, hair still messy from sleep and without his hearing aids, because he couldn’t find them and it was an emergency. Sam decided to drive because Clint can’t drive without his aids and Bucky’s only contribution to the situation was continuous yelling. Clint and Bucky left Sam to park the car and ran inside the hospital. They saw May outside the maternity ward and ran to her.

“ Where the fuck were you guys?”, May whisper yelled.

“ I am late because I am surrounded by idiots. Loki?”, Bucky was panting for air. Clint was still recovering and Sam walked to them. A nurse came to the group and looked at them in confusion.

“ Um...who is the father ?”, the nurse with a name tag Laura asked them, eyes moving between the three.

“ Farmer ? No one here is a farmer.”, Clint answered, his voice too loud and Bucky held his face in his hands.

“ I am James Barnes, Loki’s emergency contact.”, he said and nurse asked him to come inside. He was told to wash his hands and was given a scrub to put over. He entered into the labor room Loki was in and gulped at the sight. Loki was lying on the bed, his hair matted because of the sweat and his eyes closed, eyebrows scrunched in pain. Laura came to Bucky’s side.

“ I should warn you, don’t pay any attention to what he says right now. Every pregnant person does that.”, and she guided him in. Loki saw him and Bucky smiled.

“ Where the hell were you ?”, he yelled and Bucky took a step back, Laura smirking at him as if saying I told you so.

“ I am sorry.”, Bucky gathered his courage and stood by Loki’s side, taking his hand in his right, because his left one is useless. Loki kept glaring at him. Bucky gave himself a mental pep talk. You were in the army for God’s sake, buckle up.

“ I hate you. I hate everything in this world.”, and then Loki was crying. Bucky gave him an encouraging smile.

“ Hate me all you want. For now, just focus alright.”, Bucky was surprised at himself that he is managing to get the right words out. Loki’s face softened at this and he held his hand tightly.

“ I am scared.”, he said, eyes closing at the pain which was back. He groaned and started to take deep breaths again, head digging in the pillow and the other gripping the bed rails for support.

“ It’s okay, we are all here. You are doing great.”, Bucky nodded, as if assuring himself that it’s going to be alright.

It was gruesome. Seven hours and still no sign of the baby. Doctor told them it happens, but Loki felt like there is no strength left in his body. He was covered in sweat and his throat was sore from all the screaming he did. Bucky was there by his side, equally worried about him and the baby. May, Sam and Clint kept pestering Laura with questions every time she would go out. Loki thanked the Gods when doctor said it was time to push.

“ It hurts so much.”, Loki screamed in agony. He is never doing this ever again. No matter what happens in his future life. The pain feels like its ripping him in half. He knows this isn’t the time to think about Tony, but Loki wished he was here, holding his hand and crying with him, because it was his baby too. The thoughts were overwhelming. He held Bucky’s hand, almost crushing it and screamed again, trying to bring his child into this world. He didn’t want to know the sex of his baby. He wanted to be surprised. But for now, he just wants it out of him.

“ You are so close Loki.”, Bucky encouraged him, even though he is scared that he is going to lose his other hand too, because of the death grip that Loki has on it.

“ Honestly Bucky, fuck you.”, he spat out, took a deep breath and tried to push again. Bucky smiled and continued to support him. When the doctor announced he can see the head, Loki was over the moon. He realized that he would go through any pain, even worse than this if it means that he will get to meet his child. He pushed with all he got, screaming and panting. After few pushes, the head was out.

“ Oh my God, oh God.”, Loki closed his eyes and took another deep breath. He isn’t going to give up. His baby is counting on him. He is so excited to finally meet him. He pushed and pushed and when he heard the first cry, he felt like he got everything he ever wanted from this world. His tears won’t stop and he smiled between them, knowing that his wait was over.

“ Congratulations, you have a healthy baby boy.”, Laura announced, taking the baby and putting him on Loki’s chest. He didn’t have any energy left to get up, so he just wrapped his arms around his boy, crying and kissing his forehead. He shifted a little to see Bucky crying as well, looking at the baby as if he is the only one worth looking in this room.

“ Oh my God, he is beautiful.”, Bucky said, his hand on Loki’s head.

It’s a boy. He is a father now. After these struggling nine months, he finally has his son in his arms. He placed a kiss on top of his head, thanking the universe for giving him hope again. Loki doesn’t know what he would’ve done, if he didn’t have his baby to look forward to. This tiny little being is the one thing that Loki loves the most in this world. He is sure of it. He would never let anyone take his baby from him ever. He would never let anyone control his life like Loki had to suffer. He would never force him to do anything that he didn’t want to. He won’t let him near anything that ruined Loki’s life, no pressure of being an heir, no liability of maintaining false prestige.

His son will be free of all those shackles.

* * *

 

Clint was looking at the baby, inspecting him from head to toe. His eyes were narrowed in suspicion as if Loki’s baby offended him somehow. After a moment of pondering, he looked at Loki.

“ He is so squishy and gooey at places. He is microscopic.”, Clint said in all seriousness and Loki laughed. Sam put a hand on his heart as if he was about to have a heart attack.

“ Give him back. I don’t trust you with him for a single second.”, Sam held him carefully, supporting the baby’s head and cooing to him.

“ He looks nothing like you.”, Bucky was sitting near Loki in a chair. Loki sighed. It’s true, his baby looks exactly like Tony. Same brown hair, same dark brown eyes. But Loki isn’t worried anymore. He doesn’t care if his baby looks like Tony. He will be his own man and that’s how Loki will see him.

“ So what, he’s got Loki’s lips. I tell you, he would grow up and be a heart breaker.”, May said while she made faces at him, knowing full well, that he is asleep. Laura knocked and came with a clip board in her hand.

“ Well, I will need the heart breaker’s name for the birth certificate.”, she smiled at the group. All of them looked at Loki, who kept the baby’s name a secret. He said he will tell them when it’s born. Loki smiled and then looked at Laura.

“ His name is Peter.... Peter James Parker.”, Loki said and May stood still, looking at Loki as if he grew another head. She came to him slowly, eyes full of tears.

“ Loki ?”, her voice was a mere whisper. Bucky stood up, guiding May to the chair, slightly surprised himself. Loki held May’s hand in his and smiled.

“ I don’t have a last name. I thought I belonged with my parents before they sold me for their empire. I thought I belonged with my husband before he broke my heart. But my son belongs here. He will have his Godmother’s name, he will carry Ben’s name.”, Loki said with tears of his own and May hugged him fiercely, crying on his shoulder.

“ And he will have his Godfather’s name.”, Loki looked at Bucky, who was standing still like a statue. Sam nudged his shoulder to go forward and he did, kissing the top of Loki’s head and smiling. He looked at the bab-Peter, and then went to Laura.

“ So nurse Laura, will you teach me how to hold my Godson with one arm.”, and Laura obliged, giving Peter in Bucky’s arm for the first time. If Bucky is crying, he doesn’t care. He always missed his nephew that lived in London. Now he has one more to spoil and he couldn’t be happier. Clint stood near Laura and sighed.

“ Is there any chance you could explain to me what happened here. I forgot my hearing aids.”, he smiled at her and she laughed, knowing full well that Clint understood every single thing by lip read.

“ I don’t know, how much do you like hospital coffee?”, she teased and they went out of the room.

* * *

 

End of part 1.


	12. 16 years later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being gone, work was crazy and I had no time to type a new chapter. I hope you enjoy this and the next one too ;)

  **16 years later**

“ Pete get up.”, Loki knocked on the door. It was rare not to hear the clumsy sounds coming from his bedroom in the morning, so Loki became suspicious. His boy was like any other teenager, always getting in trouble with his best friend Ned and Clint’s daughter Lila. He heard a little laughter downstairs and went ahead, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He saw Peter already dressed for school, laughing with Ned and May.

“ Why are you dressed so early?”, Loki asked, it wasn’t even eight yet.

“ It’s the last day of school.”, Ned said, obviously thrumming from excitement.

“ You weren’t this eager when you started.”, Loki ruffled Peter’s hair.

“ Oh my God Dad, it took me half hour to do that.”, Peter whined, trying to comb them back with his fingers.

It’s so scary sometimes how much Peter takes to Tony, even though he never met him. The same features, same obsession with their hair, but what really scared Loki was when Peter’s principal called him to inform, that they are promoting him to fifth grade. It was odd because, Peter had just started his fourth. They explained to him how talented Peter is. The more they kept praising his intellect, the more Loki felt ground slipping beneath. He told them not to promote him and be with the other kids of the class, whom he was already friends with. Principal Higgins obliged but then also told him he might become a great scientist one day.

Like Tony Stark.

But no matter how much it scared him, he also couldn’t help but feel proud of his little boy. His teachers won’t stop gushing about him. He leads the Decathlon team of their school, he is polite and well behaved. It dissolved Loki’s concern of being a single parent. He must be doing something right.

“ Lay off. They are going to do their senior scribe and I am driving them. You are lucky they aren’t doing anything illegal.”, May laughed while sipping on her coffee.

“ Well, the scribe isn’t legal to be honest. I think it’s actually vandalism.”, Peter kissed Loki on his cheek while picking up his bag, and made a run for the door, knowing full well what’s to come.

“ Peter James Parker, I better not get a call for bail money.”, Loki yelled, but Peter was already in May’s car with Ned, yelling love you to Loki. He smiled when they were out of sight, being the strict parent was hard.

He came inside and got ready for his day. He was having breakfast when his phone buzzed.

“ Peanut left for school?”, Bucky’s voice came from the speaker and Loki smiled.

“ Yes, and I am fine by the way, thanks for asking.”, Loki rolled his eyes. It’s not like he gets jealous that Bucky loves Peter or Peanut like he loves to call him, more than him. They had spent so many sleepless nights together, taking care of Peter when he was a kid. Loki still remembers the first time he got sick. They were at the emergency room for two hours because of the fever and Bucky looked like he was going to cry any moment. It was a scary time for Loki, taking care of another tiny human being, whom he loved with all his heart. But he wasn’t alone.

Bucky, Sam, Clint, May, even Laura who started dating Clint after Peter was born, they were all with him at every step. Loki was never short of baby sitters. Clint was banned though, after Loki found them playing with flour in cafe’s kitchen for second time. It was because of them that Loki gave his competency exam for teaching and got a job at school to teach art. Bucky also joined college again, after their money problems eased up. Bucky supported him when he was in need, so it was Loki’s turn to help him achieve a job of his dreams. Loki’s art was in average demand so he had a pretty good side income. May was doing a marvellous job at being his PR and also helped him keep his name anonymous. He doesn’t want people to find him. It’s the last thing he needs after he made a life for himself here. so, he sells his art by a fake name, Lukas Ortega.

“ C’mon Lo, it’s his last day. I just wanted to give him a small speech about ignoring any ideas Clint might give him to celebrate. He got us in lot of trouble.”, Bucky laughed.

“ How have you been professor Barnes? We miss you.”, Loki said, a fond smile on his face. He was there when Bucky had a nervous breakdown over the fact, that he would never be able to stand on his own again, times when all the improvement he made with Clint would go back to square one. Loki had those days too. Nightmares where Howard Stark would snatch Peter away from him, saying that he was the heir of Stark Industries, or Thor accusing him to be a coward because he left him alone. Sometimes, his nightmare would have Tony kissing him and then in next moment in bed with someone else in front of him, as if mocking Loki and showing him how pathetic he was. Loki would silently cry and hold Peter close to him, taking solace in the steady heartbeat of his little boy.

But now, Bucky is a professor at Brooklyn College in New York. He finally got his tenure and Loki thinks he deserves it. After all that Bucky has given to this world, it was his turn to get something back. It was hard for him when Bucky moved away, but that didn’t mean Loki wasn’t happy for him. New York held so many painful memories but Loki knew it was best if he doesn’t look back. Peter was seven years old at the time and was in no mood to let his Uncle Buck go. There were few happy tears and a few sad ones. Bucky has invited him plenty of times even though he knows Loki would never come to New York. It was hard to explain it to Peter, why they never visit Bucky in his city. It was even harder when Peter wanted to apply at NYU and Loki plainly said no. There were a lot of arguments because his friends were going there and Peter wasn’t able to understand, why for the first time in his life, his Dad was being so unreasonable. He gave up on it though, after he saw tears threatening to spill in his father’s eyes. Because for Peter, nothing was more important than his Dad being happy.

Peter wasn’t just smart in school. He was smart in every aspect of life. He grew up watching his father, struggling to do his best for him. He remembers playing in Aunt May’s yard with Lila, while his father painted after coming back from teaching his students. He never saw him take rest, making the most of his day and earning extra money. He would take him shopping for his books, even to a junkyard so that he could find parts for his robots. When Peter made his first robot, he ran home to show it to Loki. It was nothing brilliant, just a small remote car that he modified and fixed a mechanical hand over it. He called Loki and Bucky to the living room and made the robot pick up a water bottle which was on their table. He looked up in excitement to see their reaction. What he didn’t expect was his Dad crying. Peter immediately thought that whatever he was doing was bad and ran away. Bucky found him lying under the bed, crying. He got him out after few attempts with one hand and then took him out to get ice cream. Loki came to his room later that night and explained that they were happy tears, because he was so proud of him. He kissed him good night and said not to care about what anyone says and just follow his heart.

Which is why Peter was shocked when Loki said no to NYU. His Dad supported him in everything. After seeing his father breaking down over this, Peter dropped the idea of going to New York. He would never understand the sad smile he gave him when he won his decathlons or when he would reform any old gadget into new. For Peter, his father is his world. There are plenty of other colleges he can apply to, no big deal. What makes it complicated is the part that they never go to visit Uncle Bucky, who funny enough, also lives in New York.

Peter has always seen him in the house ever since he was a kid. He remembers Bucky being a part of their family forever, being a friend of his Dad and being there for him when needed. When he left for New York, Peter missed him terribly. He would come home for Christmas and his birthday though. When Dad asked him what he is going to do with the house, he simply smiled and said, that it’s their home too.

Their home was silent without him being hyperactive for every unnecessary thing. That would be only until Uncle Sam visits, because he is generally a very loud person. But he also makes his Dad laugh and Peter loves him for it. He was even ring bearer in his wedding with Riley. It’s the only wedding he has ever been to and it was awesome. He was too small in Clint and Laura’s wedding to remember anything. He only saw pictures of him with a white bow on his head, which someone put accidentally, thinking that he was a baby girl. Aunt May thought it was really funny so she clicked several pictures.

He has her last name. When he was old enough to understand why his Dad was always alone, he asked him about it. Loki told him that his other Dad is not in the picture and that he doesn’t even know Peter exists. Peter tried to ask more but that was it. He didn’t push him further, trusting him to know what’s better for him.

Now, he is standing in front of the principal, who is beaming pretty widely at him. He doesn’t know the reason for it but its freaking him out.

“ Parker, I see congratulations are in order.”, he said standing up and shaking his hand. Peter looked at him a little confused.

“ For what Sir?”, principal dug out an envelope from his drawer and gave it to him. It had a logo of Stark Industries on it.

Crap.

“ You got the September grant. I always knew you will make our little school proud Peter. I just got a call from their receptionist. They loved your project on mechanical wings.”, his principal Mr. Higgins informed him.

Peter was in a pretty good mood after senior scribe, which was now completely ruined. He forgot that he applied for the grant. It was before he talked to his father about NYU and got to know that anything related to New York is out of question.

“ I am sorry Sir, but I can’t take it.”, Peter said in a low voice, tracing the logo on the envelope with his fingers. The September grant offered only three positions and Peter got one of them, out of thousands of applicants. It is a pretty big achievement, but Peter knows it will only break his Dad’s heart that he did it behind his back. Principal Higgins looked scandalised for moment.

“ But Peter, there are kids who would do anything for a chance like this. What happened?”, he asked in concern.

“ Some family issues Sir.”, he returned the envelope but Mr. Higgins didn’t take it.

“ At least sleep on it. May be you will change your mind.”, Peter gave him a sad smile and kept it in his bag.

* * *

 

Ned and Lila were waiting for him at the parking. They saw Peter’s long face and immediately got that something wasn’t right. When they didn’t give up, Peter simply got out the envelope and gave it to them.

“ No way! You got the Stark internship”, Ned was literally jumping on his feet.

“ I don’t know what that is, but I guess it’s a big thing in nerd world?”, Lila asked, typing away on her phone.

“ Big thing, Tony Stark is one of the biggest name in clean energy in this whole world. He is awesome.”, Ned looked at the letter again.

“ Congrats dude. I guess you are off to do big things huh, unlike me who is stuck at school for two more years.”, Lila made a disgusting face.

“ There is no such thing happening okay. I am not gonna go.”, Peter said, sitting on the pavement on the side. Ned and Lila looked at him in shock.

“Pete, seriously? It’s like your dream job. They are willing to fund your mechanical wings project. No other company will do that, you know it.”, Ned tried to knock some sense in him.

Peter scoffed, as if he doesn’t know that. No one would be cynical enough to get it like Mr. Stark would. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner built their empire from the ground. Everyone told them no, but they still worked on what they believed.

“ You know how Dad feels about New York.”, Peter looked at him, not able to conceal the sadness in his eyes. Lila sat down and held him by his shoulder.

“ That was before you got selected into some fairyland with robots. Isn’t it worth one more try? You worked really hard for this. I am sure Uncle Loki would understand this time.”, Lila tried to convince him. Peter gave them a look and thought for a moment. Maybe they are right. He shouldn’t give up that easy.

* * *

 

He went to his job at the super market and came back home at seven to find Loki making dinner.

“ Dad m’home.”, he said, voice lacking the usual gusto. He slumped on the couch and put on the TV. Loki sensed the change in his mood but didn’t say anything.

“ Aren’t you gonna wash up before dinner?”, Loki asked. It must be something big, because Peter is usually pretty happy when he comes back from work. Peter whined but got up and went to his room. Loki sighed and picked up his jacket and bag that was discarded on the floor. He put it on the table when something fell from it. He picked it up and placed it on the bag, but suddenly stopped to see a familiar lettering on it.

The one he never expected to see ever again.

STARK INDUSTRIES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/distantyell1
> 
> find me on tumblr :)


	13. How past comes knocking

Peter came back down to see Loki sitting on the couch with his back to him. He saw the microwave beeping and went to get the lasagna out.

“ Dad, why didn’t you....”, Peter froze when he saw Loki holding the letter principal gave him. He quickly set up the dish on the table and sat down in front of him.

“ Okay Dad, I can explain.”, he took the letter from his grasp. Loki looked at him.

“ I thought I told you not do this.”, his voice lacked the usual volume it had and Peter felt terrible.

“ I know, and I didn’t. This came in the middle of the year. I actually forgot about it. It was way before you told me about New York.”, Peter said, his tone genuine. Loki thought for a minute.

“ Okay. Give it back to the school office tomorrow.”, Loki stood up and then started serving dinner. Peter was a little shocked at the reaction. His father congratulated him on every smallest opportunity. How did he not see that Peter had done something unimaginable. Going to New York is another thing, but completely ignoring one of his achievements bugged Peter.

“ That’s it? You are done?”, Peter was looking at him in dread. As if something changed in his Dad after reading that letter.

“ There is no point discussing it. You are not going to New York.”, Loki said without even looking at him. Peter was losing his patience by the second so he grabbed his hand and made Loki look at himself.

“ Dad, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.”, Loki removed himself from his grasp and walked away.

“ No.”, he said again.

“ They chose me between several thousand students in the whole country Dad. There are only three seats and one of them is mine. They are ready to fund my project. They are even offering a scholarship for college next year. Dad please.”, but Loki simply discarded his request.

“ Pete, I said no and that’s final.”, Loki was getting angry now. Peter has never been a stubborn child. He felt so helpless at this situation. His fear from past years came haunting back the moment he saw that envelope. He knows how much Peter must’ve wanted this. It’s killing him to do this to his boy. But he can’t let him go to the same place, that destroyed Loki’s everything.

“ You are not even listening to me Dad. I know you have no interest in science, so you might not know but Tony Stark is one of the best scientists in this world. I am getting a chance to work with my hero.”, Peter begged and Loki flipped hearing the name from Peter’s mouth. He failed in everything he did to keep Peter safe from the Stark name. His hero? He doesn’t even know that Tony Stark is the villain in this story and worse part is that Loki can’t tell him.

“ And you are not listening to me. I said no and that’s final. I don’t want to hear about this name or New York ever again. Do you understand Peter?”, Loki yelled and Peter was taken aback by how angry his father looked. He had a suspicion that there is something his Dad isn’t telling him about New York. But he always thought it was something sad, maybe a tragedy, maybe he lost someone. But what he saw today, it was the kind of rage he never knew his Dad was even capable of.

“ Will you at least tell me why?”, Peter whispered. He knew he had already lost the battle. But he still tried. Loki’s face softened at this and he gave him a lost look. Peter nodded and picked up his jacket, slamming the door behind and leaving Loki alone in the living room.

* * *

 

Loki was sitting on the couch with his face covered with his hands. After all these years trying to forget his past, it came back and hit him like a sledge hammer. Out of all the labs in the country, Peter wants to work with the one he can’t allow. His defeated face made Loki’s heart clench in pain. He thought what he did was right, but then why didn’t it feel like that?

He quickly got out his phone and furiously punched he numbers.

“ Hey Loki.”, Bucky picked up.

“ Peter did exactly what I told him not do.”, Loki said. Bucky got confused.

“ What happened?”, Loki ran his hand through his hair.

“ He applied for a grant in New York at...”, Loki couldn’t complete his sentence.

“ God Loki, not again. I’ve told you so many times that there is nothing to worry about. He could stay with me and I will keep an eye on him. No one is ever going to know that...”, this time Loki interrupted and completed his previous sentence.

“....at Stark Industries.”, Loki whispered and Bucky stopped talking.

“ He did what now?”, he asked again, just to confirm that he heard right.

“ He applied for a grant at Stark Industries.”, Loki said again and it hurt him every time the same. Bucky cursed under his breath on the other end. After a moment of silence he spoke up.

“ What did you say to him?”, Bucky had an idea already, but he still asked.

“ I told him he can’t go and now he might hate me for the rest of his life.”, Loki leaned his head back on the couch, closing his eyes.

“ He would never and you know that. But don’t you think this is unfair?”, Loki knew Bucky might say that. As if Loki doesn’t know that. Peter worked day and night for his wings project. He had a dream to present it in front of the army one day, so they can make something useful for the pararescue squad. He had explained his prototype to him several times and even though he didn’t understand a lot of it, he would smile at his dedication and willingness to help people. It made him feel impossibly proud at his boy, who is just sixteen. When Loki didn’t say anything, Bucky continued again.

“ Maybe it is time for him to know the truth. I am pretty sure he will understand.”, Loki nodded furiously in refusal, even though Bucky can’t see him.

“ I am not telling him anything, not now not ever.”, Loki said. Peter doesn’t need to know what his father did to him. He would never burden him like that.

“ Really? So you won’t tell him anything about the truth he deserved to know years ago? Do you realize that this is the only thing stopping him to get his dream come true? Weren’t you the one who always told him to follow his heart? You are really going to go against everything that you taught him his whole life?”, Bucky said.

“ He is sixteen. He will get plenty of chances like that. He will get over it.”, Loki said harshly than he intended to.

“ You are forty years old for fucks sake and still not over it.”, it slipped before Bucky could stop himself. Loki was silent now, the only thing coming from the speaker were his small sobs. Bucky sighed, quickly regretting what he said.

“ I am sorry Lo. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But just listen to yourself for a second. You are ruining this big opportunity for him, the kid you love most in this world. What happened back then, Peter shouldn’t be the one to suffer because of it. If it wasn’t his fault then why he’s the one getting punished for it.”, Bucky hung up after Loki didn’t say anything. He kept thinking about what he said though. Damn Bucky but he was right. No matter what comes before him, his love for Peter will always win at the end.

* * *

 

When Peter came back home after four hours, his eyes were red. He looked around and then slumped down on the couch, eyes closed.

“ Do you want me to heat it up?”, he startled and looked at Loki, standing with the plate full of lasagna. Peter knows that there is no way Loki had eaten without him. So he stood up and took the plate from his hands.

“ I will heat it up. You sit at the table.”, Peter said and started on the task. Loki felt even worse to see that Peter isn’t complaining. Loki knows it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt him. Even if Loki hurt him first this time. Peter set the table and then called him to eat.

“ You can yell at me if you want.”, Loki said, trying to give him a small smile, which Peter didn’t return.

“ Why would I do that?”, he stated.

“ Because I was being a jerk.”, Loki dropped his spoon back in the plate. Peter didn’t look up but kept playing with his food. No one said anything for a while.

“ I don’t care about the grant you know.”, Peter said after a moment. Loki looked at him in concern, knowing what’s to come.

“ I just..want to understand why. I have never seen you like this before. Ever since Bucky left and I asked you if we could go, you made something up. And then, you kept stalling.”, Loki looked down, tears threatening to escape. He didn’t realise how much Peter kept unsaid until now. Loki never wanted to be that kind of parent, the one who would force their children to bury their feelings inside. He held Peter’s hand and squeezed in assurance.

“ I am sorry. I just wanted to...keep you safe.”, Loki whispered the last part, eyes still down. Peter couldn’t take it anymore. To see his father, who never once flinched at anything that life threw at him, so vulnerable, Peter felt like he is losing ground beneath. He brought his other hand on top of his and spoke.

“ If it hurts you this much every time I bring it up, then I promise I will never ask you again. But you can trust me Dad. Whatever you want to keep me safe from, we can do this together. Have a little faith.”, Loki looked at him, a little surprised and somewhat relieved, but still in dilemma. He needs to be strong to do this, to tell him everything like Bucky said.

“ Whatever I am going to tell you, promise me that at the end of it, I am not going to lose you.”, Loki said. Peter looked at him in shock.

“ That’s never gonna happen. C’mon Dad please, you are scaring me.”, Peter was crying now, his heartbeat escalating. Loki looked visibly shaken. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“ The reason I want you to stay away from New York is...it’s because your father lives there.”, Loki said, the words felt like acid in his mouth. The years that passed, matured his hate too. Peter’s eyes widened.

“ M..my father? You never talk about him.”, Peter can see what his Dad is doing is like walking on fire for him. But he is still doing it for him. Peter doesn’t want to do that but now that it had started, he can’t stop it.

“ Your father is ..Tony Stark.”, Peter froze.

Tony stark

The genius billionaire

His father?

He looked at Loki who seemed to have been staring blankly. Peter shifted closer and then said,

“ Tell me everything.”


	14. How Clint ruined everyone's morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter yay!!!!  
> I am trying to update frequently now. Let's see for how long :)

Peter was sitting in the park. Normally, he would run around with Nathaniel and Tiana, the latter being Sam and Riley’s daughter. They love when Peter does back flips or chases them around the field, even helps them in their homework. Peter is sort of their go to solution for every problem. All of them including Lila and cooper are younger than him and he is always protective of them.

But right now, Peter is more concerned about what happened last night. Soon after Loki dropped the major revelation of Tony Stark being his father, he told him the complete story. How his uncle Thor Odinson, ran away and his Dad had to marry Tony Stark. He told him about his grandfather, Howard Stark, how ruthless he was. Peter remembered reading something about marriage in Tony’s Wikipedia page. But it never mentioned the name of the person he was married to. Little did he know that it was his own Dad.

Peter was enraged when Loki told him what happened the night he discovered that he was pregnant with him. He hugged Loki, who was heaving, consequences of telling a horrible tale he kept hidden inside for so long. He told him how Bucky helped him at every step. How Clint, who was never serious and most of the time grumpy, stood up for him. Peter smiled between his tears when Loki told him how Sam Wilson and May Parker went crazy with baby shopping when he wasn’t even born. He told him that no matter whose blood is running in his veins; these people here are his family.

“ They never, not even once, took you for granted. They made my broken self into the hard working man I am today.”, Loki said.

He told him about his family, how much his Dad still loves his parents, even though they practically degraded him to a meager business deal. He told him that they are dead. But now, Peter has grandparents and an uncle, who would be furious if his Dad ever musters enough courage to go back home.

“ I left him alone. I would never forgive myself for that.”, Loki said. Peter wanted to tell him that he left him too, he left him on the mercy of two corporate families, who were vultures. He left his baby brother alone when he promised to protect him forever.

Peter took out the envelope from his jacket, this little piece of paper that turned his life upside down. He would never understand how someone like Tony who loved his Dad so much, gave everything away for something so fleeting. How could he degrade Loki like that? This isn’t the Tony Stark he idolised. This isn’t the man he knows. He listened to his lectures and speeches like music. It inspired him to an extent that he vowed to work for the betterment of humanity. His dream became a dirty delusion. His aspirations are now in his own way. He recalled every moment of his childhood since last night. Everything made sense now that he knows what happened in the past. Loki’s small smiles at his parents meet, when teacher wouldn’t believe that he works as an artist and his kid is a hardcore science lover. He would say that’s just how it is, he would ruffle his hair and tell him that he is doing so good. Now that Peter looks back on those memories, he could see how much Loki struggled not to be in his way. How he put a brave face every time Peter painfully reminded him of that one person he was trying to forget. He clutched the envelope hard, making creases that won’t go away. What is he suppose to do now?

* * *

 

“ Dad, you up?”, Peter knocked on Loki’s bedroom door. When he saw Loki sitting on the bed with a book in his hand, he went in and sat with him. Loki looked at the envelope in his hand and braced himself.

“ I’ve decided not to go.”, Loki’s eyes widened at the response. He wasn’t expecting that.

“ Pete, I want you to understand that what I told you yesterday, it was to help you with your decision. I thought you wanted this?”, Loki looked at him, slightly confused.

“ Not from the guy who ruined your life. Whatever I knew about him, whatever you told me, they simply don’t match. He can’t be both at the same time and I trust you more than him obviously. I am going to give the letter back tomorrow.”, Peter gave him a small smile and stood up. Loki closed the book and stopped him.

“ Wait.”, Loki said. Peter turned and looked at him. He slowly came closer and sat on the bed again. Loki remained silent for a minute, contemplating if what he is saying next is going to come back and bite him in the ass.

“ What you said about him being two people at once, I know he wasn’t an honest husband, but when it came to work, he was always different. He had this...shine in his eyes, when he worked in his lab. He became a different person, he became better.”, Loki said, looking down at his hands. Peter kept listening, It’s the first time his Dad is talking about Tony without having sadness in his voice. Loki told him how happy he was before the incident. He fell in love for the first time in his life and lost. He never dated, never tried to get back out in the world to find love again. He was okay with what he has, he was okay being a single Dad between unknown people, devoting everything to Peter’s well being.

“ Which is why, I want you to go.”, Loki completed, and Peter stood up in shock.

“ What?”, he said in confusion. Ever since he got that envelope, his emotions have been a complete roller coaster. He is going, he is not going, he wants but he couldn’t, and now his Dad is actually telling him to go to New York.

“ Your project, I tried to understand it. If completed, it could be an amazing thing for the soldiers. No matter how much I deny it, Stark Industries will help you achieve that dream. They have all the resources. It would be unfair if I stood in your way.”, Loki smiled sadly. Peter came and hugged him, his face buried in Loki’s chest.

“ Come with me.”, Peter mumbled in his chest and Loki froze, he held Peter by his shoulders and looked in his eyes.

“ I can’t.”, Loki said. How could Peter even ask such a thing.

“ I am not leaving you here alone. I know you will worry senseless, so come with me.”, Peter held his hands, but Loki walked away.

“ You are asking too much.”, Loki closed his eyes, his heart beating like crazy.

“ I know Dad. But you have to understand that I am asking this for me. You will be going there for me, not for anyone else. You owe them nothing Dad.”, Peter said with conviction. Loki didn’t even realize when he grew up so much. He looked at him, lips quivering as if words are struggling to escape.

“ I am scared.”, Loki cursed himself mentally for being so pathetic in front of his son. He is trying to be strong since last night, but it’s too much now.

“ You walked away from everything, your family, your money, because you wanted me to live a life which was my own. A life where I would decide who to love, what to do. It will be the three of us again, you, me and Uncle Buck, just like old times. I am not going without you”, Peter tried again, his voice slowly losing the battle. When Loki didn’t say anything, he left the room. He knew it was a long shot, but he had to try. He wasn’t lying when he said he wouldn’t go to New York without him. He put the letter on the table. He will give it back.

* * *

 

Peter yawned and looked at the clock. It’s nine in the morning but he wanted to sleep in today. He felt so drained physically and emotionally. The school was over, it’s not like he was going to be late. He hid his face inside the blanket and groaned. He is going to sleep more, he isn’t feeling particularly motivated to get up anyway. Whatever happened in past two days has made him worried enough.

His thoughts were interrupted by something jumping on his blanket and he screamed.

“ HOLY SH...ALLOTS!”, he altered after seeing that the something are actually Nate and Tiana, jumping on him with too much excitement. He grabbed them both and sat up.

“ What are you two doing here?”, he smiled at them. But it’s too early in the morning for them to be so pumped up.

“ Dad said it’s a party. He brought cake from the cafe.”, Nate said. Peter narrowed his eyes in confusion.

“ Party? For what?”, Nate and Tiana looked at each other.

“ It’s your going away party Petey. Dad said you are going to Snark Labs for making wings.”, Tiana said. Peter laughed at Snark Labs, but then focused on rest of the sentence and he stood up.

If Lila told Clint about the grant, then he obviously told Riley and Sam, because Uncle Clint cannot keep his mouth shut. Sam would’ve told Tiana and if these many people know, then Aunt May knows too.

What they don’t know, is that Peter has already decided not to pursue it anymore. And if Loki would see all this party stuff, he will again blame himself. He rushed downstairs to stop them, but froze when he saw the decorations. There was a cake on the center table and everyone he knows was there. How the hell he slept through all this?

“ Here comes the guest of honor.”, Sam hugged him. Peter was too shocked to react.

“ Congratulations Pete. I knew you would do something big one day.”, Sam tapped on his shoulder and walked away. He saw Clint making something in the kitchen.

“ Oh hey Peter, like the cake?”, Clint said without looking up.

“ It’s nice, but I am not going to New York.”, he whispered, so that only Clint could hear it. He is feeling terrible now, they look so happy. But he needs to wrap this up before Loki comes back from school.

“ What are you talking about? Why?”, Clint looked up.

“ It’s a long story. I am sorry but can we not do all this party stuff right now?”, he said in desperation.

“ Oh God Peter, you should’ve talked to your Dad then. Poor guy called us yesterday to arrange all of this for you.”, Peter gaped.

“ He did what?”, his morning isn’t going as planned, at all. Before he could ask more, he saw Loki coming in the front door, his hands full of groceries. He looked around in surprise and then yelled.

“ Clint! What the hell?”, Peter covered his face with his hands. This is not going to end well. Everyone stopped in their tracks and looked at Loki.

“ I told you 9 p.m. The party was supposed to be in the evening. Guys, I am so sorry.”, Loki huffed and everyone looked at Clint now. He gaped and looked at Laura for help, who was also glaring at him.

“ Gosh darn it Clint.”, May stood up from the couch.

“ Wait, you know about this.”, Peter said in a low voice. Loki smiled and told everyone to resume whatever they were doing. He then took Peter outside to talk.

“ I have sent your letter to Bucky. He would get the formalities done as the local guardian, would attract less attention you know.”, Peter was still looking at him in awe.

“ I don’t care Dad. I am still not going, not without you.”, Peter folded his hands on his chest, looking adamant.

“ I have given the application at school, three month notice period and I will be done.”, Loki smiled slowly as he saw Peter’s expression changing. His tense eyebrows shot up to his forehead and he jumped at him, holding him tight and grinning so wide. Loki embraced him, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

“ I can’t believe this. We are going? We are actually going to New York?”, he looked at him, feeling incredibly lucky to have a father like him. Loki nodded in agreement.

“ Yes, yes we are.”, Loki said. Peter said too many thank yous but they weren’t enough. His father is trying to start something new, trying to be brave and going back, just for him. He won’t let him down for trusting him with this.

They went inside and the party started. Everyone gave hell to Clint for ruining their morning. After sometime, Clint removed his hearing aids, cooking in peace and skilfully ignoring their remarks. They ordered pizza anyway. Because no matter how much food they make, it’s never going to be enough. Peter looked around, he would miss them terribly. But he is happy, because they are happy for him, happy that he will be working towards his dreams.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stucky fans out there, how are you? I am writing a Stucky fic "DNL 44". Give it a read if you have time. I hope you like it :)


	15. How to act like an idiot- Guide by Peter Parker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being AWOL. I quit my job and then got sick. Here is a new chapter.  
> :)

TRIGGER WARNING : Mentions of suicidal thoughts

Bucky almost stumbled on the coffee table when the door bell rang. He doesn’t remember last time he waited this impatiently. New York is great, his job is awesome, but he misses his family. He misses Rebecca and her two little troublemakers. He misses Sam and Riley’s continuous arguments. He misses May trying to set him up with almost half the city, how Clint forgets his hearing aids and managed to get a fabulous wife because of that. He misses Loki, who never let him give up. But he misses Peter most.

He loves Rebecca and her kids, but he raised Peter with Loki for years. He wasn’t very lucky in relationships these past years. So having a family, getting married, that’s all still a dream for him. He is glad he has Peter, not that he is a compensation for his bad luck. But because he feels like he has a kid of his own.

Bucky took a deep breath and smiled before opening the door. He was met with the sight of a very exhausted Loki with three bags. Typical Loki, he saved money on the shipping and carried them all the way to New York. To think that this man was a billionaire once seems unbelievable now. He quickly took one bag inside and then looked at Loki, who was giving him a tired smile.

“ We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.”, Loki rolled his eyes. Of course that’s what Bucky would say. Sixteen years ago, he came to Bucky’s home for refuge and now again, they are here.

“ How long have you been working on that one?”, Loki teased and brought the other two bags inside.

“ All week, it’s good to see you Lo.”, Bucky enclosed him in an one armed hug, which Loki completed by his own two arms and sighed. Bucky kissed his forehead and released him. Loki’s eyes were wet, but he controlled himself not to ruin the moment.

“ You don’t know how much we missed you Buck.”, he said in a raspy voice and Bucky put an assuring hand on his shoulder, his eyes clearly telling that he missed them as well.

“ Speaking of we, where is Peanut?”, Bucky asked. As if on cue, Peter entered with another two bags, huffing and grunting.

“ Are you ever gonna stop calling me that?”, Peter said.

“ Are you ever gonna grow as tall as your Dad?”, Bucky teased, even though he didn’t mean it. Peter smirked and then attack hugged him, almost tripping them both to the carpet. Loki laughed seeing the two men in his life being ridiculous.

“ Thank you so much for being a professor and letting us mooch off you Uncle Buck. It truly means a lot.”, Peter wiggled his eyebrows and chuckled. Bucky opened his mouth in mock horror, but that’s how their relationship was. Loki made a beeline to the kitchen, trying to make some food. Bucky noticed and yelled.

“ We will order takeout, don’t worry about it.”, Loki rummaged through the empty cupboards and huffed.

“ We have to, since you have nothing in your kitchen.”, Loki fixed him with a look, and Peter backed away, clearly letting him know that he is on his own. They ordered pizza and then kept talking till 10. When Peter went to sleep, Bucky asked.

“ How are you?”, Loki looked up and gave him a small smile.

“ You were right when you said I love nothing more than Peter. I never thought I’d be here again but...”, Loki looked down at his hands. He saw the buildings, inhaled the familiar air and looked over at his home for 24 years. It wasn’t easy, but Peter held his hand the whole time. He would give him an encouraging smile and now it seems like Peter’s enthusiasm is infectious. They crossed the roads he drove infinite times before. Somewhere on the way, there was a big billboard about Stark Industries and Loki deliberately turned his head before it could come to focus. He doesn’t want to ruin his progress. Sure he is trying to bet tough, but to see Tony’s face after years on a billboard will surely break him. And he can’t afford that when Peter is looking at the city as if its Disneyland.

“ It will be okay, if anyone comes for you guys, they will have to go through me.”, Bucky looked at him, his eyes serious and face rigid. Loki smiled at him.

“ I know, I just want this thing to be over soon.”, Loki sighed. That’s his plan, stay here for a year and then go back home as if nothing happened. Now all he has to do is to stay out of his family and Tony’s radar. For a moment, when he was crossing those familiar roads, he was tempted to go see his mother. She goes to that really fancy Yoga studio in Upper East Side every Thursday. Maybe he could just look at her from afar. Rational part of his mind told him that he is being ridiculous. It’s not foolproof that the Yoga studio is still there, or if his mother is still going there. He shook his head as if to free himself from those thoughts. There is no way he is gonna see any of them. This year will be tough, but he will go through it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MJ was walking while listening to _fashionably uninvited_ on her earphones, when a car stopped in her way. A very distressed Happy Hogan came out and stood in front of her.

“ What do you think you’re doing?”, Happy said.

“ Walking, it’s good for your legs. Try it.”, Happy pinched his nose and then continued.

“ Why didn’t you wait for me at the house? Nat will kill me if there is even a scratch on you. No offence but your mother is a very scary woman okay.”, Happy gestured her to be in the car and she obliged.

“ None taken, I am proud of that fact actually.”, her mother has her own security agency and she is almost perfect. She took the brochure out of her bag and looked at the building on the cover. Her Dad partially owns Stark Labs, but he still told her to take the test, like rest of the students for the grant. She was relieved because if he didn’t say it, then she would’ve. Getting the seat without any hard work would’ve been unacceptable. Now, she is going to the lab to see what’s all the fuss about.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter looked up at the building, which was so high that his neck got strained. He clutched his bag tighter and went inside. There were the first day jitters but those were topped by seeing your father for the first time jitters as well. Peter can’t help but think that its all gonna go horribly wrong and everything will be ruined. He saw Jurassic park when he was a kid and got scared. He thought what if T-Rex got in their house, how will he escape that? He slept in Loki’s room for a week and Loki banned Bucky from selecting movies forever. His father is not a T-Rex but this building, the whole vibe of Stark name surely is as vast as a T-Rex. There was a three part reception on the other side of the glass door. He showed his documents to the guard outside and told his name on reception.

“ So you are the lucky one who bagged this seat. Mr. Rogers will take you to security and then to your floor. Till then, please wait in the lobby.... Mister Parker.”, she said in a delighted tone and Peter wandered aimlessly in the lobby. He was too fidgety to sit. His mind was running a mile a minute. He saw a huge man with well built coming to him. he had blond hair and his face was stoic.

“ Mr. Parker, I am Steve Rogers, head of security. Please follow me.”, Peter silently walked by his side. He already has a feeling that Steve is the most boring person here. He got his ID card made and gave his fingerprints and retina scan. Steve didn’t speak a word through the whole thing. Maybe it’s a security thing? What does Peter know about bouncers and bodyguards anyway?

“ Clearly not much.”, Steve said and Peter realized he had said that part out loud. He was mortified, until he saw Steve crack the tiniest smirk.

“ Relax kid, it’s okay.”, Steve gave him the ID and then directed him to the floor. He got out of the elevator, memorizing the way to the lab. He entered the key card with shaky hands and the door opened. It’s here, the moment he is dreading. It’s time to see Tony Stark.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tony was astonished at the fact that nothing impressed MJ. Her poker face is obviously taught by Natasha. He took her to the lab and gave an introduction of her working station. She immediately sat on her chair and started working with half worked algorithms tony left there on purpose. He felt pride simmer inside him. The sole reason of offering the September grant was to look for geniuses in the younger generation. Stark labs are the legacy Tony and Bruce would leave after them, they need a worthy group of people for that.

It’s not like he has an heir of his own.

When Bruce told him to wait for Loki, he did. He waited and waited and waited. Turns out, he is still waiting.

Loki erased himself from everything, genius billionaire inventor who can’t make a gadget to find his lost lover. Without him, Tony is living in a black and white world, searching the color of bluish green of Loki’s eyes everywhere. After a two years passed, he resigned himself to the fact that this is his punishment, a lifelong, unbearable curse which will end only when he dies.

He did try to end it, once and for all. End this pathetic life, but every time he would muster enough courage to pull the trigger, a question would stop him.

What if he came back?

Yes, death is sweet, but the desire to see Loki once more won every time. So, he stopped and gave all his focus to Stark Labs. Now, it has become something larger than life and Tony doesn’t know what to do with himself anymore. So, he started searching for the next step. It came to him that he needs to make his will at some point, which will need an heir and September grant was born. He would find the one person, or maybe three, he hasn’t decided yet. His friends think this is stupid, but they only mean well. They have taken care of his sorry ass for so long, Tony doesn’t even know why, but he is grateful for it.

The door beeped and Tony knew the other recruit is here. Peter Parker’s resume was very impressive. Multiple decathlon and science Olympiad wins, makes crappy robots for fun and scored real high on his SATs. But what drew Tony’s attention was his wings project, which he wanted to do for military. It already had a great potential and the kid made Tony see himself in him.

The kid came in, barely Tony’s height and looked lost around so much machinery. He saw Tony and then froze. He is used to it by now, so he went to him instead.

“ Mr.Parker.”, he shook his hand. The kid blinked and then came to his senses.

“ I uh I..um I mean Hi Mr. Stark.”, he tried to smile, but honestly he looked like he was about to fall over. He guided him to his working station, wished him good luck and went to his own lab, which was on the inside part of the floor.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter saw him, in the flesh. Tony Stark, his father, the guy who cheated on his Dad. He couldn’t decide if he should jump in excitement to meet his hero or to punch the guy for breaking his father’s heart. This is becoming more complicated than he thought. Mr. Stark was saying something but he couldn’t hear it. His whole focus was on his face that he kept staring like a lunatic. When he left, Peter slumped on his seat. Family matter aside, he acted like a fool in front of the inventor. He saw a girl sitting opposite to him on another work station, engrossed in the papers on the desk. He looked down at his own desk and found some papers which had few incomplete problems. He started on them, glancing at the girl once in awhile.

Peter completed all the papers and stacked them neatly, waiting for the next task. He saw the girl still buried in her notebook. She started earlier; she should be finished by now.

“ Did you get all the tough ones?”, Peter tried to lighten the mood. The lab was too silent and there was tension thick in the air. The girl showed him her notebook. Peter saw a sketch of himself working on the desk. He was flattered but it was very short lived.

“ I finished those an hour ago. I was drawing you,”, she said. Peter was a little confused,

“ Why?”, she put the notebook back on the desk.

“ I like sketching people in distress.”, Peter smiled. It was probably the first honest answer he ever had from a girl. It had a weird charm to it.

“ I am Peter by the way. And you are..?”, Peter asked. She buried herself in the papers again and said,

“ MJ.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Peter was done for the day. He couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that he didn’t get to see Tony again. He would’ve talked properly with words and all this time. He was about to leave when he heard Steve calling his name.

“ Where are you going?”, Steve asked.

“ Home, done for today I guess. Why?”, he asked.

“ Mr.stark told us to drop both the candidates home every day. It was written in the brochure. You are not eighteen yet.”, Steve was checking on the computer to see who is available.

“ Steve I can manage it’s fine. And my Dad is okay with it, I swear.”, he will be thrilled to be away from any Stark transport to be honest. Steve sighed when he couldn’t find any drivers.

“ Now can I go? Please. I would text you when I reach home.”, Peter gave  a charming smile. Steve gave it a thought for a moment and then called someone on his phone. Peter huffed in defeat. He saw another giant blond man coming to him. Looks like the HR department has a type.

“ Thank God you are here, can you drop him on your way?”, Steve said to the man and he smiled.

“ Of course, you ready to go?”, Peter nodded and left.

Peter has never heard a sexier voice than the guy driving him home. He thought steve was sexy but damn he comes close too. Peter was looking out of the window when the guy started talking.

“ You here for the grant?”, he said smiling. He is the first Stark employee who smiles this much all the time. Everyone else is too serious or too silent.

“ Yes, I am Peter Parker. You are a very tall.”, Peter said. He saw today how much he resembles Tony, even in height and stature, eye and hair color. It was weirdly awesome to see where he came from. The guy’s laugh boomed in the car and Peter grinned at the reaction.

“ Thank you Peter, got it from my Mom. It’s nice to meet you.”, he said. They talked rest of the way and when Peter reached Bucky’s apartment, he thanked him.

“ I still don’t know your name.”, Peter smiled at him.

“ Thor Odinson.”, and he left. Peter stood still at the spot.

Odinson

Odinson?

Loki Odinson

Thor Odinson

OH NO!!! He just met his uncle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those who haven't listened to 'fashionably uninvited', give it a try. It's from one of my favorite bands- MELLOWDRONE. Missed you guys, see you soon with another chapter :)


	16. How cupcakes bring people closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update!!!! ding ding ding ding.

Peter kept thinking about his encounter with his uncle. The lift wasn’t working so there was plenty of time to think about it, while taking stairs to eleventh floor. Sure he was in shock about it, but what’s more unbelievable was the fact that he worked at Stark industries. Isn’t he suppose to be a millionaire himself? Why is working for a company that’s their enemy both professionally and personally? Peter has no idea what to do. Should he tell Loki about this or not?

No, he won’t. Not until he figures out what the hell is going on? He saw Bucky waiting outside the door and gave him a small smile.

“ Hey, sorry for the lift. It will be working by tomorrow.”, Bucky said.

“ I am sure that’s not the reason you’re waiting outside.”, Peter gave him a questioning look.

“ I just wanted to know how it went? Everything okay?”, Bucky asked with a whisper.

“ Yeah. Except the part where I couldn’t speak and made a fool of myself, everything else went great.”, Peter said and walked to the door.

“ You saw him?”, Bucky asked, dreading the response. Peter removed his backpack and slid down the wall next to the door.

“ I did.”, Peter closed his eyes and huffed. Bucky sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“ I couldn’t ask that inside, not when he is in the house. You okay?”, Peter nodded but then stopped.

“ I saw him. I look exactly like him, same eyes, same hair. He looked older you know, older than he really is. Huge bags under his eyes, as if he hasn’t slept in ages.” Peter looked down in his lap, fidgeting with his hands exactly how Tony did. Bucky didn’t know what to say.

“ I feel bad for him. I know what he did and I still feel bad for him. I am a horrible person.”, Peter hid his face in his hands.

“ What you feel is natural Pete, he _is_ your father.”, Bucky made Peter look at him.

“ Doesn’t mean I forgive him. I just..I think coming here was a terrible idea Buck.”, Peter sighed.

“ Peter, you are doing this coz you wanted to. You are not here for him, you are here to do your work. Focus on that. Not gonna lie, it will hurt like hell every time you see him, but it will pass. You will move on and soon he would just be your boss. Trust me okay.”, Bucky ruffled his hair to lighten the mood. It worked because Peter smiled a little.

“ Now, let’s get inside before your Dad starts to freak out.”, Peter nodded and got up. They went inside to see Loki busy in the kitchen.

“ I am home.”, Peter yelled.

“ Hey, how was your first day?”, Peter knows Loki expects him to avoid all the parts that contain Tony.

“ Really good, the lab is awesome and the other student is so cute.”, Peter said in a sing song tone and Loki chuckled.

“ Guy or Girl?”, Loki replied.

“ Girl, she is amazing and terrifying, absolutely terrifying.”, Peter threw his bag and sat on the couch, next to Bucky.

“ Which is why you like her?”, Bucky asked.

“ Yeah, I mean she solved everything that was on the table in 20 minutes. It was so annoying and endearing at the same time. Also, head of security is so hot. You’d like him.”, he pointed to Bucky, who groaned.

“ Not you too, why did you even grow up? I liked you better when you were a smush.”, Peter gaped at him. Bucky is sick of people setting him up on dates that never work out. It’s been the same pattern every time. He’d meet them, they will have a good time but no one wants to be with someone like him for a long time. And he is not the kind of person who would change partners frequently. So he stopped doing it at all.

“ C’mon Bucky, you need to loosen up a little.”, Loki said while setting the table.

“ I can’t believe we are talking about this in front of kids.”, Bucky said in a dramatic way.

“ Oh please, we talk worse in high school.”, Peter laughed and sat at the table. He was glad everything was going the same. He was so proud of his Dad for being this open minded. The only thing bugging his mind right now is Thor Odinson working at Stark industries.

* * *

 

It’s been two weeks and nothing went to hell like Peter thought. Tony didn’t come to meet them since their first day. Peter was thankful for that. He did meet Bruce and found out that MJ is Bruce and Natasha’s adopted daughter. He was impressed when Bruce told him how she cracked the test and made him proud. He liked her, but every time he would try to talk to her, she would tell him some morbid fact about the government. Peter didn’t know what to say to that. So he would just listen. Having MJ in the lab is a huge relief and a good distraction from his own personal problems.

The week ended and Peter slept in on a Sunday. The three of them went out for waffles. Peter was asleep on the table but woke up when the smell of strawberry waffles hit him.

“ Food... food..”, Peter made grabby hands at the plate.

“ Hey, relax food zombie. Why are you so tired?”, Loki said to him.

“ I have to present my wings project next weekend.”, he said while eating. They started talking about their jobs after that, finishing the breakfast.

“ You remember those markers you got me, the waterproof ones? Where can I get those here?”, Peter asked Loki, who was drinking his smoothie.

“ There is a shop, but it’s out of city. You sure you wanna go?”, Loki asked.

“ I have to, need them for water testing.”, Bucky smirked at Loki. Peter talks about making giant wings as if he is making mashed potatoes.

“ Wait, is it the same one where you guys met?”, Bucky suddenly stiffened at the mention. It wasn’t exactly a happy meeting. He looked at Loki, worry evident in his eyes.

“ yes, it’s the same one. We sort of bumped into each other, apologized and then hung out at a nice cafe.”, Loki looked at Bucky and gave him a reassuring smile. Loki did tell Peter about the encounter, but not the whole truth about it. It’s Bucky place to tell him if he ever wants to. Bucky sighed in relief and looked at Peter.

“ Want me to drop you there?”, Bucky asked but before Peter could answer, Loki interrupted them.

“ Don’t spoil him. Take the train.”, Loki glared. Peter whined and got up, leaving for the shop. Bucky was looking at Loki, who understood the question.

“ Wasn’t my place to tell.”, Bucky smiled.

“ Thanks.”, Loki nodded and they went back home, ready to enjoy their Sunday.

* * *

 

Peter was so happy to find a stationery shop where everything was at one place. He has bought so many things. He was very excited to see some of his Dad’s history. This is the place he used to find painting supplies, where he met his Uncle Buck. He also knows this is where his Uncle Thor met his Dad after running away. But Peter is not focussing on that. He paid the cashier and started walking to the coffee house. Loki texted him the location and asked him to bring coffee cupcakes. But he had to stop.

His Uncle, Thor Odinson was sitting on the sidewalk.

Peter knows this is a bad idea as he walked towards him. But his legs were on autopilot. He came closer and saw Thor looking at the entrance of the shop, a small smile on his face. Peter is really confused. Thor doesn’t look like someone who needs stationery. He braced himself for what he is going to do.

“ Hey Mr. Odinson.”, the words felt extremely rough on his tongue. Thor got startled a little. Peter was amused to see someone his size, getting scared by a Hi.

“ Peter, what are you doing here?”, he gave him a big grin and Peter felt a familiar warmth, even if he met him only twice.

“ Getting groceries, You?”, Peter said mischievously and Thor gave him a loud laugh. Now he understood what his Dad meant when he said his noise cancelling headphones weren’t enough.

“ I..uh, I am here for...”, Thor trailed off. He is a terrible liar. It’s obvious no one has asked this question to him here before. Peter can understand. This neighborhood isn’t very posh. Thor obviously lives at some giant palace on Upper East side.

“ It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. It’s nice to see you.”, Peter said, but Thor’s smile was gone now. Peter felt really bad. He started walking away but then came back.

“ Hey, you wanna go get a cup of coffee? There is this really nice cafe few blocks away. My Uncle asked me to bring some stuff from there, so I am going anyway.”, he offered. Thor stood up.

“ You’re talking about Artsy?”, Thor asked looking at the time in his phone.

“ Yeah, I think that’s the name.”, Peter took out his phone and confirmed. Thor looked at the shop one more time and then nodded. Peter is smiling, but inside he is beating himself up for being so stupid. He is doing exactly what his father told him not to. He said to stay away from Odinsons and Starks and in seven days he has managed to be with both. But he couldn’t help but invite him after seeing his sad face. Peter isn’t that cruel.

When they reached the cafe, Peter ordered two coffees and asked them to pack the cupcakes. They sat down at a corner table near the window.

“ So, how are you? Do you like your Lab?”, Thor asked sipping his coffee.

“ Yeah, it’s awesome. How long have you been working there?”, Peter seized the opportunity. This is the perfect chance for him to find out. Thor sighed and sat back.

“ More than ten years. I can’t believe it’s been this long.”, it looked like as if Thor himself was surprised to say that. But Peter was more in shock. Ten years, that doesn’t make any sense. He has to get more out of his Uncle.

“ That is a long time, seems like you love working here.”, Thor sniggered at that.

“ Huh right. How do you know about this shop? It’s pretty rare to find this one.”, Thor asked and Peter sputtered a little.

“ Sorry about that. My Uncle told me about it. He lived in this neighborhood.”, Peter tried to cover up the lie. But suddenly the waiter came to the table.

“ Your coffee cupcakes are ready to go sir.”, he said and Peter told him that he would collect them from the counter. He saw Thor smiling at him.

“ What?”, he smirked.

“ Nothing, my brother liked those a lot, the coffee ones. He dragged me here a million times.”, Thor gave a small laugh. Peter smiled when he saw Thor reminiscing about his Dad. It was nice to know that he misses him as much as Loki does.

“ He sounds like a lovely person.”, Peter replied. Thor nodded in answer.

“ Yeah, he was.”, Thor looked down, playing with his hands. Peter hated the fact that this is the right time to ask, when his uncle looks so sad.

“ Was? What happened?”, Peter asked, innocence wrapped in his tone. Thor looked up.

“ It’s a boring story. I am sure you have better things to do on a Sunday.”, Thor suddenly stood up and walked to the counter. Peter was disappointed but still followed. They walked back to the same sidewalk to get Thor’s car.

“ Thank you. You really didn’t have to pay. It was my idea in the first place.”, Peter said. Thor held him by his shoulder.

“ You are a kid, so please act like one. You are very mature for your age Peter. My kids wouldn’t have been still for a second in that cafe.”, Peter’s eyes widened.

“ You have kids?”, Thor chuckled at Peter’s reaction.

“ Why are you so surprised? I am offended.”, he joked.

“ No...I mean you look so young.”, nice save, he thought. It’s an incredible feeling to know that you have cousins, real ones. Not that he loves anyone back home less, but these are Thor’s kids. They are Loki’s nephews or nieces. It would be unfair not to tell him, or Thor that he has a nephew too. But then he remembered about the deal with the Starks and he is furious again. Thor wasn’t involved in that right? It all happened after he left. Peter knows he is just trying to justify his actions. He has come really close now. His sudden silence made Thor uncomfortable though.

“ Peter, what’s going on?”, Thor asked. Peter didn’t look up. He wasn’t sure if he would be able ask this, if he saw his eyes.

“ I know I am being really forward here and you don’t have to tell me, but why _were_ you here?”, Peter finally looked up. Thor supported his back on the car and looked down. Few minutes passed and they stood in silence. Peter wasn’t sure what the next course of action is.

“ I was waiting, for my brother.”, Thor finally said and Peter was confused.

“ I don’t understand.”, Thor sighed and looked up.

“ He...he left us. This is where we met last time, sixteen years ago. I come here every Sunday, hoping I would find him going through the shelves.”, Thor said, looking at the shop longingly. Peter’s heart started thudding loudly at the revelation. He is waiting for him, even after all these years. He tried to control his tears, because his uncle just won him over. He wished he could tell him, that he is here. But he can’t, it’s not his place.

* * *

 

Thor offered him a ride and he accepted. They were both silent the whole drive. Thor again dropped him outside the building gate.

“ Thanks again, I am sorry I keep hitchhiking your car.”, Peter tried to lighten the mood.

“ You are welcome Peter. I am sorry too, didn’t mean to get you down.”, Thor smiled.

“ Hey, you are welcome to talk anytime. Someone told me I am very mature.”, Peter high-fived Thor which was a bad idea, because he didn’t get it for a second. They said their goodbyes and the moment his car was out of vision, Peter ran upstairs. He gave Loki the cupcakes and then rushed to Bucky’s room, closing the door behind him.

“ Jeez! Knock.”, Bucky got startled at the sudden entrance. Peter tried to get his breathing in control and then said.

“ I just met my uncle Thor.”, Bucky stood up, knocking the bedside table a little. He was looking at Peter for a minute, but when he didn’t say it was a joke, Bucky huffed and said,

“ What the fuck did you do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read my other stories too if you like this one :)


	17. How the little heart aches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for being gone. Health keeps giving me nightmares and after wasting lot of money and giving God knows what tests, they found nothing -_-   
> But I am here now, healthy and happy again, so two chapters instead of one as apology. Tell me if you guys like it :)

“ What the fuck did you do?”

“ I didn’t do anything, I swear.”, Peter whispered, now a little scared that his Dad will hear them.

“ How do you accidentally meet your Uncle? It doesn’t make any sense.”, Bucky said in return, now standing in front of him. Peter started walking back and forth.

“ Okay, tell me everything, right now.”, Bucky held him still and looked into his eyes. Peter took a deep breath and started.

“ Okay, that’s really messed up. Why would Thor work for Tony?”, Bucky was sitting on his bed. The whole story Peter told him, is surely confusing.

“ I have no idea. Shouldn’t my Uncle be a millionaire or something? And what the hell happened to Dad’s parents?”, Peter buried his head in his hands. Bucky couldn’t see his nephew like this so he stood up and sat in front of his laptop.

“ What are you doing?”, Peter noticed Bucky typing furiously on his computer.

“ I promised to respect Loki’s privacy. But if there is even a slightest chance that he could get his one real family member back, then I have to do this. Come here.”, Peter rushed to his side and saw him typing Borson Industries on Google.

* * *

Loki saw how Peter disappeared in Bucky’s room as if it was a black hole. That is what it felt when they didn’t come out of the room after two hours. It was awfully silent and Loki didn’t like it. Which is why, he knocked the door.

“ Guys, dinner’s ready.”, there was a ruckus instantly as if someone tripped. Loki raised his eyebrows in doubt. The door opened after few seconds.

“ Hey Lo! What’s up?”, Bucky stood with his hair sticking out in different directions. And is that a keyboard key stuck to his cheek?

“ Was there a hurricane in this room that I didn’t know about?”, Loki said, removing the letter _G_ from his face. Bucky chuckled, way too quickly.

“ Nah, just Pete and I being goofs, nothing much. We will be out in a minute.”, Bucky showed thumb up and then closed the door. Loki was pretty sure that something is wrong. He still went on to set the table. He knows that the boys would tell him when it’s right.

* * *

Tony went inside his home, not the old one, the new one. The one that has the decorations, which came with the house. Tony didn’t change them. He doesn’t need aesthetics anymore.

“ Welcome home Tony.”, the voice answered from the ceiling.

“ Hey L zero-K one! How was your day darling?”, Tony sat down on the couch and switched on the TV.

“ I was in static. May I suggest some dinner?”, but Tony ignored the artificial intelligence he developed. For outsiders, he is a typical Stark, genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist. But this is his life on the inside. When the AI repeated it’s concern, Tony just brushed it off.

“ Not an option Tony. Go wash up.”, Steve’s voice boomed from the kitchen. Tony begrudgingly got up and washed his hands, not even tried to change his clothes. Steve came out with two plates full of spaghetti and meatballs and placed one in front of Tony, who was laid on the couch like a slug.

“ Eat up.”, Steve ordered and Tony groaned.

“ Yes Mom.”, Tony got up and quickly made coffee. He brought back only one mug coz he knew Steve wouldn’t dream of drinking black coffee with his dinner.

“ Tony.”, Steve said softly in the usual _‘I am very disappointed in you’_ tone. Tony raised his hands in surrender.

“ We have this conversation every night Steve. Don’t you get tired of that?”, Tony said, amused at the situation.

“ That’s what friends are for. Now shut up and eat the goddamn food.”, Steve tried to hide his smile but couldn’t. Tony though, grinned widely. To make Steve swear is the only thing that perks him up. And seeing MJ at the lab. And his friends. Okay there are more than few things that make him smile. Brucie and Nat didn’t only bring Michelle home, they brought a new responsibility for Tony...Uncle Tony. And a new bodyguard too..Steve. Steve is an embodiment of protein shakes and everything good. No matter how he looks (like Greek God, who jumped out of a museum), Steve is the most rational (and highly irrational when emotional) person. And above that, he has proven himself to be a good friend.

He is the guy who stopped him from relapsing over and over. He would keep close watch with an impressive subtlety whenever Tony was on a verge of breakdown, seeking comfort in alcohol. In a way, he helped him keep his promise to Loki, that he would never drink again.

Loki, who disappeared like good dreams do. It’s been so long that Tony could swear it didn’t happen at all. That it was all just a dream, too good to be true. That he didn’t live those few months as his happiest ones ever. It is easier to think that way.

Because he tried to forget, tried to erase that part of his life after all hope for Loki was gone. He tried to start new, tried to have a fresh beginning but he couldn’t. It all seemed wrong. That’s not what he imagined his life would be. He imagined his husband to be in it, maybe in a smaller house away from the city, where no one will disturb them. Two kids, one boy and a girl or maybe only one coz Tony isn’t actually confident in his fatherhood skills. Even after getting the _‘best Uncle ever’_ mug from MJ.

“ You know, inventory is coming soon.”, Tony groaned at the subtle reminder Steve threw at him out of nowhere.

“ Yeah, I know. I just pushed it backwards into _the shit I don’t need to_ _remember_ compartment of my brain.”, Tony said, happily chewing his food now.

“ Yeah, that’s not happening. Thor and I are going to do it in three days. With you.”, Steve added with a smirk.

“ But you are my bodyguard. Why are you forcing me to do inventory? Manual labor is old fashioned and so are you.”, Tony pointed his fork in his direction.

“ Because, when I took over this job from Happy whom you promoted to the other office, he told me that I will have to be your baby sitter as well.” Steve said while his mouth full. It should be disgusting, but it makes Steve look like chipmunk so Tony let it slide. Then he pouted, actually pouted coz inventory is so boring.

“ Let the interns do it then.”, Steve said with a coy smile on his face.

“ Right, the interns. You know MJ would kill me if I make her count how many fans are missing from the new Stark tower. Worse, she will tell her Mom.”, Tony grumbled, understanding the trick instantly.

“ Yeah, so see you there.”, Steve took the remote and switched on the TV. Rest of the dinner went in silence.

* * *

“ God, I can’t tell you how much I missed your Lasagna.”, Bucky moaned while eating another spoonful and Loki smiled. He knew that Bucky doesn’t rely on cooking too much. It gets difficult for him. It’s one of the things Loki was worried about when he left. It’s not because he can work only with one hand. That never stopped Bucky from doing anything. He simply can’t cook. Those days when Loki was on bed rest in his pregnancy, Bucky’s cooking was the reason he wanted to be healthy as fast as he could. There were million other reasons of course, but that was the main highlight.

“ I am just happy you are not living on takeouts only.”, Loki smiled at him. The conversation flowed easily. It was when Peter started walking to Bucky’s room when Loki’s doubt intensified. Bucky understood the questioning look.

“ I don’t have a class tomorrow. Peter needs some help with typing stuff for his presentation.”, both said their good nights and went inside. Loki sighed and went to sleep too. Whatever it is, he will worry about it tomorrow.

“ I can’t believe this.”, Bucky leaned back and met the chair with a low thud. Peter was sitting on the bed.

“ I hate him. I really hate him.”, he whispered. When Bucky researched about Borson Industries, he found out something devastating. Turned out, after Loki left, the deal that Howard Stark made came into light. Borson Industries went down like a sinking ship. Stark Industries took over what Odin and his family created with their hard work. They were on the mercy of the Starks. Which was when Thor came back with Jane and they tried to pick the pieces together.

“ Peter, I don’t think we know the whole truth yet.”, Bucky could see the visible agitation on his face.

“ The whole truth? He took everything from Dad’s family. He made them bankrupt.”, Peter stood up, eyes red in anger.

“ Howard stark did it Peter, not your father.”, Bucky tried to explain.

“ Oh! There is a difference. Really? He could’ve given it back when...when Howard died. Instead, he is making my Uncle work in his office like a mere clerk, who should’ve been the one to take over the family business. Remember when I told you I feel bad for him? I don’t anymore. In fact, I am glad he was not the one who raised me or I would’ve inherited the same monstrosity.”, Peter huffed and Bucky laid back on his chair, closing his eyes. Peter has a point, but something still feels incomplete. There is a lot missing in between.

“ All I am asking, is for you to find out everything that happened after Loki left. I know you are angry Pete, but don’t you want to know? It’s funny how suddenly you have all this compassion for your estranged Uncle, whom you didn’t know yesterday. How you are hurting coz your grandfather had to give up everything he built. Even though you know, that he was the one who made this deal in first place.”, Peter looked down at that. He knows that Bucky is right.

“ I just...I thought he would be different you know. I know what he did to Dad, and I will never forgive him for it. But after meeting him, a small part in my mind wished that he was the same person I read about in the books. You know the one who helps people, who does tons of charity and is generally a nice human being. But this, it makes him irredeemable.”, Bucky narrowed his eyes at the that.

“ Do you want him to? To redeem what he did?”, it was shocking for him to even think that Peter would want anything to do with Tony after the internship is over. He sat close to him and put his hand on his shoulder.

“ Pete look at me. What’s going on?”, Bucky whispered. Peter just shook his head and didn’t answer. They sat in silence after that.

“ I think sometimes, what would’ve happened if they were still together. But I can’t imagine anything because I don’t know him. And so far, the information I have about him tells me that he is a rich, arrogant brat, who doesn’t care about anything or anyone. I want..I want him to redeem himself. I want him to fall to his knees and beg my father to forgive him. I want him to see me and realise what he missed. And maybe yes, for a split second of selfishness, I want him to redeem himself so I could have both of them in my life.”, he crashed his face in Bucky’s chest. He could feel his hand on his back, rubbing circles, while he had a minor breakdown.

“ I know sweetheart, I do.”, Bucky said. It broke him to see his nephew, who has so much buried inside him, but never said anything. They never realised what they were doing to him. Peter was exceptional for his age, he understood deeply. He made his peace with all those empty columns, where his father’s name should’ve been. Now suddenly, he has all the facts. He accepted that too. He accepted the culprit of his father as his own. Bucky kept worrying about Loki and never even asked if Peter was okay.

“ How about we stop judging for a while huh. Stop thinking that who did what and just be here. Just be an intern. Don’t think about any of it.”, Peter looked at him with his tear laden eyes

“ It’s not that easy Uncle Buck.”, Peter tried to smile. He didn’t mean to burst like this.

“ I know it’s not. Loki and I, we have always asked a lot from you. I don’t think either of us knew what we were doing.”, Bucky looked down at his hands.

“ I am not blaming you guys. In fact, I am the reason we are even in New York. But you are right. I need to look for the whole story.”, Bucky smiled at him, yet again surprised at Peter for seeing things clearly. He hopes it will be okay soon.


	18. How Harry met Sally

Weeks went by and Peter kept working at the labs. MJ has now become a really good friend. Occasional encounters with Steve and Thor resulted in them being useful allies to Peter. But what was really strange, was the fact that Tony got very impressed with the wings project. Peter’s presentation was praised by everyone. Bruce congratulated him. Tony though, asked him to create the functional prototype in his lab with him.

Now, Peter spends four hours every day in lab with Tony. They are working on the prototype together and peter is following Bucky’s advice. He is just being an intern. He is also ignoring the wedding band, that’s still there on Tony’s hand.

He entered the lab today and found Tony passed out on the table. It’s not something that surprises him anymore. It’s been three months since he came to the tower and one month, since he started working personally with Tony. He knows now, why Tony has huge bags under his eyes. Why Tony looks older than he is. This kind of lifestyle will do this to you. Doesn’t mean he has to be kind though. He put his stuff loudly on the chair, startling Tony who sat up in surprise.

“ Hey boss, good morning.”, Peter said too sweetly and Tony grumbled. What happened next surprised Peter though. Normally, he wakes up and disappears and then comes back after an hour or two, looking flawless. But today, he didn’t move and started on the stack of papers in front of him. Peter ignored the fact that he was sitting on his chair and on his side of table. He moved away to work on the welding of his prototype.

After two hours, Tony’s still form at the table started annoying him. He sat on the chair next to him and asked.

“ Mr. Stark, are you okay?”, Tony nodded, still invested deeply in his calculation. Peter started on his own calculations. He can’t wait these four hours to be over so that he could go back to MJ and work in peace. And maybe, look at her in an endearing way, not in a creepy way.

Another hour goes by and Peter noticed Tony went completely still. He shifted his gaze to him, who is intensely staring at a half eaten Maltesers packet.

“ You want some?”, Peter immediately felt stupid after asking that question. Do billionaires even eat Maltesers? Tony looked at him as if he isn’t even awake. Then he picked the packet and shoved a handful in his mouth.

“ Unbelievable.”, Peter mumbled and then went downstairs. There is an in house bakery at the Stark tower, where he eats sometimes with MJ. He has an intern ID, which halves the price of everything and Peter is actually grateful for that. He comes back up to find Tony still busy with his papers. He put two blueberry scones and a breakfast bagel on the table with bottled water and then instructs.

“ Eat.”, he works on other things here and there, while keeping an eye on Tony, who is eating the scone with his ink smudged hand. Peter almost felt pity for the man but composed himself. He finished eating the scone, when Tony turned in his chair to look at him.

“ How did y’know?”, he asked. Peter gave him a confused look.

“ That you were starving?”, because Peter thinks it was self explanatory.

“ That I like blueberry.”, Tony was smiling.

Because I like blueberry, Peter thought. Okay, he knows it’s possible for a father and son to have same taste in food, but the fact gets on his nerves for some reason.

“ I didn’t, just a lucky guess.”, Peter grumbled. This isn’t a good morning and Peter already feels a headache coming on. This isn’t the first time he has done it. Its small stuff here and there, because his Dad has taught him way too many manners and etiquettes. Which is why, he can’t see anyone starve in front of him like Tony does almost every other day and Peter is tired of it. No more taking care of long lost Dad slash genius boss. He is a grown man for God’s sake.

His resolve lasts for only nine seconds when he sees Tony getting up to make coffee for the fifth time.

“ Oh no, you’re not.”, he confiscates the flask and stares defiantly into his eyes.

“ Wha ..Hey! Hold on Underoos! This is my lab.”, Tony is shocked to see the tiny intern glaring at him. He put the flask on the shelf and then folds his hands on his chest.

“ You can’t drink this much coffee. Seriously, do you have a death wish?”, Peter started pouring hot water for a green tea.

“ Maybe I do.”, Tony said, eyeing the green tea warily. Peter suddenly faltered in his attempt. Technically, this is his boss and a comment like that should end into some kind of witty comeback. But unfortunately, Peter knows everything that Tony tries to hide from the world and it’s very uncomfortable. Looking closely in Tony’s current life, Peter is sure of few things. One, he is alone. He has friends of course but he is very _very_ alone, which doesn’t make any sense coz he is surrounded by people all the time. He once talked to MJ about it. She said that ever since her parents got married, Tony has been like this. He lives with Steve and doesn’t date or go out, except for professional commitments. Never takes a vacation but forces everyone else to go on one. He lives in his lab most of the time and if it wasn’t for Steve, he would starve to death.

Second, he doesn’t drink. When Loki told Peter the story, it had two villains. One was Tony, the other was alcohol. But seeing Tony abusing the hell out of black coffee, just so he won’t drink, makes Peter a little sad. He refuses to think that it’s because of Loki, that he is willingly destroying his life for him. Because Peter is sure it can’t be. Tony should’ve thought this through, before getting wasted and fucking another guy.

But Bucky’s voice still echoes faintly in his head. What if it’s not the whole truth? Coz Tony has everything, except for a cliché happy life. He has money; he has made a name, a reputation, good one this time. He is capable of love when he hears MJ’s stories about him. Then why do Peter finds him here every day, lost in his own head and trying to fix his life like his robots.

Which is why when Peter starts to pack his things to go to Bruce and Tony’s face falls, he decides to stay.

* * *

Peter was about to leave when Steve called him. He stopped at the reception to wait for him.

“ Were you going to leave alone again?”, Steve gave him a questioning look. Peter dipped his head dramatically and sighed.

“ No. My uncle’s waiting for me outside, and he signed that thing you do when you drop me home. And he is registered on the main frame on the building already, so no surprises.”, Peter must’ve said something good coz Steve had a wide grin showing all his teeth.

“ Aww..look at you, all grown up.”, he teased and Peter gaped at the audacity. How dare Steve make fun of him, when he can barely use a USB drive?

“ Can sass be downloaded coz you were never funny before. Steve? Steve?”, but Steve was frozen and Peter turned around to see the reason. Bucky was marching towards him furiously, his long coat half open and the shirt inside peeking with an ornate orange scarf. Steve didn’t even blink.

“ The guard outside made me sign three documents. Three! I told him that I am registered as a guardian but nooooo. Sir, we will have to do a background check. Do I look like someone who would kidnap a sixteen year old?”, Bucky was rambling. Meanwhile, Steve was staring with a goofy smile on his face.

Okay, that’s not good.

“ Sorry Uncle Buck. Oh and this is Steve. Steve, this is Bucky, my Uncle.”, Peter must’ve hit his head on his desk, because there is no way he is looking at Bucky, the mix of grumpy, murder and sunshine, making his dreamy eyes at Steve. Peter knows the dreamy eyes, because they have watched ‘The bachelor’ together. When neither of them said anything, Peter coughed loudly which made them aware. It was Steve who revived first and moved his hand forward.

“ Steve Rogers, it’s nice to meet you Mr. Parker.”, Steve assumed that he was a Parker too.

“ Um no, it’s.. it’s Barnes. James Barnes.”, Bucky said with a smile and Peter’s eyes did a double take back in his forehead.

Okay, here is the thing. Bucky is with them for sixteen years. Three, he doesn’t remember but apart from those, he has never heard Bucky introduce himself as James Barnes. So yeah, this is going to be amusing. Peter looked at them, one by one.

“ Steve, I will be back tomorrow. Let’s go.”, he tried to coax Bucky from the spot and God, was he always this heavy? Steve panicked when he saw them leaving.

“ No!”, and the Uncle Nephew duo stared at him.

“ I mean..um, did you get the electronic invitation of the Christmas party?”, Steve asked out of nowhere. Peter silently prayed to the Lord to give him strength.

“ For the hundredth time, it’s called an E-vite and yes I got it.”, Peter said.

“ Oh. Ok okayyyyy! Just makin’ sure huh. It’s a plus one now y’know. It’s very important the..the plus one. And you can bring anyone, y’know, your girl friend, family, and friends. No big deal right. _Seriously anyone_.”, Steve glared at him, silently conveying the message and left the building. Peter could have never thought that Steve would be so sneaky. And apparently, the bumbling idiot personality worked coz Bucky is giving him a shy smile in return of this..performance? Peter doesn’t even want to know. Also, Steve is coming back in.

“ I..it’s the wrong way. I have to go upstairs.”, and he ran at lightning speed, obviously too late to realize that he was acting like a six feet, giant idiot in love. Bucky and Peter sat in the cab and the spell wore off, coz Bucky was back to his grumpy self. Peter opened his mouth but couldn’t speak.

“ If you tell anyone about this, you are dead.”, Bucky glares and Peter is struggling to keep a straight face.

* * *

The promise didn’t last. The moment Loki opened the door, Peter gave him a huge grin.

“ Bucky is in loooove.”, he practically sang those words and Bucky’s eyes widened like a deer caught in headlights. Loki looked at him with his big hopeful eyes and now Bucky was hitting Peter with his bag.

“ Wow, Buck! And how long has this been going on? Why didn’t you tell me?”, hopeful has now changed into confusion. Bucky groaned in his bag and fell on the couch. He raised his head and narrowed his eyes at Peter.

“ You are a back stabber and you, there is nothing going on. Peter is being an idiot.”, he glared at him again, silently saying shut up.

“ Oh really! I am being an idiot? You should’ve seen his face Dad. _It’s Barnes, James Barnes_. And he has a date too via the death threats I had to take for him. Remember the Christmas party at the Tower? ”, and now halfway, Peter is realizing why Bucky wanted him to shut up. But Loki was still smiling. Did he even notice? Bucky sighed and decided to come clean.

“ It’s not a date. I can’t go and you know why.”, Bucky sat up on the couch. Peter was now silent, feeling a little guilty. Loki looked at them in confusion.

“ What is it? What did I miss?”, he asked and Peter looked at Bucky.

“ Hello! It’s at the Stark tower. The guy Steve, he works there.”, Bucky said, purposefully omitting the details of Steve’s job. Loki was still staring at him.

“ And?”, oh, so he is waiting for them to say it. Unbelievable, Bucky thought.

“ He works at the tower. It will be complicated. They could..oh Jesus, they could find where we live. They can..you get it now or should I go on?”, Bucky looked down, his elbow resting on his knee. Loki came and sat on the couch too.

“ And you think that is a big enough reason? C’mon Buck?”, Loki said in a calm voice and Peter’s heart started thudding in hope.

“ Yeah Uncle Buck. We have already thought this through. There is no way this can go wrong.”, Peter said, but moved to his room when Loki gestured him to.

“ Okay, stop being so dramatic. I get it, you worry. But this, you can’t put a stop to your life just because we are here.”, Loki tried to smile. This is terrible. They were trying to get him to date but knowing Bucky, he was a solid relationship guy. He had no interesting in being a floozy. And now he has met someone whom he likes, but won’t pursue it just coz it could unravel the truth. Loki wants to hug him for being so sweet and kill him for being such an idiot.

“ He..he doesn’t even know. You didn’t see the guy. He could get anyone he wants. He is built like a brick shit house, he has abs for God’s sake. And he is head of security at the tower. You know what that means right?”, Bucky still didn’t look at him. Loki could see the familiar sliver of scepticism on Bucky’s face again. The left immovable hand is his Achilles heel in situations like this. Loki wants to bring back every single person who rejected him for it and teach them a lesson. Because how dare they measure Bucky’s sincerity by just one broken limb. What about his heart, his dedication, his success? Can’t they see that Bucky is a survivor?  He held his face and made him look into his eyes.

“ Do you remember when you thought that I didn’t need your help and gave me silent treatment for weeks?”, Bucky nodded. It wasn’t one of the best moments of his life.

“ Do you know why I am not fazed by this? The tower, the internship, the bodyguard or whatever? It’s because I trust you. I know if any of those things would come after us, you will be there with us, for us. Your weakness doesn’t define you, your courage does. And you are the most courageous man I know Buck. You took care of your sister; you took care of me, of Peter. And if anyone can’t see this, then screw them. You don’t need that kind of company. But if there is a slight chance that this one will be different, then take it. Do you really want to regret it years later? Wanna think what would’ve happened if you tried?”, Loki said and Bucky took a deep breath.

“ You mean that? All of it?”, Bucky asked, voice wavering a little. Loki smiled and nodded. He swore and called Peter, who didn’t waste time and ran to them with his tshirt still half done.

“ Looks like we are going to a party pal.”, Peter squealed and Loki smiled at them. This is why he doesn’t even care. The smile on Bucky’s face, he deserves it and Loki won’t be the reason for his loneliness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second favorite couple finally arrives.


	19. How truth comes out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays my peeps !!!!  
> Terribly sorry for being late ughh..again. New chapter y'all.  
> We get some Stucky and some drunk Thor and a little Peter-MJ too so yay!!!!

Steve was fretting and it was a long time ago he did that. Back when he had a girlfriend and was head over heels in love, he would actually try to look good. Then Afghanistan happened and when he came back, things were different. Things that were appealing before the bloodshed, didn’t look great anymore. The war changed him and like a palace of cards, his relationship fell. Now that he is mature enough to understand, he knows it was better.

James looked like a guy who would understand. Steve knows he is being overly optimistic over the 10 minute crush, who he impulsively asked out indirectly. But Steve has gotten better at reading people after universe kinda plopped Tony Stark in his lap.

Natasha was a godsend angel. He came back home and wasted two years in salvaging a relationship that was doomed already. He dated afterwards but it was all too messed up. She told him to take a break. He said yes and then fast forward ten years later, he is still here. Don’t get him wrong, he is very happy but still lonely. He doesn’t have many friends. When he goes to sleep, he misses it. Someone to talk to about the day, even though Tony does listen to everything he has to say. But it’s different.

James has such beautiful blue eyes. Steve fell for him the moment he saw him. He just hopes James thinks he is okay too. He finally settled on a cobalt blue button down and navy blue jacket over it. He loosened the tie a little and put jeans on purpose. He is hoping to get James on dance floor today. And then he is having second thoughts on his ideas because he isn’t twenty anymore. Is dancing still considered romantic? He should ask Tony. So he knocked on Tony’s door.

“ Oh God! You are not ready?”, Steve gasped. They had to reach the office auditorium in an hour.

“ Ready for what?”, Tony asked casually. He went inside and disappeared between way too many holograms.

“ What is this? I said no computers in the room. And why aren’t you ready? We are suppose to be at the party in an hour.”, Steve almost yelled, almost. He is a very patient guy, generally. But today he has to make a good first impression, which means he needs to reach on time. Tony’s eyes widened in disbelief.

“ What party?”, Steve wanted to bang his head on the wall.

“ The party you are hosting for Christmas, before employees go on the holidays. I sent you an electronic invitation.”, Steve said in exasperation. Tony moved his hand and all the holograms closed at once.

“ Nobody tells me anything goddamn it.”, Tony rushed into his bathroom while Steve yelled language.

* * *

Bucky threw another shirt on the floor and then took out a flowery shirt to show Loki and Peter.

“ Are you going to a Christmas party or the Bahamas?”, Loki crinkled his eyes in distaste. Bucky was already back in the wardrobe. Peter was already dressed in a white sweater with leather jacket on top. He has his good jeans on that he purchased last birthday. Bucky threw out another shirt and Loki sighed.

“ God you have a lot of clothes.”, Peter was looking at the three fourth wardrobe on the floor.

“ Okay this is a bad idea. What if he didn’t mean the plus one thing? Maybe I shouldn’t go.”, Bucky’s voice was small and Loki rolled his eyes.

“ Okay off everyone.”, Loki shooed them away and then after fifteen thoughtful minutes, he took out a black polka dot shirt, a black jeans and a black leather jacket. Bucky dressed up as fast as he could and then smiled in the mirror.

“ What would I do without you Lo. It’s perfect.”, Loki was about to relax, when Peter whined loudly.

“ But I was gonna wear leather jacket.”, it was all too familiar. Loki smiled at the memories.

“ Lose the jacket, take the coat, enjoy you two. Don’t burn down the curtains like you did last time.”, Loki chuckled.

“ I told you that was Clint.”, Bucky yelled back but the voice faded and Loki closed the door.

* * *

They were in the cab when Bucky suddenly became serious.

“ Listen carefully, today’s party is not a party. It’s recon for you. Everyone is going to be there and you need to find someone who can clear things up for us okay?”, Peter nodded and then asked.

“ Okay, so you will be on a date, having the time of your life. And I will work on a Saturday, in a party.”, Peter said in an accusing tone.

“ No! I will be doing recon too. You said Steve is working there from past ten years. There is gotta be something useful.”, Bucky smirked and Peter shook his head furiously.

“ No no no! If you ruin your date, Dad will kill me. How about you sit this one out?”, Bucky thought for a minute but then agreed. He can’t show it, but in reality, he is excited for the night. Even though he has to see Loki’s ex husband for the first time.

* * *

Steve was talking to Natasha when James entered the party. He was looking flawless in all black attire and sexy smile. Natasha narrowed her eyes at Steve and then saw why he is smiling like an idiot. She saw that smile after a long time. Bucky’s eyes met with Steve and he gave him a big grin for no reason and then mentally cursed himself. Nice, show him how eager you are.

“ Hey James! You look amazing.”, Bucky took a breath of relief because that wasn’t smooth at all either. Peter barely kept himself composed after seeing the huge smile Steve gave instantly.

“ Wow! Hi Steve, little hurt you didn’t see me there. Remember me? I am Peter, you drop me home every third day against my will.”, Steve and Bucky blushed together and it was an adorable sight. Until, Peter noticed an impeccably dressed woman with red hair, standing with their group.

“ So, you are the Peter who works with my daughter.”, she stated, her smile was so slight that Peter might’ve as well imagined it was there. He swallowed at the revelation.

That’s MJ’s Mom.

Steve hastily introduced them to each other. Peter shook her hand and then sort of bowed? Peter wanted to melt down into a puddle and then jump into that puddle in shame. She smiled at him and Bucky though.

“ You seem cool. C’mon, tell me what you guys are doing in the labs?”, and she took him away from them. Steve and Bucky looked at each other and finally started talking. Peter looked back and smiled.

“ Sorry about that. Steve is such a bozo, he would’ve never asked us to leave them alone.”, Natasha said while drinking her wine. Peter was impressed how she was subtly scanning the area for threats. Tony Stark has many enemies, but he also has people like Steve and Natasha.

“ My Uncle isn’t too bright in that department either.”, Peter said, eyes looking for MJ in the crowd.

“ A match made in heaven then, gross.”, she made a face and Peter wanted to laugh but he didn’t, coz he was terrified. Of course she was Dad’s favourite. Loki told him their stories. They possess the same intimidating qualities which Peter can’t explain.

“ I won’t keep you long. MJ is on the balcony.”, she smiled at him and Peter looked at her in confusion.

“ Is this a test? It’s a test, isn’t it?”, Peter said in a small voice. Natasha came close and then walked away, disappearing in the crowd. Peter took a breath of relief. He quickly found MJ and they started talking.

“ Why aren’t you dancing?”, coz almost half the party is on the dance floor, including Steve and Bucky.

“ Because I should dance like a proper lady or else I would not get a worthy groom?”,”, Peter did a double take at that. He started fumbling with words when MJ took pity on him.

“ I am just messing with you. I would love to dance..with you?”, she asked looking around anything but Peter’s eyes. He smiled a little because MJ is never shy. She has this urgent need to speak the truth, even in uncomfortable situations. So, he took her hand reached the dance floor. Peter isn’t a very good dancer but turned out MJ is very skilled.

“ Woah! Where’d you learn to dance like this?”, Peter was giddy like a kid. He is dancing with MJ on a dance floor that’s bigger than his house.

“ Mom taught me. She learned ballet.”, Peter didn’t find it unbelievable. Of course she learned ballet, he isn’t gonna question it. He saw Steve and Bucky coming close and Bucky whispered in his ear.

“ Who’s that?”, Bucky said half heartedly. He didn’t want to be that Uncle who spies on his nephew, but they were looking so cute. He couldn’t help himself.

“ MJ.”, he looked up but Bucky was gone. Instead, he was introducing himself to MJ and embarrassing Peter, like all uncles do. MJ looked at him and smiled while Steve was glaring at him coz Bucky looked really interested in the conversation. Great, this is going to be one hell of a night. After a moment, Steve took Bucky away from the dance floor, and MJ ran back to him.

“ You brought you Uncle as plus one peanut?”, Peter groaned and for the first time in three months, MJ laughed. It was a great moment for him coz she looked absolutely breathtaking. Peter doesn’t even care if his nickname is embarrassing. He can’t get mad if it’s making MJ laugh like this.

“ In my defence, Steve bullied me into that.”, Peter smiled. It’s going great. They were so invested in making Bucky’s date successful that Peter forgot about his own unofficial date with MJ. Maybe this night won’t be that bad.

* * *

The party was in full flow. Steve didn’t drink much and Bucky was glad because it gave them the time to talk. They were outside; in one of those gardens at that every building is suppose to have. Steve was walking with him while he told his stories about the war.

“ It’s always the same story with everyone. We never actually come back, do we.”, Steve gave him a smile. Bucky told him about everything, the arm, the surgeries and exercises, the new beginning. Steve took it normally, no exaggeration like other failed dates did. He listened carefully, each and every point. He didn’t seem to care about his disabled arm at all. He was interested in his story after that, even told him that he is an inspiration which Bucky laughed off. But inside, it filled him with warmth. It all feels like a dream.

“ I guess not.”, Bucky responded, feeling at ease all of a sudden.

“ So, Peter is your nephew?”, Bucky looked at the ground, knowing the hidden question of how.

“ My friend’s kid actually. I’m his godfather.”, Bucky tried to be cool. Steve didn’t stop at that.

“ His parents must be very proud. He is a good kid.”, Bucky smiled at that.

“ So, where is this Tony Stark? I have been here for a while and didn’t even see the host.”, Bucky asked, because he expected him to be around today. And because he wanted to change the subject desperately.

“ Tony isn’t very fond of parties. He came in when the party started, greeted few people and then left.”, Steve sighed at the end of the sentence.

“ Seems weird that a billionaire doesn’t like his own party.”, Bucky voiced his doubt.

“ He isn’t the same Tony Stark you read about in papers. You know about the scandal right.”, Steve asked, expecting him to know. Bucky couldn’t figure out how much though, because he knows a lot.

“ The cheating thing?”, Bucky tried to be subtle. Steve nodded and then looked at him.

“ It was much more than that.”, Steve said. Bucky could see the inner turmoil on his face.

“ You don’t have to tell me. I understand.”, Steve took a deep breath and smiled.

“ Thank you James.”, Steve said.

“ You know what, call me Bucky.”, because he wants him to. Steve held his hand and it felt so familiar, even if this is their first date. Bucky has a good feeling about this.

* * *

MJ was taken away by her Mom to meet few people and now Peter was sitting alone on the bar stool, sipping on his weird tasting mocktail. A heavy thud made him aware that someone was sitting on his side now. He turned to see his Uncle Thor, with a wide grin on his face. He was talking to the bartender, being very friendly and Peter hated to think that this is his chance, again. It feels terribly wrong to take advantage of Thor’s vulnerable moments.

“ You sure you really need another?”. Peter asked playfully, hiding how miserable he is feeling. Thor looked at him and narrowed his eyes to focus. He gave a big smile after he recognized him.

“ Peter! My man! You look great. Do you like the party? I was in charge of food.”, Thor finished the sentence with a serious gaze into Peter’s eyes. Because obviously the food needs to be perfect like every other work in the office that he does.

“ It was great. You outdid yourself. I didn’t even know half the names before.”, Thor gave him a pleased look and then got back to his drink.

“ I didn’t either. I am a simple guy Peter, believe it or not. But my brother loved fancy, exotic, blah-blah food. You remember? My brother.”, Thor said, downing his drink in one go and asking for another.

“ The one who left, yeah I remember.”, Peter said, his throat raspy in anticipation of where this conversation is going.

“ Yeah, didn’t even think what would happen to me or Mom without him, selfish jerk. He would’ve known if he came back.”, Thor grimaced into his glass after seeing his reflection.

“ Known what?”, this is it, Peter thought.

“ That it was setup, an ugly plan to remove him out of the picture. Fucking Hammer and...and Obadiah. They ruined everything. And Tony is still waiting that Loki will show up y’know. I tell him it’s stupid but no one ever listens to me. Dad didn’t, Loki didn’t, so why would Tony.”, Thor was sulking but Peter was frozen at the revelation. Set up, someone actually planned the whole plot to get rid of his Dad, the only person who made Tony Stark sane. He knows who Hammer and Obadiah are, Loki told him that night. The wheels in is head were whirring and clinking, but he isn’t able to connect the dots. It felt like his heart will explode. He could hear someone calling Thor but he couldn’t focus.

“ There she is, my savior.”, Thor’s eyes twinkled and Peter saw who he was talking about. It was Jane Foster, the astrophysicist, his Uncle’s wife. She looked so simple and elegant. Everyone is dressed in couture and Dr. Foster is wearing her simple black dress with a beige long coat. Peter hasn’t even talked to her and he is already impressed. She came close to Thor and smiled at Peter.

“ Sorry kid, shouldn’t have left him to wander around when he was already drunk.”, she gave Thor a look, who quickly ditched his glass and stood up. They exchanged introductions.

“ Oh yes, Thor told me about your project. It is brilliant kid, wish I was this smart at your age.”, she smiled at him. His Aunt is awesome.

“ Thank you and I am sure you’re just being modest for my sake.”, they said their goodbyes and Peter ran to find Bucky.

He needs to tell him. He needs to tell Loki, that tony wasn’t wrong. Their separation was planned. It was a cruel plan to keep them apart. Peter should tell him that he can actually come back.

_He can finally come back home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOOOOO???????


End file.
